Pandemic Ruined My Marriage-Now I Am In Pain And Depression, Please Advise.
Hello,
This is coming from a broken heart. I really feel so depressed cos of the betrayal that I have been through. So, I got married in 2018. My husband is a medical personnel in the US. When we got married, we started to work on my papers and it was not forth coming. So, I got a tourist visa to go and join him for a year while still working on permanent papers.
My husband is a very loving man and I bless God for him. Through out the first year of our marriage, we tried to get pregnant all through but nothing happened. I had to come back to home after my one year ended to apply again. while I was here, the pandemic and lock down happened. So, I could not go back to my husband for almost a year.
We spoke everyday during the pandemic. Always telling each other that we miss each other. So after the lock down, I have been trying to get back to my husband. I have compiled all my papers and waiting for my husband to send me the necessary documents so I can include them in the application.
Since them, my husband has been giving me one excuse or the other for why he has not sent the documents. He said he has been busy, bla bla. I know his job keeps him busy yes but this his behavior is strange. I just began to get worried that he is not making this a priority. Sometimes, I will even call him and he will not answer.
I became worried and called his elder sister in US. She then told me she will call me back. Last month, she fixed a zoom meeting with me and my husband and it was in that meeting that my husband told me that he has something to confess to me. His voice was shaking. He knelt down and told me he has done something bad and wants me to forgive him.
He said he slept with a coworker during the lockdown and the lady is pregnant. That the lady told him that she was going to remove the pregnancy but he told her no because he has been looking for a baby since we got married. The lady said the only way she will keep the baby is if he will marry her, that she will not have a baby outside wedlock.
That he told her he is already married but the lady said that is the only way she will keep the baby. So, that is why he has been avoiding bringing me back to the US. That he loves me and he does not want to let me go but he just wants the woman to have the baby and maybe later they can divorce when the baby is born and then I can come back to join him.
I thought he and his sister were pulling my legs cos I just left the meeting and went to cry my eyes out. After several days of calling and me rejecting his call, my husband and I spoke and he still kept begging me. He swears that he will divorce the woman after she gives birth. That he just wants to make sure she keeps his child.
This whole thing makes me want to just end my marriage but I love my husband so much. He now calls me everyday, asking for forgiveness and I want to just try and see his reasoning but his reasoning is so selfish. Just because I have not had a baby in just three years of marriage. Just because I was not around during a pandemic…he has s8x with another woman and has a baby and marries her and he wants me to forgive him?
what kind of wickedness is this? Do I deserve this? My family is divided about this. Some members of my family want me to call it quits while some, want me to remain after all, he is still my husband. My husband wants to come back to Nigeria this summer to beg and make up but I don’t know id I want to see him. I don’t think the pain I feel will ever go away.
I loved and trusted this man. I don’t trust him anymore. I cannot even talk to him even though I love him so dearly. My heart has been shattered in pieces. Of what use is being married? Just to wait that he eventually divorces his US wife maybe in another 2 or 3 years? I really am heartbroken. If you were in my shoes, what will you do? Will you forgive and wait for such a man to divorce the other woman or would you move on? Please advise.
Anonymous
Photo Credit:huffingtonpost
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Better move on with your life
Madam don’t move on,you love him right? I understand your pains,agony and grieve but you see this man is still your husband. He has not asked for a divorce, he has not asked you to go or leave,marriage is for better or best,please stick to your marriage and just watch as things unfold. My only issue I have with your hubby is that he is scared of you not being able to birth a child of your own ,so for him this is a great opportunity to have a baby of his own but from a strange woman. You didn’t say if the woman was a white person, if she is, that means it is easy to divorce her. Chaii this is painful, wetin this lockdown abi na pandemic don cause for marriages no be here oooo,my sister just be patient and take care of yourself, don’t be depressed biko,when he comes back please reach a concrete agreement before he goes back. Peace be unto your soul,but your hubby sef,just three years and him don begin play a way match
The fact that she still doesn’t have papers,yet the man went and married someone else,it means it will take longer for her to even get hers now. It’s better she moves on with her life. Such betrayal are the worst. You’ll be the second option henceforth. The pain will relive in your life always from this moment. Trust me,his family will support this 200%. It’s going to be one issue or another. When that wife stands making demands that don’t favor you,next, you’ll be the wife in Africa and she’ll be the one there. My advice is, divorce him. Take time to heal and put your life together. If he’s your God given husband,he will do everything to come back after the baby is born. For now,it’s best you be selfish too. If it’s yours, however long it takes,it will still come back to you. All the best.
Hello,
So sorry for the pain you feel.
If your husband is reading this, my advice to him is not to marry the Lady abroad because the strange woman is threatening to take the child’s life. Ask her not, if she takes out the child it’s sad but don’t compromise your marriage for that.
You have only been together 1 year since marriage, you are not barren, children will come from his Sarah not Hagar, he should prioritise your coming to join him and no one should put you under pressure to get pregnant, it will come.
On your part, please tighten up and pray, pray, pray. It’s better you two get together soonest, this is the advice Paul gave married people do everything possible to come together ASAP, don’t give the enemy a foot hold. Delaying the process of your coming will just delay things for you, 2-3 years time? What if this new lady does not want a divorce, he enjoys her or she takes in soon after for baby two down the line? It becomes more difficult for him to fulfill his promise to leave her. Also, the process of divorce before He can file for you again as a wife.
Say no to him marrying another woman. If He insists … , mmh, if He insists, Ill say still stay but fire prayer.
Speak with his Sister, she did well to ensure he told you, hopefully she’ll be on your side.
What the Lord has joined together, let not a strange woman but asunder. Sister wipe your tears and PRAY.
All the best.