True Life Story: How Do You Love Someone Who Does Not Believe In Love?
Hi Lively Stones,
Two years ago, I met someone on a hookup date. I mean, she is hot and fire. From the moment I saw her in the club, she was giving me vibes that she was ready to get down and dirty with me. We barely made it to the car, we b*nged and ended up in the hotel and continued for almost 4am that night.
We became friends with benefits. I liked her personality alot cos she makes me laugh alot. She does not take life too seriously. I had a fiancée then but we were having issues, my fiancée was stressing me out and I was developing cold feet. We decided to give other some space and that is when I met Ms. Fire cracker as I call her.
About two months later, I broke up with my fiancee…me and Ms. Firecracker now went full on. Although she was fun, she made me know right from day one, that she was not looking for marriage cos she was married before and she had a really bad experience, so she does not want to marry anymore.
Strange thing for a girl to say right? She is half Nigerian, half American. Relocated to Nigeria about six years ago. She is about her career (a radio presenter) and does not want anything that will hold her down. Since I met her, I have been nothing but very happy. It radiates to the extent that my elder sister insisted on meeting her. She met with my elder sister and they clicked very fast.
My sister quickly made sure my girl met my mom. And my mom became head over heels with my girl. So, what may be the problem you may ask? Anytime, anyone brought up the issue of marriage, my girl just freaks out. She went through serious trauma in the hands of the n*gga that she married. She does not even want to talk about it.
Few months ago, our family pastor called me to say that God gave him a revelation that Ms. Firecracker is my wife but she would give me pain. That I should not allow the distractions make me loose my destiny. I told him about my girl was saying and he asked me to give him her number.
After the pastor called her, she got really upset. She broke up with me and told me to forget about her. I told her I love her and she said…I can never love you…there is no love in me to give you…any love I have is over…I do not believe in love anymore. I like you and that is enough.
Those words really broke me. She blocked me on communication platform. I thought her feelings would prove she could love me, so I gave her some time to calm down. When she didn’t call me ..I went to her place and she opened the door, telling me she had a guest inside her house so she couldn’t let me in. That means, a man was inside.
I cried in my car before driving off. I kept asking God, who broke this woman so much that she now does not want anything to do with love? I told my family and they all said that since the woman is not willing, there is nothing we can do. I tried to move on, but its been hard…very hard. On her birthday, I sent her flowers. She sent a text to say thank you…you are a good human.
Taking her response as encouragement, I went to see her at work few weeks ago, she was happy to see me but she said she and I can never be together if what I want is marriage or love. I had a really great time with her that day. She unblocked me again. We began to talk again and before you know it, we started being intimate again.
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One early morning, I woke up and saw her looking at me…she was staring at me with such deep hurt eyes…I asked her why she was looking at me so much…she said because she fears she might bring too much pain for me. We talked that morning until 2pm in the afternoon without even realizing that we had not eaten.
What I found out that was that Ms. Firecracker was abused by her husband continuously. When she got pregnant, he beat her until she bleed for days without taking her to the hospital. When she got herself two days later, her baby died. The damage from the beating destroyed her womb too.
The nigga is in jail right now in America but she was in a psychiatric care for seven months because her self awareness was badly battered. She went back to school, got her double masters and since then, never allowed herself to fall in love again. Now, knowing her story, I understand her pain. Ms. Firecracker told me that she has not fully healed and not ready to be healed for now because as long as the man is alive, she feels she cannot move on with her life and be happy.
Those were words he told her. That she would never find happiness without him. She suffers depression from time to time. She said she sometimes still feels suicidal hence she throws herself into work so as not to be unoccupied. My girl is hurt really bad. I told her I was going to wait for her until she is ready…she told me not to wait and never to come looking for her. She took her things and left me that day.
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This time, she quit her job and left town. I have no idea where she went to. I been calling her brother who is the only family she told me about but he is not responding. I feel hurt and empty. I do not know why God brought this lady into my life…is it because of what the pastor said? even if that were true…how on earth do I break the wall that she has built around her?
Ms. Firecracker has even disappeared right now. I have never been to America…am I supposed to do visa and go and look for someone who does not even want me? I been trying to figure out what my next steps should be…should I hold on…and hope for the best…maybe she would show up somehow in my future or should I go on a wild goose chase to find her?
Anonymous
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If after two years she still does not have any love to give you then free the girl and face front. Remember u said she relocated 6 years ago ,inorder words this incidence happened at least for more than 6 years ago and she has not yet recover and will not recover as long as the guy is still alive (that’s what she said) then the girl might just be still in love with this guy and not willing to give room for others to love her.for me it’s not all relationship that should lead to marriage and as she doesn’t want to love u the way u want then it’s high time u let her be and focus on looking for someone who will love u the way u want to be loved.
Marriage is not by force, if didn’t accept u while in Nigeria what is the probability that she will change her mind when u get to America.
This is my little analysis to ur story but the decision to travel to America to meet her is solely urs.
I pray God give u wisdom.
Please move, move on for good biko. Road no dey there,that she makes you laugh,she is fun to be with and a fire cracker is not enough quality needed in marriage biko,there is more to it. Don’t force it,stop seeing her,get busy. She already told you her ordeal with her ex. Leave her alone and let her be. God bless you and help you find another but for this one,no go area.
Dear poster, she is really broken and in a place of no return, it will only take the grace of God and herself to find herself……if you keep going after her, you will only end up hurting yourself more, I understand it’s very hard for you right now, just allow time do it’s work…..if it is meant to be it will be that’s by any chance if she finds herself and can recall good memories of you both….peace bro….
It’s hard but you have to let go…you’re crossing the thin line between love and obsession, placing your self and mental health in harm’s way.
Some people are not meant to stay in our lives,we are meant to have our moment together and part ways.
You are loving the wrong person at an equally wrong time.
And because she’s not making efforts to get better mentally means you should not bother.
She’s far too gone to be saved by humans.
And you’ll only ruin your own chances at happiness if you pursue her.
And when you finally move past her(soon I hope) I hope she doesn’t come back..I hope you never meet again because I fear old flames rekindling and ruining your new relationship and breaking yours and your new woman’s heart again.
These type of people will only spread their toxicity to everything and everyone they come in contact with.(til u regret meeting them)
Try your best to rid yourself of her memories!
You can’t save her! You’re not Jesus Christ!!!.