A Lockdown Affair Was Just An Excuse: My Marriage Is Going Down The Drain-Pls Advise
My story is a long one but let me try to make it short. Last year, before the lockdown, my boyfriend traveled to home town in Ghana. Both of us were affected by the lockdown for almost 6 months that we could not see each other but we were communicating. Eventually, he was able to come back in September and he proposed to me in November, to which I said yes.
We got married in December in the most beautiful wedding ever. Starting a new life with my husband was my dream come through until some woman sent me a message on ig saying she is pregnant for my husband. This woman is from Ghana. I thought this was a lie…or a prank or whatever but she said all she wants is for him to be responsible for his baby…that she wants nothing else from him.
In shock, I showed my husband the message and he told me it was a scam, that he does not know the woman. So, I chatted with the woman to stop contacting me….she later sent me screenshots of her conversations with my husband. They were too real not to believe. I believed the woman and I felt so betrayed.
My husband had to confess that it happened during the lockdown when he traveled to Ghana. He swore that it was a mistake and he would never cheat on me now that we are married. I was like…how am I going to accept this woman and her child? Cheating is one thing, having a child out of it is another.
There was a family meeting and we all agreed that when the baby is born, it will be taken care of by my husband’s family financially. The baby was born in late January. In February, the family asked my husband to come for the naming ceremony as the culture requires the father of the child to be the one to name the child if the father is alive.
I did not like the idea but my husband told me to relax…he was going in for just one day and be back the next day. And he did come back the next day. Its been a very painful experience for me and I know it will take a while for me to heal from all of these but I feel that may never happen because ever since he returned from Ghana in February, my husband has been acting strange.
This woman started calling him more than often. He would go outside to take her calls. When I asked him what that is about…why is he talking to her….he says…why won’t he talk to his baby mama…cos there may be an emergency with the baby. I reminded him that we agreed that his family in Ghana would take care of the baby…not him getting involved in the woman’s life. He angrily told me, no one can tell him what to do.
That really hurt me because, to me, his action makes it look like he still wants to be connected to this woman. The next thing he did was tell me that he will be visiting his son once every month in Ghana. I was shocked because now it’s clear what he really wants. He wants that woman and he does not care that it hurts me.
I told him if he goes to Ghana to see the woman, that I would leave the marriage. And he said I can do what I like. That was a hard blow to me. I now realized I was the fool here…this man has no intention of being faithful in our marriage. I told his father and mother and all his siblings, they all feel sorry for me cos my husband has refused to listen to anyone.
As we speak, my husband went to Ghana on March 27th and he is not back. I need no one to tell me that he is sleeping with his baby mama. I am heartbroken. My family is saying its too early to give up on a marriage because my husband has a child outside of marriage. But the pain is so much that I feel like taking my life.
I did nothing to deserve this treatment from a man I dated for three years and helped him to achieve all the success he has today in Nigeria. If he was in love with another woman, why did he propose to me? This is definitely not how I pictured my marriage. From where I see things, separation is the only way for me…maybe give him time to decide who he wants: his baby mama or me…
My family is saying is too early to decide to leave…that I should be patient. My mother said it’s a spiritual attack on my marriage…that I must pray to win against the strange woman…I don’t get it…no one is trapping my husband…he is doing this with his clear mind…because if the pregnancy was a mistake…why still going to see her against my wishes….why go see her every month? Will I be able to endure these monthly visits to Ghana?
Please advise me…do you think I should I wait for a little…for what now? for him to change? For him to stop seeing her? What if he does not? why wait for some time and not now? what will change in another six months or one year or five years? That child will always be there and clearly…my husband likes f*cking her.
Tell me…what reason do I have to remain in this marriage?
Anonymous
Photo Credit:necole
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You have to remain in that marriage, you ain’t going anywhere. You have to stay put and fight for your marriage, you won’t fight by fighting him physically or abusing him,this is marriage it is for better or best. Hold on,afterall he has not asked you to leave. Get a job,always keep yourself busy,don’t allow the thought of everything weigh you down, very soon he will come rolling on his knees for forgiveness and reconciliation but for now just get busy and pray. That woman has done something to him and that’s why you must go to the war room,how can you allow another woman take your place? When you separate from him that means you want that woman to come and occupy your home. My sister remain there and see how God will turn everything for your good ,okay. It is well with you nne
He’s with the woman and their child. He won’t ever change and please there’s no spiritual attack on your marriage. You can decide to accept the situation that you’re sharing your husband with another woman/family who is equally important to him. You can also decide to waste your time believing that it’s an attack on your marriage so he’ll come around. What I’m saying is that it is what it is, so decide on what to do.
I hope someday women come to the reality that infidelity is a choice and not spiritual attack and stop covering up for a man when he cheats. You will pray till your hair turns grey. Last last he will choose her and their baby over you. My dear, love yourself. How long will you continue to pray an wait for him to change? He clearly wants the other woman and not you. If the tables were turned, would he wait, hope be praying you come back to him? Marriage is not by force, you can’t force love, commitment or responsibility. Please life is short. By the time you realize, you will clock 50 and would still be waiting and praying for him after wasting your youth while he’s there enjoying himself. Choose your cross.
Me: if the situation is reversed, are we going to counsel the man to stay and fight for a marriage filled with lies and betrayal?
Children bind couples and this other lady is definitely using that strategy to catch your husband, and it is working.
Personally I don’t want to be in a relationship that is one sided. Both the man and woman must be interested in making the relationship work.
You husband has found a family in that woman, so you also should live your own life. Don’t be there waiting for nothing. Move on and live your best
Hello sister. He deceived you, he knows he can easily manipulate you, he doesn’t love and respect you at all. He won’t leave that other
… woman, he won’t at all. He had it all planned, if you didn’t find out yourself, that’s how he would have been lying to you that he is going for business in Ghana and you will believe him, but you found out yourself, so you can see he had it all planned out. Remember you were manipulated and deceived. Adultery is a ground for divorce. The choice is yours. GOD bless you sister.
My dear what matters here is your happiness,it is very painful I know that,walk away now it’s still fresh.you will get someone who is truthful, loving and respectful.he will not do things that will hurt you, you are a beautiful soul and you deserve better.l wish you the best.
[…] my contact details in this post. I will just go straight to the point. Last year, I had a brief affair with someone. It was during the lockdown. I was lonely cos I just broke up with someone that I […]
This man is wicked . To have impregnated a lady and still came to married you. the worst is the unremorsefulness! like its been advised, your happiness is important. if you have the grace to hang in there, you may. However, if you ll be happy to move on, please find the courage to . because children arent involved yet. the other woman ll keep using d child to tie him to hereself and you dont want to keep fighting battles you never planned for and wont know how long it ll last. may the Lord lead you ,however, whatever decision, it should revolve around your happiness and mental health.
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