True Life Story: Controlling Sister In-law Is Causing Problems In My Home
Hello Lively Stones Family,
I need you all to wade into this matter and advise your sister. I am a member of Lively Stones WhatsApp group. I have an issue with my over controlling sister in-law. This woman came our house and has been staying with us for almost 3 weeks. She is my husband’s older sister with just a few month but my husband treats her almost like his mother. And she behaves like she is my mother in-law, she is very controlling and tries to over step her bounds every time.
When I noticed that she was quite over bearing, I decided to ignore some of her excesses since she was just here for like a month. She would eat and not wash her plates, I would wash it for her. When am running late for work, I would still make breakfast and lunch down for her even though, she could actually warm food for herself. She will wake up and sit watching nollywood or Zeeworld from morning till night. If I try to want to watch anything else, she will not agree.
So this is what happened: last week, my washing machine broke down and I don’t have a maid, so I had to resort to washing our clothes with my hands. I work and close by 5pm. By the time I get home, to wash children’s uniforms and cook, I am tired and want to sleep. Even my husband was telling me to take things easy.
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Then I noticed, my sister in-law dropped her dirty clothes in my children’s dirty clothes basket. I laughed because I knew she was thinking I will wash her clothes. I just left the clothes there because I have not finished my children’s clothes, my husband’s and mine…I should add yours? After she noticed that I did not wash the clothes, she called me and angrily demanded as to why I did not wash her clothes. For me, it was the tone of anger she used to talk to me. And I was very tired that day.
I was quite irritated and at that point, I told her sorry sister, I am tired and can’t wash your clothes. She started talking to me with anger, that I am a pretender…that now my real attitude has shown. I refused to answer her anymore. She angrily packed the clothes to go and wash. So, I quickly chatted my husband about what was happening. And all his response was, ok. That night, when hubby returned, his sister rushed to report me to him. I was in my room when they were speaking.
I thought my husband would call me to the meeting but he didn’t. After they finished talking, hubby came into the room and was trying to go to bed. I had to ask him how far….he said he does not want to take sides with me or his sister and so, he has heard both of us, that both of us are right….so he will be neutral. That I should have tried to wash the sister’s clothes since she was just staying for a short time, besides the washing machine will be working in a few days since we called a Technician to repair it.
And that, I am also right since I was tired but that I should have still told her I will wash it later. Honestly, my husband’s response confused me? How can me and his sister be right? And how is it that, he is refusing to take sides? Is he not supposed to take sides with me his wife? Is he trying to say his sister and I are equal to him? I am pained and I told him his response feels like a let down to me. My husband did not say anything and we both slept like that.
The next morning, which is Saturday morning, me and hubby usually make love. I was surprised that he did not make any attempt that morning. So, I made advances to him and for the first time in this six years of marriage, my husband turned me down. I became so upset. Why is my husband behaving like this? I asked him why is he refusing my advances? He said I should go and apologise to his sister and he will tell his sister to apologise to me too, so that there will be peace in the house.
Please….my husband is making me really upset and disappointed. I don’t mind saying sorry but how am I wrong for refusing to wash her clothes when it was very clear that I have too much to do? Why did she not even try to assist me when she knows I have no maid and things are difficult for me? What about the insults she said to me? She was able to eventually wash her clothes so why apologise to her? She is not my mother in-law….she is just my husband’s elder sister by 8 months.
I refused to apologise cos I did not think I was in the wrong in any way…because I am a wife does not mean I am a maid. I did not abuse the sister…I simple said I cannot wash her clothes cos I am already swamped with work. Now, my husband refused to eat my food through out that day. I left him alone until he was hungry, he went to warm the food himself and eat in the night. I was laughing in my mind.
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At night, hubby started touching me, I knew what he wanted, I thought he was now ready to make up and forget everything that happened but this man is wicked. He actually caressed me, did all manner of foreplay and when I thought all was going well….he just stopped and said he is not doing again. Like, he aroused me and left me hanging. The bobo went to the bathroom to finish up. I was like….what is the meaning of this? He said since I wanted to prove am stubborn, for not apologising to his sister….he will not give me what I want.
So my husband is using emotional blackmail for me? Ha….see finish. I was boiling with anger….cos I was deprived of s3x cos of his sister. I am still upset and hubby is telling me to go and apologise. If I apologise, it means the sister has won…..it means…tomorrow, she can ask me again to wash her clothes….it means she can continue to insult me….now I am upset….I feel my husband is now punishing me…I feel my husband is actually choosing his sister over me. My husband is denying me s3x because of his sister?
Chai….I will do him back o. S3x used to be the weapon I use to get my husband no matter the issues we have…its his weakness and my weakness too…both of us don’t joke with it. He knows that and he is using the very thing he knows is a weakness for both of us to punish me. I feel this is total emotional blackmail. He knows I don’t joke with s3x and now…yesterday, he denied me s3x….today….he aroused me and left me hanging….I have suffered….I am upset and disappointed in my hubby…if he wants to play games, I too can play the lock up game….lets see who will give up first….but I fear, I may loose cos I am the one that is very h*rny right now.
