What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise
Good morning Ma. I’m so sorry to slide to your inbox like this but I’m confused at the moment. It seems my marriage is over!
We’ve been married for about 5 years now but it’s either we’re not compatible or my husband doesn’t just seem to want to understand me.
We’ve had quarrels like every other regular couple and I’ve tried to adjust and understand him but why does it seem as if I’m the only one working to keep the marriage?
My husband misunderstands me a lot, that I’ve seen from the many quarrels we’ve had. I know that I can be so vocal and be insulting to him when I’m angry but I really don’t mean everything I say, I’m just angry that’s my escape route to voice out hurtful things.
So recently I was trying to make a deal for us and I told him about this only for him to get angry, when I noticed the harsh tune in his voice I told him to forget it, then he started keeping malice with me that evening. He usually loves malice like no man’s business.
The next day I made food and called him to eat so that I could calmly talk things over with him only for him to ignore me, I was so angry and started voicing out toxic words from my mouth, we quarreled a bit and he left. He came back later that day when I was out and our main gate was locked, I called his line severally he didn’t pick up, I even sent text message, no way.
My neighbor later opened for me after persistently knocking. I was so angry when I got into the house because I observed he was avoiding me and I removed the gate key from his bunch of keys and even tried to express my displeasure at him, he continued ignoring me, then I was insulted him that’s when he responded angrily at me and hit me.
I was shocked because this has never happened before and I know that my husband detests hitting a woman. He walked out of the bedroom and I slept off only to wake me up at night and he apologized and things seemed a bit okay but I was still very hurt.
Later in the day he called me asking for the gate key because I think he was stranded outside and I responded to him that he’s feeling stranded outside the way I was yesterday and hope he understands how I felt also it’s not his right to keep that gate key like his prized possession it’s for both of us, I only left it for him out of respect that he’s the husband but if when he’s angry he cannot make a life saving decision then it’s not fair.
I didn’t actually say it like this verbatim but that’s what I meant. So you know this man felt so ‘insulted’ and started threatening to break up our marriage? And that if I was home with him he would have taught me a lesson?
I tried explaining myself better to him through calls because I was on night duty at work only for him to continue raining insults at me. I was so shocked and had to cut off his calls because it seems we were heading no where.
And I’m like why does it feel as if once we have issues this guy forgets trying to resolve them instead he starts painting me out as a bad person?
I’m not 100%perfect but it doesn’t mean I hate him because we have quarrels.
Now from the way he was even talking yesterday I didn’t recognize the man I got married to any longer. He was saying that I didn’t have remorse for responding to him when he confronted me for taking the key so it means I’m trying to drag headship position as man with him because I’ve contributed financially to the home and I’m like that’s false and a big misunderstanding. I
collected the key from him when I was angry for being locked out of the house, he settled with me at night, the next morning I woke up late and hurriedly left for work and was on night duty so it wasn’t like it was intentional to actually punish him but no o! He said because I didn’t apologize or show remorse when he first called me about the key so our marriage is over, he even used threatening words and I’m like isn’t this over board and out of proportion?
Does it mean that every time I have an issue with my husband I’m now evil?
He doesn’t even seem to care that his actions made me angry. Why?
This has been one major issue with our marriage and I’ve talked and talked about this, if I’m offensive to him in any way he should tell me calmly and I’ll apologize but if he tells me with a harsh tune I may end up being defensive. In fact I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m totally fed up!
If he feels that the marriage is over I wish him well. I won’t fight with him neither will I argue because I called him severally last night trying to make peace but he threw it out on my face. I even told him that if truly he was trying to make peace the other night why not still stand on the side of peace and hear me out?
I’m not dragging headship position with you and everything I’ve sacrificed for our home I think of it as building up our home but instead he kept on ranting insults at me and I’m like what really is happening here?
Why does it always seem that if u express myself to this man and tell him the truth he twists it and sees it from his own side and sticks by it. This happens every time.
I’m totally confused!
If he wishes the marriage to break up because he doesn’t want to see from my own side of the story then I don’t know what else to do but if he lifts a finger on me when I get home from work I will have to choice other than to hurt him back and really finalize that the marriage is over.
Anonymous Lively Stones Telegram Group Member
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Madam be submissive to your husband, you are the woman of the house,make your home comfortable and peaceable to live in. Stop trying to be stubborn in some certain things,the day he locked you outside, you said he apologized right,so why locking him outside the other day all because you wanted him to feel the pains you felt as well . Settle with him amicably even though he is not financially buoyant that shouldn’t make you insult him or raise your voice at him and that’s why he is always keeping malice,and that’s because he doesn’t want any drama from you. He only said what he said out of anger by saying the marriage is over,you have to make it work. Have a good day,don’t confront him and do not hit a man back to matter what,rather you can leave the house.
The only way you can show love to ur man is to respect him. You don’t talk back at ur man with high tone when he is high. Lean how to calm him down and be totally submissive.
From your story line u are the problem of your marriage and only you can resolve it too.
We can’t reach your husband here now, but my advice to you if you still want your home back it to be totally submissive and stop rubbing shoulder with ur man.
Civilization has made us forget our place in marriage. May God help you restore peace back to ur home in Jesus name
Madam, you have a lot of work to do for yourself.
First, you think marriage is a child’s play where they get to abuse one another and then come back together to play again. Wake up
Secondly, I think you have got some attitude problem and you think your husband should just manage you like that when constantly humiliate him.
Well, from your story, I see that your husband has taken so much from you, and he deserves some peace of mind before he does something bad to you.
Work on yourself. A bad character is bad character and no one deserves to live with someone with a bad character who constantly claim right and never admits his/her wrong.
Dear Sister. I think, both of you need to sit and dialogue, pour it all out, dialogue is good in resolving issues. You will be fine Sister, you have faults too which you admitted here, it’s good of you. So both of you should sit n talk. You gonna be okay Sister. You will be fine. Work on yourself too. GOD bless you.
Madam, be calming down it’s obvious you both talk back at each other once you’re annoyed. One of you have to be quiet when the other is high in spirit ; and that should be you if you really want a peaceful home. Change your approach and respect your husband. Talk things over when the atmosphere is calm. No man likes to be talked back . Your marriage will work of you work on your attitude. Shalom
Your husband is better of workout you. Is obvious you’re the oga in the youse while your husband is the madam. You will insult him not like you mean it rather you insulted him because you earn more money than him. There is limit to which any man will take. If he lift his finger at you, you will hurt him meaning you’re prepared for war already.