Hello ma,
I just want to say thank you for all your counsel and to everyone that has spoken on my issue. I know they are all good counsel and well meaning. And I have been thinking about everything everyone has said.
I just need your prayers more. Please because my heart is torn. My heart is torn because even with all the counsel,I still don’t know what to do. So, I told my Aunt and my mother what really happened between me and Gbenro (not real name,but call my neighbor that).
They were shocked so a family meeting was called. They also called Gbenro and Gbenro did not deny anything. He said he was sorry and he knows he was wrong but that he was afraid that I would not agree to marry him because he was older than me or a divorcee.
Gbenro is 39 years old. I do not see him as very old,before the incident,we get along very fine. We gist and I really like him.I just never imagined that he would drug me to forcefully make love to me. He said he has been asking God for forgiveness,that he has never done anything like that before. That it was loneliness that made him think of such an evil thing,that is why he wants to marry me.
My family asked me if I love him and I said yes but I feel hurt that he had to rape me. And I also told them my fear of him doing it again if we get married. Gbenro has promised to swear by anything my family wants,that he will never do it again. My family is now begging me to consider him.
My mother thinks no one might even marry me if they find out that I was raped. And in all these,I did not even think what will happen to me,what if I get pregnant because I never thought of this before. I did not go to the hospital or anything. Will I abort if I get pregnant?
My Auntie in particular is of the opinion that good always comes out of a challenge. She says that this happened for a reason. At least,I will get married to someone who care for me and will provide for me for the remaining part of my education. She said things are tough because she is the one running her home,the lock down has affected her husband’s business badly.
So now,my family is asking Gbenro to swear not to ever hurt me again and he is willing to. I have tried to pray to God to guide me. Left for me,I would rather walk away but circumstances are beyond my control. I also think maybe its God’s will for things to work out this way…what if Gbenro is truly my destiny?
Life is not perfect …do you still feel I should walk away after this? I know if I refuse,my Auntie may not be happy because she has really tried for me. She says I have nothing to fear,that God has a plan for me in all these.
Gbenro is really showing remorse. His elder sister too has been coming to beg me. That his brother is not a rapist . That his divorce made him really sad and he actually has not been able to love anyone again. That she feels I am the one that will help him if I agree to marry him.
Like I said, I could walk away as the most advise I have see here have said …I just want to update you all and still know what you think…please advise me again…its not easy…my heart is really confused…marry Gbenro and hope everything will go fine (everyone is sure will) or walk away and miss my destiny or face my family that is struggling financially.
Can any good thing come out of this situation? What if Gbenro really made a mistake…Thank you all so much. I really cherish your advise on the journey so far. God bless you.
Anonymous Lively Stones Facebook Fan
Photo Credit:verywellmind
I Believe you’re an adult and as such you can make decisions on your own. Going ahead with the marriage just to satisfy your family at your own expense. Has he repented?. Yes, is his repentance genuine.? We never can tell but that doesn’t change who he is. Have you tried knowing why his first marriage crashed aside what he tells you about his ex wife. Remember your aunt or anyone else won’t stay in the marriage with you. If he’d not raped you, would he have come for you to seek marriage? Think dear. The words that nobody might come for knowing you’ve been raped is nothing but a lie. Don’t be deceived into making a decision that might ended up costing your life at the end. I don’t pray so for you. If you reject him now, someone way off better than him would surely come. It’s apparent your Aunt is after his money and if anything happens later on, he’ll tell his next girl your families are good diggers. I would advise you to walk away not minding the odds.
Marriage is a lot of work and you can’t let your emotions rule you. You need to be firm and matured to deal with the whole situation.
Looking at your current situation, I will advice the following:
Suspend wedding plans for now. Ask him to formally date you and while you are dating find out what kind of person he his. Don’t be carried away by emotions rather focus on your goal.
Do your independent research on this guy. Find out his friends, lifestyle and why he is divorced. Your family should also find out about his family.
Give your relationship time and see if you will be able to let go of the past. Don’t rush!!!
Based on your findings you can determine if you want to go ahead or not.
If you decide to go ahead, get a lawyer!!!!
Let him sign a written documents!!!!!
Your family has already accepted this guy and made him believe he is a “saviour”, therefore you need an independent support away from your family. Get a family lawyer, therapist involved. Don’t enter that marriage without this support structure. I beg you!!!!!
Finally Pray and keep praying. As you continue to pray, things will align for your good, you will see your life take shape and you will become bold and confident, knowing what to do.
God bless you dear.
God will bless you for giving her the best advice well done.
Wonderful advice. Just work on the advice. You need time.
Sister,we all are not perfect in any way,I think you should forgive him and marry him,if you love him.. offcourse most people will tell u to move on but i urge u have a rethink ,knw wat you want and do the right thing..shit happens
My dear I was a victim of rape, mine is even not once nor with one man… but I ended up with the most loving, caring, and supporting husband.. I told him everything from onset… you will be shocked as to how my hubby pampers me.. he never for once make reference to my past…. my advice is don’t marry him…. anyone that can think of rape has mental issue… plus he wont respect you the moment you are married to him… marriage is not about others opinion ooo… marry for your parents or family please.. marry for your self cos when thw wahala starts they will not be there with you and will only tell you to endure, at that time it will be too late… PLS BE BOLD AND START LIVING FOR YOURSELF rather than Family… love you girl stay strong.
