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I was now really worried….I turned to my wife, asking her…honey, what is it? What are you supposed to be explain to me….my wife looked at me and the doctor and said she was sorry but she never knew it would get to this.
What did she mean by saying sorry? Did she destroy her womb with past abortions? But the doctor said 3 years. What could these mean? I was anxious at this time. My wife then explained and said to me: that while we were dating, she took a five year contraceptive injection which has hindered her from getting pregnant because the injection prevents pregnancy for 5 years.
I was like: what the hell are you trying to say? You took injections to prevent pregnancy and you never told me? And you been pretending to be praying and believing God for a child while you know you are not ready to have a child? I stormed out of the hospital.
I was so angry at her revelation and betrayal.
That day, we had the most difficult quarrel of our marriage. She tried to explain that her heart was broken from her previous relationship, hence she was not sure of my, she took that contraceptive to make sure she does not get tied down in marriage if things don’t work out.
To be honest, I am done with my wife always using her ex relationship to haunt me in my marriage. I do not think she has fully opened up to me. She might still be in love with her ex and I am sick of her deceit.
We have not recovered from that revelation ever since. She and her family have been begging me to forgive and forget. I have tried to forgive but the problem: I have lost trust for my wife. I do not know if that trust can ever be regained.
I feel less and less attracted to her now. I do not know if I can love her the way I wanted to. She has denied me the possibility of being a father for the next 2-3 years. We were dating when she took the injection and was pretending with all those fake pregnancy tests she would take very month…raising and dashing my hopes…yes…but then she could have at least told me, maybe I would have believed her and be more patient.
Please advise me. I really have started thinking of getting a divorce. How do we recover from this kind of hurt. Is this how every woman is? All I ever wanted was to be a good husband and father. I have tried my best but my wife has broken me so much. My friend gave me your details.
We need professional counseling but I fear that even counseling may not help because I now realize that when I first proposed to my wife, she rejected my proposal because she till loved her ex and she took semi permanent contraceptive when we were dating without telling me.
How can you help us ma…I will also like to read advise from other members of the group.
God bless you.
Anonymous Mr X from Lagos
Photo Credit:medicalnewstoday
Your story is a very pathetic and painful one but I will advise you forgive her wholeheartedly God will hear and heal your home..I wish you speed in all of your heart desires..
It is well,pls forgive her.You need to take things easy with her,having heartbreak especially from one you love dearly is not an easy thing and that’s why she did what she did,but she would have not done it in marriage. Divorce is not the best,thank God doctor said she can give birth but you have to wait for 3years.My brother 3years will soon be here and you will carry your babies,you have to love and keep trusting her biko nna,make sure your marriage works, you are too young to be called a divorcee.I wish you all the best,inugo.
I really feel your pain bro…. sorry for going through all that… I will advice you take your time to heal, forgive your wife…
But then I want you to ask your wife if she really wants this marriage to work, divorce is not good but then I’ll not advice you to stick with someone who is not ready to be with you…..
Let her move on and stop making reference to the ex otherwise you may need to let her go
Let her starts taking fertility drugs God will comfort you and give you peace on all side
Hugs
You need time to heal. If possible, stay where you won’t see her for sometime and see if that will help.
Also forgive her
Deceit from the one you loved could be very painful. Your wife is most probably thinking her ex will come back that why she took the contraceptive so that if anything happens she is not tied down with children. Honestly she did not do well at all. Even if she does not want babies it is not advisable for newly wedded bride to take hormonal because she does not understand her body reactions to this.
Some people immediately after expiration of the hormonal they get pregnant and some it takes months to years.find out the kind of contraceptive she used. Like implant on the hand is removable or IUCD. Anyway take time to heal and forgive her. It take time to build the trust again. You might need to excuse yourself for a while and look the reasons why you love her first. It is well
My advice is going to be from a medical point of view because I am a dr.
Firstly the only irreversible contraceptive is tubal ligation. There are long term contraceptives which could last a period of 5 to 10 yrs like hormone releasing iucds and implants, but they can be removed any time the woman desires conception. So the good news is that you guys don’t have to wait for 3 or more years to have children.
While dating you she did not need your permission to get a contraceptive, its her body and I think it is a responsible thing to do if you are having unprotected S.e.x and doesnt want to have a child out of wedlock.
About rejecting your proposal she might have not been ready at that time but feeling change.
What I find disturbing is the fact that she led you on pretending to be trying to get pregnant when she would have just gone back to the hospital to get it reversed. Perhaps she might have been ignorant not knowing she doesnt have to wait the whole 5 yrs. I hope you make a good decision after you have evaluated all these possible scenarios
Good one
Very painful indeed.
Please, you need to forgive her for you to heal from the hurt. If you are great believers in God, there is nothing hard for God to do. If she can truly repent of her mistake and both of you believe God for a miracle, even in the midst of a supposed sure pregnancy preventive measure, one can get pregnant. Am a living witness.
It is well
The injection is reversible, it’s her body and she had every right to make that decision, however if you truly ever loved her, you will forgive and forget. Love conquers all.
This matter is very sensitive and needs patience.
We didn’t hear from the woman’s side so I can’t judge her but she should have been honest with her man about doing the birth control. I guess she thought she won’t be discovered.
To the matter of the woman been hurt in her previous relationship: we don’t know what transpired in that relationship and getting healing for her will involve some counselling so that she can open up and forgive. Some people get hurt to the extent they don’t believe in love or ever get married (I know people like that) and as such they don’t even know how to reciprocate love.
Therapy and counselling is the way to restore this union so both of you can heal together and possibly build a happy home.
Kindly forgive your wife. I would advice that you take out time to heal from this hurt. Your wife needs to learn to erase the memories from her past and move on.
Also, i don’t think she has to wait for another 3 years to get pregnant. The contraceptive can be removed at any time ( which is now)
Please Sir forgive your wife, the deed has been done already and move on with your lives. Divorce is never the best solution to any Problem. Please find a place in your heart to forgive your wife. Even if it means giving her a little space, do all you can but divorce is never an option. Listen to the advice the doctors here gave about reversing the implant. It will surely end in praise. Las Las you go dey ok.
Shalom
This is painful but I think you she forgive your wife since love covers everything.pray that God would heal your heart and help you forgive her.help her ask for forgiveness from God and trust him for a miracle.divorce is not the solution…. .hugs
It’s a hard time you’ve gone through and 5yrs of hoping and doping is disheartening. If it’s about her X, please give her sometime alone to sort herself who she is going to end up with as you also find healing for yourself. She may still be in love with a man who walked away from her long ago and realizing it will make her make a final decision that you’ll use to either get back or go forward. Take heart.
Hello,
It would appear that your wife is holding on to a past and that is hindering your future. I think you just need to talk to your wife.
Let her know you love her and that you are willing to help her overcome her fear and her past.
If she is ready,the contraceptive can be undone. Find a specialist that can help.
Forgive her actions…she may have done so in fear …you just have to show her that you will be by her even at her worst.
I know you feel angry and betrayed but you know her very well…I am sure you love her beyond her faults.
Sometimes, people marry people who have been broken by past relationships. Do not quit on her.
If she is willing to make the effort…do not give up on her.
Except she is still not willing to change and let go,….then give her some time to heal and let her decide if she truly wants to be married and have kids with you.
In all…let what yo do be guide by love and kindness and empathy.
Its not easy but you will be fine and happy in the end.
God bless