Loneliness Caused My Addiction But Cheating On My Husband Is Beyond My Control-Pls Help

Loneliness Caused My Addiction But Cheating On My Husband Is Beyond My Control-Pls Help

Good day lively stones,

I plead for anonymity. I need help. I am embarrassed and ashamed but if I don’t get help, I might loose my marriage. My name is Maria (not real name). I am married for almost 8 years now. My husband is a Clergy man who works with less privileged in an NGO. We met during his work with the less privileged.

When my husband met me, I had run away from home cos I was being abused my my step father. I was left on my own. I got tired of the abuse. My mother got tired of me. She was happy I ran away cos her husband wanted me more than her. I prostituted for a while…almost got into drugs until the NGO found me.

It was the NGO that found me and helped me complete my WAEC and I learned hair making. I met my husband, then he was a young missionary that was widowed. He was kind to me, preached to me and encouraged me. Four years later, we got married and we have a son that is 6 years old now.

Marriage to my husband is kinda quiet and boring because he is completely sold out to helping the less privileged. I am a house wife but sometimes, I make peoples hair if they come to me or they book me. I started feeling lonely after marriage. My husband can spend days working on different NGO projects.

He hardly comes home. He is home only like twice in a month. I know, I signed up for this life but I am a young woman and I miss my husband. When he is even home, all he can do is less than 5 mins of s*x cos he is always tired. I feel frustrated but I try to live like that, just focusing on raising my child.

I believe that is why we have not had a second child since our first child. My husband is always too tired for s*x. Then something happened.  I was cleaning my entire house, I cleaned the guest room and everywhere doing deep cleaning. As it is, I stumbled on an old travel bags that had several old CDs of my husband.

I started going through each one of them, they were mostly old movies. So, I kept them aside so that I could watch some of them anytime I was bored. That was how I watched some of the CDs days later. And then one of the CDs turned out to be a porn video. I was shocked cos my husband is the last person I would think of that can ever watch such nonsense.

However, since I was home alone and  I was practically horny all the time, this CD became my companion. I would watch it everyday soon as I dropped my son in school and masturbated to it. This gradually became a habit and then…an addiction. I just wanted to pleasure myself to forget being alone.

This has been my secret for almost 2 years. It helped me cope with the lack of s8x in my marriage. Well, until my husband’s cousin came to drop some items he brought for us from the village. He was supposed to come the day before but he didn’t…so when he showed up the nest day…I was not expecting him. When he knocked on the door, I was watching my precious porn and I tried to switch it off but it was too late, the door swung open…and there this man came inside.

I struggled to put off the darn video a little while…he was clearly embarrassed as me. I told him sorry. He was confused…like why would I be watching such a thing. I naively told him cos I was lonely and horny all the time. He told me its alright…I begged him not to tell anyone especially my husband. He agreed.

He dropped the yams and plantain he brought for us and was about to leave but he stopped and touched me. He then promised to take care of me, relieve me of my loneliness and lack of s*x. I told him no but he held me and was starting to rub on me. He promised to make me orgasm…

I kept telling him this was wrong cos I am married and he said if I dont agree he will tell my husband. He kept rubbing me and before I knew it, he was on top of me. He started to penetrate me and starting to force himself on me…telling me to relax and enjoy all I have been missing from my husband…I couldn’t resist anymore.

I was moaning like a fool…and true to his words…I had an orgasm. I was immediately filled with guilt and I wanted to kill myself. He got up quietly and pulled back his trousers. He asked me if I enjoyed it and I nodded my head. I was just begging him not to tell my husband anything….he said its fine ,,…its our secret.

But I was a fool cos, the very next week…he called me that he was coming to make me feel good and that if I rejected him, he would tell my husband that he caught me watching porn and masturbating. I am scared. I don’t know how my husband will react if he knows I watch porn and masturbate. He is a man of God. He preaches against such but how come he has an old CD on p*rn baffles me…maybe he forgot to destroy them?

Now, I am thinking of what to say to this devil man cousin of his. Since he had his way with me, I have been feeling so guilty and yet…I cannot lie that I felt alive for the first time in a long time. To be thoroughly handled by a man who knows how to handle a woman is insane. Maybe I am insane.

If this man comes next week….then I am in full blown trouble…my marriage could crumble…this is a sin…God will punish me I know but my husband will throw me out and I have no where else to go to. what should I do? Please help me…please advise me….I am seeking advise from all to save me from shame and pending embarrassment.

Anonymous

Photo Credit:Clairemarie

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