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True Life Story: How Do I Stop Lusting After My Friend With Benefits?


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True Life Story: How Do I Stop Lusting After My Friend With Benefits?

Hello Guys,

I need your quick advise. Please don’t judge cos I already feel like a terrible person. I recently got involved in what is called friends with benefits. This is what happened: so, my boyfriend and I have been having issues for a while now. This is because, the relationship has been going on for three years, and I feel this guy is just wasting my time, coasting me…I have been giving him subtle hints: we are not getting any younger…I will be 28 in September, he is 31. For some, it may not be too old but we have been dating since I was 25. That is a long time. I am someone who always wanted to get married early cos I wanted to have all my children before I am 30.

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Well, things didn’t go as planned but for a guy to not show commitment after almost three years, it was really worrisome. I became worried and insecure. I began to suspect there was some else. Yes, I was that b*tch…I wanted to check his phone…to see who was calling him….I wanted to know where he was…I became very annoying. It was not my fault. I swear…I love my boyfriend but he’s not saying anything about marriage is driving me crazy.

So a about a month ago, we had a fight….It Started like this…I called him and he did not pick up. I texted…no response…I flipped and stormed his place…he was not at home so I used my key and waited for him at home. This dude came in around 10.45pm. I lost my cool and went crazy on him….he could not take it anymore…he said I was suffocating him in the relationship. He said he is not sure he wants to marry someone irrational like me. Those words hurt. I also said some hurtful words to him.

Long story short, he said we should take a break….I told him to go to hell…I hailed an uber and left his place very angry…around almost 11.30pm. As soon as I got into the uber…I burst into tears. The uber guy was alarmed….he kept asking me what happened…did someone die…am I sick….did an accident happen…I just kept crying…telling him nothing happened. The guy just kept telling me sorry. I just kept nodding and sniffing.

After a few minutes, the uber man asked me if I am having issues with my boyfriend…I just nodded….he was like… he would like me to stop crying cos no man deserves my crying. He then said…he could take me for a drink…just to have a good time, to forget my boyfriend…I told him no…but he said, what if I give you a good time…no strings attached…I was looking at him…wondering what he meant….he smiled and said…girl, you need a good fck….so you can forget that ngga….

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I was like….ok but I do not know you…what if you are a bad guy…he smiled…I am just a realist…I like to have fun…he said he is in a relationship but he likes to have fun…let me not bore you any more…we f*cked….yes, me and the Uber guy. He dropped me off and we met several times after that day. He made it clear that we were just having fun…no strings attached. I admit…I was having fun too…it helped me take my mind off my guy cos my boyfriend was calling two days after….I did not pick up.

My uber guy was like…I should allow him miss me first before I respond. It seemed like a good plan. So, I ignored my guy until he showed up at my place three weeks later. On his knees …with a ring, to propose to me. Yes, I cried and Yes I said yes but now, I am terrified that I behaved like a slut during the time we broke up temporarily. I asked the Uber dude to forget about us…he wished me a happy life. But I am engaged now with so much guilt on my mind.

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Do you think I should tell my boyfriend or keep quiet….my Uber guy said, I should keep mute cos I don’t know what my boyfriend was doing too while we were broken up. That made sense but I still feel a bit sorry…and especially because I can’t get my mind off the Uber dude…I swear, I still crave to have that secret and dangerous times with him….I need an accountability partner else I may fall back to the uber guy.

I don’t have any real friends…my boyfriend is my best friend…how do I get over the Uber guy…I don’t have any real feelings for Uber guy…its just lust and desire…funny thing is, I later found out this uber guy is married….I seen his cute family pictures on Facebook. Some men sha….I have tried to channel that desire to my boyfriend but like they say, if you try someone else…you may never go back to the one you know. I feel terrible for saying these things ….will I forget this Uber guy with time? Or will he continue haunt me?

