My Fiancé Wants Us To Get Married Immediately To Avoid Cheating On Me-Pls Advise
Good day,
I need your advise. I am very worried. I think my relationship with my fiancé is not going well . What can I do to avoid a complete heartbreak. I love him so much …I don’t want to loose him but I do not want to do anything rash and regret it later..So we met about four years ago. We were friends and later he started toasting me…I initially did not want to because I felt he was not my type.
You know, he is a bit outgoing while I am very reserved. He is handsome and gets attention from ladies easily. I used to see how ladies are flirting around him. He was actually dating someone when we met but they broke up cos of finances…her taste was too high for him…or so he said.
He started talking to me a few months after …which was why I played a little hard to get. Eventually…he said things that made me fall for him. He liked my simplicity, I don’t nag, I do not talk anyhow,I am hardworking, do not need money from a guy and I am very funny. We laugh a lot when we are together…
I really loved him. He is a great guy and he loves me a lot…he goes out of his way to show how much he cares about me. I can say…maybe I was wrong about him…he is serious about me…yes…we have small misunderstanding here and there like normal couples but we always find a way to solve everything.
He proposed to me last year and I said yes. We plan to get married in 2021. Maybe in June or so. All these while, we were never having s*x cos I told him I was going to wait until marriage for s*x. He agreed and praised me for my decision even though I am not a virgin but I dedicated my life to God a few years ago and I am determined to honor Him with my body until marriage.
In October last year, I got a new job that was quite far from my house. We talked how difficult it was going from my place at Ipaja to work in Lekki-Ajah everyday…it was affecting me badly and I almost quite my job like a month after…but we talked and decided that I move into his place in Lekki Phase one since we are even engaged though…
I moved in and things were easier for me…for the first two weeks…he was so happy I was around and made me feel so loved and happy too. We lost our guard and started making love. The more we tried not to…the more we did it. I struggled but I also told myself…after all…we are going to get married soon.
However, after the Christmas holiday, which I travelled …I came back and noticed that he was no longer interested in having s*x with me. I thought I did something but he said he felt guilty for leading me to have s*x against my promise to wait until marriage. That from now,we wait until marriage to continue.
To me, that is not bad. I tried to keep that promise …so we stopped sleeping together…he would sleep in the guest room while I slept in his room. However, I noticed he started also to show less interest in me. I initially thought it was my imagination but I noticed when he gets home, instead of gisting with me like before,he would say he is tired and go right to bed and lock up his room.
I missed him and told him I could not bear his lack of interest in me anymore….he said he was trying to avoid us getting intimate cos he cannot hold back when he is spending too much time with me. I miss him and I do not like the strange way he is acting. I wish I never moved into his house so I begged my brother for money and got an apartment so I could rent a small room and move out to my place.
When I told him I was moving out…he was furious…he felt I was wasting money but I told him I could not be in the same house with him and he would not talk to me as he used to because he is afraid of sleeping with me again. He reluctantly agreed but that did not help matters.
Since I moved to my place two weeks ago, I noticed he calls me less and I am actually getting more and more worried about the distance that is happening around us. I will eb the one to call him everyday…whereas…he used to call and check on me and gist and all of that…but no more.
I told my friend who thinks he is actually loosing interest and might soon break up with me. I decided to show up at his place when he is not expecting me. I went there last Tuesday and walked into a girl in his apartment wearing nothing but his T Shirt. I was livid and finally understood why he was no longer interested in me.
I am broken and I am so betrayed….but he has been begging me and asking me to forgive him…that the girl means nothing to him ….he said he only did it because he has been s*x starved for a long time and he just made a terrible mistake…he wants me to move back into his apartment and we should get married immediately so we can stop waiting for marriage to make love.
Ma, that is my issue…I love him so much…I want to marry him…I want to make love to him for the rest of my life…I just cant wrap my head around him cheating on me less than a month of moving out of his apartment….I sometime feel he has been cheating all these while…maybe I only just caught him…
My fiancé has been doing everything possible to show he means what he said…he wants us to go to court next week and get married legally and we can do a big wedding later. I want nothing more than that…I have forgiven him for his indiscretion…I had to…cos I do not want to loose him….but somewhere at the back of my mind…I feel I might loose him even if we get married….
Will marriage solve our problems? He swears he will never look at another woman again…he only wants me and wants to make love to me as his wife….he cries everyday…oh my God…those words make me believe him so much…do you think he is truly changed and will be faithful once we get married…
I know s*x is a big deal in marriage…so why did he stop us from from having s*x when I was staying with him…yes…he said he wanted us to wait till marriage but soon as I moved out…he brings another girl in to have s* with her…I feel he is not telling me something…or is he? This s*x matter is confusing me…
I told him we needed time….maybe a little more time but he says he can no longer wait because he does not want to cheat on me…and he cannot stop thinking about me and making love to me when we are married. I do not want to loose him…and I feel he is right…me being apart from him…can lead to something else that will break us up…
What do you think…should we get married or is this such a bad idea?
Anonymous
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If I were you …..I will be doing Thanksgiving for God exposing him..if not would he have told you…..please this big red flag is enough…..the sudden change from him was the presence of another woman in his life…..his begging shouldn’t mean anything to you..because the moment you fail in satisfying him…he will cheat……..you are a born again like you said so in your place of prayer hear from God.
If you marry Him, just know that it will be difficult for Him to be percent faithful at some point down the line despite your being a wonderful wife.
If you are ok with that all the dangers that comes with it including STD’s go ahead.
If not, reconcile with God, be prayerful, let God bring you someone that upholds the same values as you, in your next relationship stick to your resolve and don’t have s.x before marriage.
It’s is better to broken and cry now than later.
All the best
Some advise I read here can easily mislead. He made a mistake and apologized for it. He even requested u get married immediately to avoid a repeat. See, any man can loose guard in 5 minutes. What is important is showing enough and sincere remorse and working to avoid a repeat. Accept his marriage proposal and pray his repentance is honest.
Those asking you to walk away will not be presence to solve your emotional trauma when things go south. You are your best judge. He wants you obviously and ready to commit to you. Pray to God for leading. The rest will fall in place.
My dear,
I will say it again, you travelled for Christmas and by the time you came back you noticed the difference. Do you know why, because He got distracted and started sleeping with someone else.
You moved out of the house barely two months and you see what happened next, a lady started sleeping there ( whether over the weekend or just for a night).
(Neither of these makes s.x bf marriage right though).
But this tells you that except He changes throughly, He’s tendency to err is pretty high, marriage doesn’t not entirely fix faithfulness issues because in marriage there could be times when you are apart.
Eg what happens when ;
1) You go to have a baby
2) Little period after You’ve just had a baby and healing
3) You travel for work or to see your parents alone etc. or vice versa.
So if you go ahead and rush the wedding , just ensure you are ALWAYS on your toes.
It is your choice but these are red flags.
You have a choice to make here, to move on or forgive him. Listen to your guts and at the same time pray long and hard before making any decision. Wish you all the best
I’m alarmed with comments here. Move on like the next man will not cheat on you. Cheating is bad but has apologized and He wants to get married immediately why not accept his marriage proposal and get married.