Don’t make a decision you will later regret… Marrying a man who raped you because of your family financial struggle doesn’t add up at all..
What your mum said isn’t true at all…There are a lot of women who are rape victims and still get married to a loving and caring husband…Being a rape victim doesn’t make you less woman…
A word is enough for the wise…
Above all,follow your heart..
It is not a bad choice if you proceed to marry him. Everyone and everything changes. Just stay prayerful and hope sincerely he has changed. Many who married as a virgin to the love of their life are divorced today, some are even terribly abused. The end justify the means. Proceeds with the marriage if you can convince your mind to accept the man. If you mind is at peace with him, you should have no objection at the immediate. It is well
Indeed what a pathetic story and honestly the deed has been done… my question is what lead to his divorce since his not old to you and why did he drug you since both of you love each other like a Christian please forgive him and search within your self if truly you feel anything for him which no one will feel that except you then you can say yes and take him back of not my dear be in charge of your life and face the reality. Good luck
Have you also considered that he is 16 years older? Would you be comfortable with that as both of you age together?
I will suggest you ask him and your family to give you time to know more about him and within this time, always pray that God should separate you from him if he is not the right person for you
Hello,
He is 16 years older than you????
Please forget this. Reach out to Jhanze personally, get closer to God.
Check if you are pregnant ( hopefully not) and for STD’s.
Let Him go. There will be a way to finish school.
It may be tough but you will meet someone else younger, who would love you unconditionally.
It’s bad enough He raped you but He also drugged you, that’s evil, what if you never woke up? He thought about this plot carefully and got the drugs to knock you off. What if you passed away in the process? He did all that to satisfy His selfish desire. He could have simply asked for your hand in marriage and allow you decide without manipulation.
It won’t be easy but if you can stand your ground, be chast after this , somewhere in the future you’ll reap a good harvest and be glad you did.
Can something good come out of marrying him now , well yes, you get married but is this the BEST decision? Except you are already pregnant, I don’t think so.
Don’t rush marriage , it’s good to discover yourself , your voice , be clear what you want in life and not just a victim of circumstance.
All the best .
Well thank God you told your people what happened. It seems you want to go ahead with his proposal but before then I’ll suggest you try to find out what happened between him and his ex wife because his action can’t be justified. On a second thought, could it be his own way of having s*x.
Please take your time to decide because marriage is a lifetime union. Even though you love your family, do consider what is best for you. I wish you well
Hello dear,
What you have been through is not something your family should trivialize. I know you are scared and you feel pressured but I want to ask…is there any one you can think of that can support whatever decision you take?
I honestly do not think you should marry Gbenro. He took something precious from you…he drugged you to even do that.
That is criminal and you should not marry him. Either you report him to the police or forgive him but do not marry him.
He may have made a mistake but some mistakes you can never leave behind you…this is one of them.
So find you a support system if your family can no longer support you. Even if you drop out of school…DO NOT MARRY THIS FELLOW!
Remember,your future is not based on any man..be hardworking and ambitious and trust God…you will be fine in the end.
This man is trouble…that he could even conceive such an evil plan? Have you thought that he could have killed you? What if he has psychological problems? You may never know until later in life.
Move away from Aunt’s house and go somewhere far and safe.
Things may be rough today but all you have is your integrity and freedom…do not be pressured to marry someone who took advantage of your trust. Mistake or not!
Remember,this is your life…do not let other lead you without your consent.
Good…Gbenro is repentant…let him go and sin no more…but he should saty clear of you.
Also,get to the hospital,get checked for STDs and other stuff… hopefully you do not get pregnant but if you do…well,that is story for another day.
And next time..do not spend time alone with anyone that could possibly overpower you. Do not ever let down your guard completely.
You are not a victim…you are a star and you deserve to choose who you love and they ought to treat you with respect and not pressure you for their own gain.
God is the father of the fatherless and husband to the widow…do not loose hope….even if your Aunt stops helping…God will make a way.
I wish things were different but this is real life…sometimes bad things happen to good people.
This bad thing happened but it does not need to shape the rest of your life…move on from it to greater heights…you will be glad you did later in life.
I am routing for you…stay strong and determined….God is with you and this too shall pass.
God bless you.
It will never end well ooo
It simply shows he has an aggressive side that comes out occasionally. In marriage he won’t need to hide that side anymore. Being raped doesn’t stop you from meeting a responsible guy in the future. PLEASE LEAVE THE RAPIST ALONE. DONT MARRY HIM. YOU WON’T ENJOY THAT MARRIAGE E
Give it a trial but make sure to be very watchful in case things are not going as planned,withdrew immediately.
Mama Jzhane has said it all please move on don’t marry Gbenro he is bad news
[…] ALSO READ:My Neighbor Raped Me Because He Is In Love With Me-Pt 3 […]