How do I stop feeling guilty to my babe and how do I forget the Uber guy? Please advise.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This story is still much emphasis to what I had been saying there is nothing like one time knacking ,whatever u would not eat don’t bite u ,u might just think it is a one night stand but really it would tarry for years and u might not get over it

    This is why when u are having issues with Ur boyfriend or Ur husband ,stop seeking help from men if u can ,some of them are just pure opportunist ,he understands that a woman is horny when she is angry ,sad ,seeing her period ,and tipsy

    He saw that opportunity and he capitalise on it ,much more an Uber ,Uber that has become a side olosho work for some men and women

    U were vulnerable it was not Ur fault ,but now u are entangled ,and if u are Not careful u would still fall back to him one time or the other

    U have eaten the forbidden fruit ,but it is hard for u to leave it

    But come to think of it ,I doubt if Ur boyfriend was not having someone while u were all over him .

    U see I say this from the little I know about men ,if u want to marry a man and u are certain u love him ,be regimented in Ur love on him

    U can’t give a man food ,love ,sex and everything like someone who has married u ,and he hasn’t yet married u

    Some women are the one who ridiculed themselves to these men ,but yet maybe am archaic in my approach to life

    But once a man don chop all segments of Ur life ,the lesser the chances he might want to stay with u or even married u ,he got everything without brideprice so why should he then pay brideprice now ?

    If u like accept if u like disapprove I have said it .

    Okay let’s run down some solutions

    U need accountability and get a friend not Ur man now ,and tell that friend what happened ,infact if possible Ur mother she is Ur best confidant , because even a friend u can’t trust her ,who knows what would happen, I wouldn’t advice u tell Ur man the thing ,except the opportunistic Uber man tries to still get to u one time or the other

    Some men don’t just know when to quit ,they might want to try their luck

    And take it or leave u are already vulnerable to him ,and the sadness u had plus the sexual experience has implanted some thing in Ur brain ,that the next moment u would be sad ,the Uber man would come to mind

    It is just memory that has recorded a pattern of event

    Get someone to talk to about it ,but if u feel Ur man loves u and can endure it then u can tell him , because by now u should have known what Ur man can take or not

    For me u can’t even tell me that and expect me to forgive u ,but men are different sha

    So talk to a confidant about it ,this confidant would give u advice on how to deal with it ,when U feel the urge quickly talk to that person ,but make sure that person is not a man

    If this man tries too much to get to u ,then u would need to tell Ur boyfriend no choice about it

    And yes u can be free from it ,it’s in Ur head ,just sit someone down and tell them how much u desire the Uber man ,say all Ur emotions out to him ,and let her tell u help u

    Sin loves to be hidden ,when it has been exposed it has lost is power over the person .

    Find a confidant and tell them the whole story ,when u feel the urge again continue telling them don’t stop they would encourage u

  2. Uber and Bolt drivers,I hail una specially oooo,the Lord is una muscle.

    Dear poster,you really need to work on your temperament,you need to mind and watch your choice of words and be calm.

    Don’t suffocate your boyfriend, he’s just 31,allow him to breathe. Have you really thought about marriage? Have you tried attending a marriage seminar together? Na so marriage go dey shack una, it’s not for the weak especially with this attitude of yours,just small break wey your boyfriend ask of,you don begin knack married Uber driver,hope you won’t behave like this in marriage? Atleast he has proposed to assure you that he’s still interested but I hope the ring is not for formality in order to make you stay in the relationship?

    Erase the thought of the Uber driver and close your kpekus,be a virtuous woman and work on your anger issues.


  3. My understanding of this story is this EXPECTATION
    this bring you to a place of desperation…….you expect your guy to do the needful becos u already enjoying sex without nuptial vows and this expectation mindset and married uber took advantage of the situation and he enjoyed your weakness again….so this is my encouragement please go and work on yourself, while waiting for quick advice let me present a scenario you tell the truth or not…tell the truth and expect the worst and keep mute and genuinely work on yourself because due to expectations mentality what if your guy cannot perform in the bedroom then u cry to the available john bull around to sleep around….thats a low point for you ….so i pose to you speak out and expect thw worst or keep mute and work on yourself

  4. I think this lady is not ready for marriage, it’s obvious she’s not stable emotionally and I think the lady and the guy needs to discuss expectations and plans

    Cos even in marriage, there’s that time of lowness that both parties seems tired of each other. Does that mean she would be running out to sleep around in marriage.

