How Corona Pandemic & My Family Made Me Loose My Fiancée -Pls Advise
Good day,
I need advise. My girlfriend of two years just broke up with me and I am hurting from the heartbreak. Its majorly my fault. I have been begging her but she does not want to listen. My family is saying I should move on if she does not want to listen but I think my family is saying this for their own selfish gain.
So, I am the second child of 5 children. Our first daughter is widowed, so its like my family depends on me for support. My immediate younger sister is married to a man that things is not ok for, so, she is like also depending on me with my other siblings and parents.
I am 37 years old. I been dating my girl like I said for 2 years plus. My plan was to get married after a year of dating but cos of my family needs, I have been postponing the wedding. I know once I get married, things may not be the same again, I may be forced to focus first on my immediate family.
So, I told my girl that we will get married in 2020. She agreed. But this year, because of corona, things didn’t go as planned. I am financially ok but I want a big wedding, I know what I have may not be enough cos I do not have anyone to support me. So, I discussed with her and suggested we move the wedding to next year.
My girl refused and said if we don’t get married this year, she is out…that she cannot keep waiting for me. I tried to explain to her that the wedding can be in March…Easter period but she says this December or never. Her giving me conditions, I did not like that and I got angry. My family supported me but I think its because of their dependence on me like I said.
My girl and I had a misunderstanding about this last month. She angrily left and that is how we broke up. Pride and ego did not allow me speak to her for almost 3 weeks. When I realized what my wrong, after some good friends advised me, I called her…her number did not connect. I realized she had blocked me…even on social media.
I was surprised at how far she took this. I went to see her but she refused to listen to me. I have been begging her…she walked me out the last time. She said she is in a new relationship…that we are over. Just like that? I mean…did she not truly love me? How can she have replaced me in 3 weeks already?
My friends said she is bluffing. That she is using it to see how far I am serious with her. So now, to show my commitment to her…I want to come see her parents formally, to make my intentions of marrying their daughter known. I plan to do a court marriage before the end of this year, just to show my seriousness….
However, I do not know if that will change her mind cos she is still not talking to me. I do not want to be disgraced if I go to her parents this Christmas to ask for her hand in marriage. My family is not really in support but they have no choice but to agree with me. They say I am marrying out of pressure.
Am I really marrying out of pressure? After two years? I hope this is not a step that will turn out wrong in future? So, I have planned to do a wedding introduction on Christmas day at her parents house. I contacted her parents to say I am coming with my family but they said I should go and settle with their daughter first before coming.
Yet…this girl does not want to listen. Please how do I beg her to change her mind? I know I was wrong to have allowed her break up after dating for two years. Her main anger is that after we broke up, I did not call her for 3 weeks…that it shows I did not care about her….
I have explained that is not true but she is not convinced I will choose her over my family in future so she has said she is done with me…but I don’t want to loose her…please what else should I do to convince her to change her mind…and how do I be sure this is the right step? all these begging and begging…hope it will not bite me in future…please advise me….
Anonymous
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This is not enough reason for her to break up,is there something you have done to her that you have refused to tell us here? Please speak so that we can channel our advice well. You have to hold on till next year since she has refused talking to you,don’t rush anything so that you won’t regret anything.
Ladies hate promise and fail…u already promised her 2020…why did u go Back on it…beside ur reason for not marrying dis year isn’t tangible enough…what exactly do u need big wedding for?….clearly u need to try harder in reassuring ur lady that she comes first to you…she is human…she is bound to feel irrelevant cos of ur actions…I think she is just hurt…if u truly love her, try harder…dia is no harm in begging someone u love ..
If you love her , you will do all it takes to win her back
“Am I really marrying out of pressure?” Yes, you are marrying out of pressure.
I will advice that you draw back and allow the dust to settle before further actions.
Let her be for now. Meanwhile, you can ask her parents or anyone of her siblings, close friend or relation that you know to get her to forgive you and come back to you.
If after you have tried through family and friends, then, let her go.
Count your loss and move on.
You do not need an elaborate wedding. Most people were even rejoicing that the lockdown had helped them avoid unnecessary costs.
But, come to think of it, a woman who will not listen to you after several pleas and intervention will stand her ground even in marriage. If she will not on her own calm down and resolve issues with you as her prospective husband, my brother, you need to think again.
I am sure she’s seeing someone else before you guys broke up.please on on with ur life! You done ur best by trying to convince and make her see reasons with you.Marriage is too deep for you to pressurized someone into.just give urself sometime,you will surely get over her.
What if she refused to turn up on the proposed date?? What will you do??
She said if you don’t marry her before year end, he will leave, hello bro, I tell people, you can’t trust anyone, until we know this we will keep getting hurt by people, she also said she is angry cos you didnt call her for three weeks after SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU, i think you are a man that does not have a strong mind on issues like this, a girl treated you like this and you are asking us what to do, don’t worry keep going to her house until she introduces you to her new man, she was probably cheating all these while. I’m sure you have been the one paying her bills..I’m guessing. Pls bro love yourself to a point where a fiancee on the wedding time to say I do says she isn’t marrying you again, you dont get hurt. Drop her completely, enter 2021 with a fresh vigor. I Tell you bro, she has been cheating all these while, stop begging her, she even blocked you No and sent you out of her house cos you couldn’t marry her due to covid 19 pandemic, she is a baby, she is immature and childish, she did all these to you and you still asking what to, you is 37 years old, Bro if I slap you….lol, your brain will reset….lol. I love you Bro. GOD BLESS, you are much stronger than you think, you can so without her cos before she came to your life you were doing without her.
Hello Sir,
Your lady seem like a determined woman…and she has probably seen that you tend to use your family as an excuse…not good for a man…
When you find that special someone and you are matured emotionally…money or family should not be a deterrent….the pandemic is a blessing for most cos they were able to minimize the amount of money spent on wedding plans.
And if your family wants to keep depending on you….maybe you should not get married now…cos they seem not to be ready to let you live your life.
Not saying you should not help your family but you have to find a balance…you have to live your life too…
I think that is what scares your fiancée…there may not be any new guy but she is watching to see how determined you are to be with her.
So, speak to her friend or someone she listens to….or respects…get her to talk to you…and if you have made up your mind to stop dragging your feet….then you must do all in your power to make her feel confident of your commitment to marrying her.
You are not marrying under pressure…she waited 2 years…things will not always be 100% ok…you just need to sit down and have a plan with the one you choose…plan the future…plan finances…children…plan economically and spiritually…plan and take definite steps for the future.
The only pressure I see is the one you placed on yourself….
If she wants to get married…she does not care about big weddings…talk to you folks to allow you breathe…you will not abandon them but you have to plan your future as well.
If you cannot take this decision without back tracking….then leave her alone…..
You need time to think and decide what you really want…not just begging without a strategy or a plan of what you really want.
When you are sure…..it will be either to speak to her through someone who can mediate between both of you or you walk away and focus on your family until you find someone who can deal with waiting for you and dealing with your excuses…
Wish you all the best.
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