My Boyfriend Never Wanted To Marry Me Until His Mother Did Something- Pls Advise
Dear Ma,
I need counseling. There is this guy that I have been dating for almost 2 years now. He is good to me and spends on me. I was expecting that since things are ok with us, that he would propose to me but he never mentioned anything marriage.
I started getting worried so I asked him what is his intention towards me. I know his family and he knows mine. They are already asking me when are we getting married.To my surprise,he mentioned that he is not really ready.
I was like so if we are not getting married now,maybe we should stop wasting each other’s time. He was like,no he loves me and I should be patient with him. So how long should I be patient,he said maybe another one or two years.
And because I love him,after much consideration, I said yes to him. But along the line, I mistakenly got pregnant. When I told him,he said I should abort it. I asked him why. He said he does not want a child outside marriage. So,why don’t we get married,he says no.
I got upset and told his elder sister. That one told his mother who summoned him. That was when he told them that he has no plans to marry me. That he is in love with someone else. That he loves me but he loves that lady also.
His family was like he has to choose one of us. Especially me since I am pregnant. But he chose her. That revelation broke me down completely. I dated this man for two years and did not suspect he was cheating. I felt used and wanted to die.
His family begged me not to abort the baby. Especially the mom. She likes me alot and said that even if her son refuses to marry me,that she would make sure the baby is well cared for. The woman knelt down and was begging me.
I told her its not about begging me. That her son does not want the baby and having a baby that the father will not love or accept is not fair on the child. She told me not to worry ..that she will take of it. That I should give her one week.
Three days later,my boyfriend comes back to me. On his knees begging and asking for my forgiveness. I was beyond shocked and perplexed at the change of mind. Apparently,his mother called the other lady he was in love with and told her that she will never accept her and that I was pregnant so she should not bother with her son.
Later, the mother spoke to the son and now he sees he has lost the other lady and wants to come back to me. Ma, I am supposed to be happy this man is finally accepting me abi? But someone who cheated on me for two years and openly rejected me….how do I ever forgive and forget that and live happily in a marriage with him?
I am not even sure what the mother said to him to change his mind cos before he was not listening to anyone even her. So,is he doing this cos he loves me or cos his mother is forcing him?
Everyone is saying I should forgive and forget and give him a second chance. If only I was not pregnant…I would have walked away but this baby deserves a chance at life….should I marry him or just have the baby? Will it be fair to raise the baby alone when the father asked me to marry him?
Please advise me
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Photo Credit:Blackdoctor
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Honestly, you need to break up with this man
Go and have your baby, he can be in the boy’s life but please don’t make the mistake of getting married to him
Now, he cheated on you for two years, picked someone else over you and came back only when he saw he has lost the other and the mom intervenes on the case.
Question for how long?
Though others may have different opinion, he definitely going to cheat again or do something drastic and later blame it on you, the mom and some other things
Forgive but move on
Have you asked yourself what his mother did because he wasn’t listening to anyone initially? I guess you are in the wrong set of family,you better run.Don’t even know why you were having unprotected S.e.x with him knowing fully well that his response towards marriage is just absurd.Give birth and leave that family alone
RUN. For how long will his mother sort out your issues? Marriage is a lifetime commitment of two willing parties. He says he does not love you, confesses loving someone else. I think he will never love you and will always remind you that you forced yourself on him for the rest of your life.
Please move on e on with your life, that family can’t be trusted
Hi,
I do not know what the mother did but its clear that you were not this guy’s first choice.
So what if whatever influence his mother had on him now fades later? He could leave you for the other later?
He was two timing with you and another lady…he is not right for you.
Keep the baby and love him/her as much as you can but marriage with that dude is not the bets solution.
Have some self confidence….a man deserving of you should be your only choice.