True Life Story: Beware Of Friends Who You Tell About Marriage Problems
Hi Lively Stones,
Please keep my identity out of this when you post this. I am very worried and panicking as I write this. You see, one has to be very careful the type of people one calls friends especially when having marriage problems. I have known Fatima since high school. I know her to her family. She has been a friend through thick and thin but I can’t really say what happened to her since like a couple of years ago. Maybe it was the fact that she has been dealing with challenges in her marriage and relationships, I really don’t know.
To be honest, I am not one to judge anyone because I am not a saint either, I believe every relationship has their own challenges. But I made a terrible mistake by trusting Fatima with my marriage issues. I thought she was still the same girl I knew when we were younger, I also felt because she had gone through some of these things herself, she would be able to relate. So recently, things have not being going very well with my marriage. My husband and I are facing some difficulties mainly around our inability to have children after almost six years of marriage.
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The wait to have children have been really hard on us. There are so many things we have done over the years that have not worked. We done all the fertility tests in the world, done IVF,etc. We were able to find out eventually that my husband has low sperm count and we have been treating it for the past two years. Its expensive, time consuming, emotionally draining and psychologically demanding. I had to be the one encouraging my husband because many times, he got depressed and would almost want to give up on the entire process.
For the last couple of months, things have gone from bad to worse. My husband has been refusing to make any efforts towards our plan to have babies. He said if its not God’s will for us to have children, then so be it. He even got as far as, we should adopt or I should divorce him cos he is frustrated. I got worked up and blamed him for giving up so soon. Yes, we have started the adoption process, but its also very expensive cos we have spent almost everything we have on all the fertility treatments. We also recently got scammed by some people who were trying to help us with the adoption process.
All these things made us drift apart more. Husband started avoiding coming home cos he said he wanted to avoid me bothering him with all these talk about having a baby. He said he needed a break from all of it. I felt he was insensitive because, I got married a bit late, at age 33…now, I am 39, going to 40… when are we going to actively pursue having our own children? Things got so bad, I accused him of spending time with other girls, he didn’t deny it….he actually said, what is wrong if he is sleeping with other girls if he can’t get any woman pregnant.
There were plenty hurtful words between us…we were actually breaking apart. My family got to know my husband was the reason we could not have kids….some members advised that I end the marriage cos it was not worth it. I was really at my wit’s end cos much as I loved my husband, I felt he was not committed enough to our plight. Then one day, I chatted with Fatima on WhatsApp…we just got talking and catching up with old times.
Fatima told me she and her husband separated, the man was unfaithful. She narrated all her ordeals in the marriage…She says they have not divorced but she got tired of playing the victim, so while he is messing up, she too is catching her fun. Meaning she was having an affair. Everything that Fatima was saying, kind of made sense to my situation with my husband. After we gisted for a while, Fatima invited me to Abuja, to come spend some time, to get my mind off things for a while.
The idea seemed fine cos my husband was not even around for me to say I was missing him or he cared about me or my happiness. So, I travelled to Fatima’s place for a week and tried to take my mind off my marital problems. Fatima tried to hook me up with some of her friends but I was not ready to committing adultery on my husband so I avoided all of that. But she persisted and said we must go clubbing just to dance and let our hair down….I agreed eventually.
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So we were at the club and we were just hanging out, dancing but what I did not know was that Fatima had laced my drinks with drugs. I was no longer in control, I was drunk and high. After a while, the partying got wild, we were invited to the VIP section. Fatima told me that is where the big boys of Abuja have fun. And the fun was wild s3x orgy. The drugs and alcohol got me, so I just couldn’t resist. Everyone was touching and making out with everyone. Several men were having s3x with several women. It was Sodom and Gomorrah.
Some were bisexuals, gays…all kinds of stuff. I don’t know who many people had s3x with me that night. It was crazy and I was high…seriously I thought I was free and enjoying myself. This continued till dawn….everybody began to leave. I passed out. I have never had such marathon s3x before. I only knew I was being lifted to a car and when we got to Fatima’s house, someone carried me to the bed….I slept till noon…when I woke up, I was sick…vomiting and reacting to the drugs.
Fatima got a nurse to come give me some injections cos I was seriously sick. When I was finally conscious….I wanted to k*ll Fatima….I was like …why would you do this to me? Why drug me and trick me into this…she was like, I needed to get my freedom and have fun cos life is short. Life is short…but this is not the kind of person I am. I was sick for several days. I moved to a hotel cos I couldn’t trust Fatima anymore. I also went to the hospital to get checked and given antibiotics for any potential infection.
Fatima and I had a big quarrel because she said I was being a btch….that I was the one who came to her, telling her of my marital problems, how my husband has not fcked me for months and he was fcking other women. That she was just trying to help and that I should be thanking her…that I am feeling bad when other women are busy fcking my husband…that its just s3x…nothing serious….that I was being self righteous and that if I talk too much, she will f*ck my husband…that life will continue…that I should stop acting foolish…can you imagine…I never knew Fatima had changed….this is not the same girl I used to know.
