True Life Story: My Fiancé Is Using His Addiction As An Excuse To Cheat On Me
Dear Lively Stones,
I believe Lively Stones is a faith based group, that is why I am seeking your spiritual counsel and guidance on this matter. I am ashamed of telling anyone else in my church or family for the fear of being misunderstood or judged or even stigmatized. I grew up in a very strict religious environment. I never dated or had a boyfriend throughout my life until when I was in University, I fell in love with a guy, he was my friend at first but we got closer and he started telling me how he can’t help that he is in love with me.
It was during valentine, all the hype and I was feeling the butterflies…he had gotten us a room in a nice hotel, there was no way I could resist him…we made love and I lost my virginity that day. After that day, this guy changed towards me and I could not believe my ears. I later found out he placed a bet with his friends that he would disvirgin me. He told them everything about me. How he made me bleed and I was screaming when he broke me. I was embarrassed and felt everyone was talking about me for months.
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That horrible decision made me swear never to date anyone until I was ready to get married. By the grace of God, I remained celibate for several years even after I graduated from school and have been working for a while. I have dated a few guys after but all of them always broke up with me once I say, no s£x, they get uninterested. I have been praying to God to send me my own man, one who would not be so crazy about s£x.
God answered my prayers last year, I met David (not real name). He is a great guy and believes also in no s£x before marriage. We have been going strong and having a good time. We complete each other, we motivate each other and I am so much in love with him. We plan to get married in January of next year because both of us need to be financially stable. We are also saving towards our wedding. Then a few months ago, we both made a mistake.
We were watching a movie on Netflix, the movie had alot of adult scenes, the next thing we started kissing and ended up having s£x. We both felt so bad about it and made a promise not to do it again. But the problem was now me, I became horny anytime I was with David, I clung to him and made him have s£x with me all the time. David was confused. After a while, he started acting up. He started avoiding me. He said he cannot continue to have s£x with me, that I am not the same girl he used to know.
David thinks that I am pretending, that I am not serious Christian for always wanting s£x. He said this because I told him that since we already had s£x once and God knows we are going to get married, then its not such a big deal anymore. David disagreed with me and I was surprised but I thought he was being an honorable man, so I decided to work on myself. Anytime I feel horny, I masturbate instead. Despite this, David still kept acting funny.
I realized our relationship was never really the same again after the s£x. There seemed to be a distance between us. The love was getting smaller. I was afraid of loosing David so I told him we need to talk. We met and I poured out my heart to him, I asked him why are we falling apart, he then said, I am the cause of everything: that he was a struggling s£x addict before he gave his life to Christ. That when we had s£x, he went back to his old addictions and he has not been able to stop.
David said that he has been sleeping with two girls since we had s£x. That he was happy I was the type of girl who was helping him stay celibate and since we both sinned…he has fallen back and he does not know how to face me. That he feels terrible every time he sleeps with other girls but he can’t stop himself. So, I told him, is it not better we both have s£x with each other than for him to sleep with other girls? He said he wants me to remain pure for our marriage so he does not want s£x with me anymore. That is why he has been acting weird around me.
David says we should not have s£x again so our marriage can be pure but he is sleeping with other girls…am I missing something? If he is really an addict…why can’t he practice his addiction with me…why with other girls? He said because he made a promise to God that he will not sleep with the woman he will marry until after marriage…but we have slept together already….I don’t know but won’t God forgive us for that already? Or is it not better to do it with someone you will marry than someone else…isnt that same as cheating?
David said he is trying to change but he is very weak. He was really crying when he was telling me all these so I know he is genuine. I messed up our perfect relationship with s£x but why must he punish me by f#cking other girls so I can remain pure for marriage? That purity boat has sailed….David says maybe we should take a break until the wedding is close….that he wants both of us to stay off s£x until our wedding night…I don’t buy that. Is David trying to break up with me by accusing me of sending him back to his s£x addiction. None of these make sense. I am afraid of loosing David.
David said we should look at this period, from now to January for the wedding as a fasting period. Like seriously…I think David is being crappy…God will forgive s£x with your fiancé the same way he will forgive s£x with strangers. I am confused and I need some clarity on this. He is blaming me for him falling back to his s£x addiction….but is f#cking other women the solution? I am running crazy here…what is going on…what is David up to…we still talk but this s£x matter has ruined everything.
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My fiancé says he still wants to marry me but I feel weird…there seems to be a feeling of us growing more and more distant. I don’t want to loose David….I really don’t please…someone explain to me: if my fiancé really has s£x addiction….is s£x with me a bigger offense than s£x with strangers? What is this all about…should I just end this whole relationship? It looks like David is no different from other men…and if God knew s£x before marriage was bad ..why did he give us the urges and desires before marriage? I am tired of this….please advise me.
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