Please…advise me….if you are in my shoes…what will you do…should I accept defeat and apologise of do I hold my grounds and see how far this no s3x war can go?
Anonymous
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Dear sister,
I was enjoyed this your story and it got me laughing when I started to read in-between the lines. I’d say categorically that your husband is a loving husband and a peacemaker. Not that hubby is seeing you and his sister as equals, but sometimes in life you get to act like a fool in a situation or to a person just for the sake of peace. If you check well, hubby said you should apologize to his sister while he also goes to tell his sister to Apologize to you. I don’t think he had this kind of conversation with his sister, telling her that she should come and apologize to you while he’ll tell you to apologize to her. He knows you’re his wife and he’s placed you where you ought to be, but he just wants peace; and in getting peace, you don’t always put in cognizance of you being right, you just want peace. My dear, peace most times looks foolish in the eyes of others but in the eye of the peacemaker, he/she doesn’t care bout being right or wrong. And as for leaving you high and dry, this is just a way of showing you he knows what he wants from you and he’s probably hoping you’d catch it and see it from his perspective. Please, not because you’re wrong or right, just try and Apologize for the sake of peace and watch how you’d have won hubby’s heart all over again(this I’m assuring you of). Cheers!
Well done hosting. It’s ok not to feel comfortable doing her washing especially since you have washed plates and cooked for her before leaving the home.
What you could do is engage in a peaceful conversation with her saying something in the lines of ‘ Sister, about the other day, I am sorry you were upset that I could not wash your clothes. I was actually very tired. Pls sorry about our faulty washing machine, when it is fixed, I can help put your clothes into the washing machine. I normally feel tired after a long day and have a number of things to catch up on over the weekend.’
If she is a mother herself within given you have cooked, she should know you have tried.
You can leave it at that. A wife should nourish those around you but not as a slave, cook or cleaner. Those around who truly love can also help out and clean up after themselves or to an extent but it’s ok, the holiday will soon be over. Just speak gently and if it start developing into something else, very politely excuse yourself to the toilet then take your children and stay in their room etc.
When she’s gone, encourage your husband to attend men’s programs in your local church if they discuss how men can protect their wives.
You both should also know how to hold yourselves and not use s.x as a tool.
You really don’t have to do anything you are not comfortable with. Just be polite and respectful.
Dear poster,don’t be childish and grow up please.
You can’t be rubbing shoulders with your husband and his sister,even though his sister is just 8 months older than him,and so? Why must you think she is not worth something to you ,ohhhhhh because she is not your mother in-law abi .
There is nothing bad washing her clothes,from your complain,your sister in-law hasn’t even done anything wrong to you,e be like say you dey play sef,wait let the real sister in-law descend on you,then you go know how far.
You better go and apologize and let there be peace in your home,she has just few weeks to stay in that house,make sure you treat her nicely and be a good girl to her.
.
After apologizing to your sister in-law and your husband,take him to the room and give him that thing,give him doggy style and make him scream when he’s coming,then serve him nice dinner to use cool body.
Try to dey calm down, vawulence and gbasgbos no dey solve problem. Repair your washing machine and help her to wash her clothes,if need be, thank you nwanyioma, beautiful sister wey sabi something.
I concur with everyone has said. Just apologise my dear sister .
Everything is wrong in washing her sister-in-law’s clothes. she isn’t sick, and she is @ home 24 hours, that’s the least she can do for herself and not stress her brother’s wife.
Even if she isn’t working, she can’t be doing laundering for a grown Woman.
For the peace of your home, just apologise to her but you have to put the record straight through your husband so such a thing will not repeat itself again.
The sister in-law should have an understanding that she is a grown woman who takes care of herself before coming to your house.
Since you don’t have a help and the washing machine is bad, she should have done her laundry or request politely from you to help her.
Sometimes, we don’t need all the help from hubby to fix loosen nuts in a family members head but it’s wisdom and kindness that works the magic.
For the peace of your home, be wise in your apology because whatever your hubby said to you is what he said to the sister. He isn’t taking sides but he has chosen to mess his peaceful marriage up forgetting He is your protector and head of his home to defend and protect.
Choose your words and don’t appear in support of her act yet not condemning her.
I will suggest you also let your hubby know that compelling you to serve who should help you isn’t fair. Least she can do is not bother you if she can’t help you and rest your case.
Moving forward be prayerful and resist the devil.
Cheers!
Your husband is a weak man that cannot stand his ground. Your sister in law scatter your marriage if your husband is not careful.
What kind of in law is that? Its your husbands fault.
Tell your family members too, your sister in law is an irresponsible woman. She should be kicked out.
I wish you well.