I admit, I knew Fatima inviting me meant maybe we would mess around but I only wanted to maybe flirt around….just wanted to feel good about myself…wanted to be wanted and desired….but not to do drugs and get involved in an orgy….I never in my life time would have agreed to do that for any reason. Fatima wanted to mock me….maybe she even wants me to be separated from my husband like she is with hers. I can’t stop blaming myself for agreeing to come to Abuja to see Fatima.
After I was well enough, I had to leave Abuja for Lagos. I went straight to my room and cried and cried for days. I have been cooked up in my room for almost 4 days….blaming myself…blaming Fatima….blaming my husband….my husband came home a few days ago….he noticed I was not myself and asked what is wrong…told him I was sick….he has been buying me malaria drugs that I have been taking but truly, I am so sick to my stomach that I am wondering what am I to do with my life?
I feel like I went too far…what if someone taped me having an orgy? Fatima said no one was filming but how can I trust her after this? What will my husband think? How am I supposed to live with myself if my husband or my family finds out about that night? I have not been able to keep calm…I need advise. My husband has been around these past couple of days…he tried to make love to me…I rejected him…he thought I was still angry with him but he does not know that its because of the horrible secret I am keeping.
What am I supposed to do please…I am scared…confused and exhausted…my life has never been in this kind of mess before…I have never kept any secret from my husband….will this be the first time? will he forgive me? I doubt it….he has been looking for a reason to divorce…to set me free so I can go find someone to have a baby with…I love my husband…if he is willing to fight for our marriage…I will fight with him…I just don’t know how to deal with myself now that I have been involved in an orgy…maybe one that has been recorded by someone.
Please help me….thoughts of ending my life are now beginning to flood my mind…do you think my husband will understand if I tell him the truth…after all..I was drugged…it was not really something I could control…..is this the end of my marriage after all? I need help.
Anonymous
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Your feelings are valid.
Your anger against your friend is valid.
Please, forgive yourself. Forgive your friend as much as you can to help you heal.
Your rejection of your husband isn’t fair. This could be a set time for your miracle.
You must realise that you were tricked into this. Hence, calm down.
I salute your consistency and faith in your marriage, even your anticipation for a child.
Take a deep breath.
One more time, take a deep breath.
Visit a beach in company of a friend , cry a river. Scream and cry and deep your feet in the water. Release the frustration and pains and turn your back on it all.
As you walk away, keep saying it to your hearing.
I’ve come too far to be pulled down, destroyed and shattered.
I’m not my experience and circumstances of my life can’t define my true identity and outcome in life.
I choose life, happiness, wholeness, happy home and fulfilment over sadness, fear and agony.
If you wish to share it with your husband, go home and tell him all that happened and remember, you are not telling him out of fear that someone videoed it but because you wish to free yourself. But, I don’t think it’s the best thing to do now.
If I’m to advice you, I will suggest you go to the health centre and asked them to flush your system so you don’t take in for a stranger.
Cut your friend off and take care of yourself and family.
Find happiness in hope and all that makes you happy. Focus on the activities that make you happy.
Stop bothering yourself and husband about baby. Let that topic rest for now.
Keep praying to God and have faith that your husband will come around and miracle will happen for your family.
Have faith that money will come for the adoption to be completed too.
You have every reason to be happy and live.
I wish you well.
Dear poster, relax,take a deep breathe,and swallow a chill pill.
Is Fatima threatening to blackmail or expose you? If she is minding her business in Abuja,then mind your marriage in Lagos,if possible block her on all social media handle.
If you feel you don’t trust her enough, kindly tell your husband that you went to visit Fatima in Abuja,you guys went partying and she drugged your drinks,and you didn’t know what happened thereafter until you regained consciousness.
Abuja people,I hail oooo,you people are doing well sha. Just keep trusting God,don’t be too anxious for nothing and never you think you married late,how can you say 33 is late? Haaaaa,abeg oooo. God shall come through for you,follow up with the adoption process,don’t give up,na who give up, loose ooo, because you go explain tire without evidence and keep praying for your husband,six years is not too long now, it’s not sixteen years,so keep trying mama ejima. I wish you well.
Udo
Just tell him everything.
First time @KING is not blaming women.
So here is the thing….
I think she needs to get a thorough medical check up
Make sure she’s free of STDs or unwanted pregnancy
Then….she needs to pray to God for guidance and healing
No need to blame herself….mistake has been made
As for Fatima…its time to see that she is dead to her
Never ever contact her for anything again
Then….she should tell her husband to follow her to therapy cos there are issues she wants them to trash out
That is….if the husband is willing
At therapy….they should address the husband’s mental health…I think the bobo is feeling defeated cos he can’t father a child
But if he sees your unflinching commitment, he will be fine
Focus on adoption when you are financially stable
Then also get the therapist to help introduce the orgy sex situation
Let him know it was all the drugs and bad decisions that caused it
Let him know you are fully committed to the marriage….child or no child
And then….both of you need to find ways to rekindle your love again
I suggest at least a one month romantic vacation
Renew your wedding vows
Find ways to do fun things
No more putting pressure on yourselves
Do not allow external pressure on yourselves
Be easy in yourselves
Allow yourselves to forgive each other
Let the past be the past….
Do not let the past drown you
Cheers