Hello ma,
I need your help. Keep me anonymous. I got married at age 16. Not out of love but because I had to. I left home at age 12 to work as a house help for a lady. I worked as house help or cleaner for several people until I met my husband at age 16.
At that time,he was 35 years old. He was the only man who showed me love from the hard life I was experiencing. He gave me money and made me fall in love with him. I convinced myself I needed to marry him because I would now have my own home and all.
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We got married and I got pregnant but I lost the baby at month 6. It was very painful for me. I was advised to wait til I am at least 18 before I get pregnant again. My husband was angry that I have to wait two more years,that was when he began to show his true character.
He would get angry with me. Treat me with no respect.He would rape me till I got pregnant again. I had my baby at 17 years. He still did not stop treating me like a child. He would insult me and say all manner of things. Insult my family for being poor,etc.
The only thing that gave me joy in the marriage was my baby and my apprenticeship as a Tailor. I started using family planning without him knowing. When My son became 3 years old,he started getting angry,that I have not gotten pregnant again.
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We can hardly feed because things changed for him,his business was not moving so I was not even ready to bring another child into this abusive marriage. Unfortunately for me,I got pregnant and because of beating,I lost the pregnancy. My landlord intervened and threatened to report him to the local govt and police if he continues to beat me.
Since then,he does not beat me but he makes me feel worthless in the marriage. I no longer love him and I think he no longer loves me. Now,I see him cheating with other women. I want to leave this marriage. Thank God,I have my business as a tailor.
My only issue is:I do not know how to tell him that I want to leave. He has said to me that I can never leave him because of all the things he did for me. He says I owe him my life. I have no one to help me talk to him. Even our landlord says its not right for me to divorce but I am very tired and unhappy when I am only 21 years old.
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A friend of mine advised me to cheat on him,maybe he will let me go. So,I slept with someone and made sure he found out. He only beat me and refused to let me go. I have been thinking of running away. I can no longer stay in this hell called marriage.
There is this woman in our street that he is sleeping with. I even begged her to tell him to drive me away so she can have him all to herself. She tried to poison his mind so he can chase me away but he still refused to chase me away. He said I will never leave him. That even if I get pregnant for another man,he will abort the child,that I am not going anywhere.
The only solution I think I have now is leaving my son with his mother and running away to Lagos or Abuja to try and start afresh. If I continue here,I will commit suicide. I need help.
Anonymous Email Post
From Warri
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This marriage wahala sef don dey tire person,SAY NO TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE,now that u are still alive run with all u have got in ur life ,becos if u die now,my dear u go lose. Remember where u come from. What u need to do is to locate a human rights activist,they are everywhere around u report that violence u have been going through n divorce that idiot before u die for nothing. Go the police if possible or those human rights activist with an evidence of the beatings n make sure you nailed that insane man for life, after that he will never touch anybody again in his whole. N while u are doing that, make sure he has no idea about what u are doing before he kills u at night,do it without letting anyone know, those people will take it up from there. U have allowed him to make u feel like u are not good enough, it’s time to put that man in his rightful place where he belongs,n after that disappear into tin air with ur son,n then start ur business there so that u don’t to have to depend solely on any man for help, good luck.
For me, I think the only reason she should consider running is cz of the domestic violence. The fact that he sees you as a property is wrong and therefore has to change his mindset. The lady in question as a wrong mindset and certainly needs to change her friends. How will a friend tell you to cheat on your husband all in the name of revenge. The medicine for this man is prayer, counselling and love, this lady can’t offer that coz she herself needs, prayers, counseling and much more love.
Here is what I propose, if they both want the marriage to work then they both need to sit down and discuss it, see a counselor and pray. They both need to decide to make it work. The man has alot to do. For The woman to achieve this she has to speak with him, get people the husband respect to do same.
If after doing this or if perhaps she is still not convinced to continue with the marriage, she should tell him and his family that she is no longer interested. No need for an escape plan.
I perceive that man still wants the marriage, he doesn’t just know how to manage the situation. He needs serious counseling and prayers.
I think you should leave but if you don’t go with your child,consider him lost o
I think for now you need to go far away from him Buh not divorce basically, you are married and u got initiated into marriage without no one telling you the basics.. Again u need to report to the appropriate authorities to help you intervene in this matter cos he would keep abusing you no matter what, go far away and have peace
Hello,
First,you got married as a minor,that is abuse in many states in this country. So,you have every right to leave the marriage especially now that he beats you and makes you feel like his property.
If you can come up with a plan,leave the child with your parents or his,then leave to somewhere he cannot find you.
Also,go make a police statement about his violence towards you. When you leave him and you have become independent,file for a divorce.
There is nothing more to say in this case: this is abuse and you must run away to save your life first. Just make sure you have a plan and somewhere far away that he cannot find you or intimidate you easily.
There are Lawyers too that can help you ,keep protected from him. If you are in Lagos,there are lawyers that can help you seek protection from him for free.
So,pray about this,start planning and may God guide you and keep you safe.
Stay safe….say no to violence against women and men…now!
Seek appropriate authorities in and report to the nearest police station. Seek for divorce cos you married him as a minor. Don’t let anyone into your plans. Be safe.
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