    Singleness before marriage is very important.


    A state of being good, fulfilled, happy, satisfied, established, beautiful, honoured, forgiven, whole without the influence of anyone, so that when you are married whatever your partner brings is just an addition.

    But this generation wants to project their personality/expectation on their partners

  5. If you decide to tell your boyfriend what happened, he will likely be upset, hurt, or angry; these can all be normal reactions to betrayal. If you want the relationship to continue, it may help to offer a sincere apology and let him know that you felt he deserved to know. Initially, he may be inconsolable, but he may eventually realize that you decided to be honest to try to save the relationship.

    Depending on the situation and your relationship, there’s a chance your partner will forgive you for cheating. He may be understanding of your predicament, especially if he has experienced similar feelings in the past.

    A trained counselor may be able to help you assess what you feel about the relationship and decide whether to tell your boyfriend that you cheated. Also, if you choose to tell him, they may have some ideas to help you prepare for the conversation.

  6. A lady seeking a true and married relationship will keep to one, but a cheater will always look for justification to cheat.. If you have two gf or two bf you are nothing but a confirmed cheater.. Incase you don’t know, you have the capacity to cheat so stop giving excuse for cheating, you nothing different from hookup gang change before it is too late fancy only the one you’re betrothed to

  7. Dear writer,

    You do not control people actions when they are going through a situation they may not wish to share.

    Deciding on getting married is a serious decision and every responsible person will think deep and through before going ahead on that journey.

    If your boyfriend acted in a certain way and you are truly ready for marriage, you should have be a safe place, even given him space but still nice around to support him.

    Pressuring him tells you were desperate and you feel left alone hence need to accept a stranger for a temporary comfort.

    You must apply discipline and caution your mind to think better and accept what is available to you from the person you love and loves you. The driver is married and a no no for you. Even if. He is single, you should learn to focus and push your desire to only your boyfriend. So, if you fight over an issue tomorrow in the marriage, will you seek for comfort outside him again? If he is weak or have a challenge and won’t perform tomorrow, will you still love and remain with him? Are you quick to seek for help from strangers when you claim not to have a friend?

    Be sure that you didn’t pressure your boyfriend to put the ring on you, otherwise you may regret the marriage.

    You need to see a counsellor and know how to help yourself to overcome this issue but I’m sure that if you will see your boyfriend perfect and all you need and also disciplined to be content, then you will overcome the urge for the driver.

    Tell yourself you acted badly and shouldn’t continue. Embrace God and have restrain to do only what pleases God. Since you need a friend, Jesus is the best friend to have and even in issue around your relationship and marriage, He will guide and help you throug them.

    To tell the guy about this is needful but it could be used against you cos I don’t know his person, but you do. I will rather suggest you work on yourself and never contact the driver , delete his contact and keep off from such act with any other man and be faithful. If your counselor advice you tellz then tell and face the outcome with joy.

    All the best.

  8. You are not emotionally stable and mature. I was just smiling while reading your post. You all know sex is ONLY for marriage but you all will do all you can to justify the evil.

    To be honest, you are an irresponsible woman, you need to seriously work on yourself, the uber guy is a fool too, he is married man, and yet acting foolish. If you knew how grievous the sin of fornicating is not to talk of doing same with another woman’s husband, you will seel GOD’s mercy as much as you can.

    The fact that you are even still thinking of the man, shows you are not ready to be serious at all. Yes, tell your boyfriend and those telling you, your boyfriend too must have been seeing other women are only massaging your ego, to make you feel good about wickedness you have done, I’m sure they are all women, as women will have every reason to justify their evils.

    I ask you, if your boyfriend did same, we all know what you expect him to do, you too, go do the same thing.

    Hold women accountable.

    I wish you well sister.


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