True Life Story: Should I Expose Or Cover My Fiancé Weakness-Pls Advise?
Hi Lively Stones,
I need your advise. I feel so ashamed to tell anyone else what happened in my relationship but I see Lively Stones as a Christian platform that will not judge me, but my conscience has been pricking me for two weeks now. So, I am a born again Christian, I am 26 years old. I graduated last year and I work in a bank. Nine months ago, I met Tega, my fiancé. Tega and I attend the same church, he is one of the Instrumentalist in our church. A very dashing young man, he also works in a private ICT company.
Not long after I joined the church, Tega and I became friends. He is a very nice guy, very focused Christian youth, ,charismatic leader. He used to give inspirational talks to the youth in church; he is the kind of young successful guy every parent wish their young people look up to. So, it was surprising when just a month after being friends with Tega, he called me one day and said, God told him that I am his wife. That he wants to get married to me in six months.
I was shocked cos, I was 25 years old, I knew I wanted to get married but not in six months…at least in one or two years time. I told him lets start as friends first but he was like, he does not believe in friends or dating as a Christian, that its either I become his Fiancé or not…he said he did not want any temptation, so he told me to think about it and get back to him. I said ok. Then one of our pastors called me one day and asked me to see him. So I went to see him after service.
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I waited in his secretary’s office for a while before he ushered me in. The pastor asked me if I know that God has a plan for my future, I was like, what do you mean sir, he said, Tega came to meet him to tell him that God revealed to him that I am his wife, so he took his time to pray and seek God’s face and it was revealed to him that I am Tega’s wife and that I should not delay in marrying Tega otherwise, I might miss my destiny. The pastor warned that I should not take too much time in making up my mind, that if I did, it would be disastrous.
When he finished talking, I told him that I have received the revelation but that I feel like we are rushing, I wanted Tega and I to be friends, be dating for like a year before marriage…however, I am willing to heed the spiritual warning. That is how Tega and I got engaged immediately. My parents were ok with it. His parents too. Everyone knew Tega as a man who prays and we all believed he must be doing as God directed him.
Tega was one who also preached purity before marriage…so s3x was out of the question for us. We both were not allowed to visit each other without the company of a third person before marriage. We were seriously planning towards our marriage. I felt so blessed to have such a guy like Tega, one that will help me and encourage me to be a very good Christian. We have planned dates for all the wedding activities. Everything is going well, our introduction is in August while court and white wedding is in September.
Everyone is aware that we are engaged and getting married. I have even started buying some things into Tega’s house in preparation of starting a home with him. Two weeks ago, I went to Tega’s place, to supervise the kitchen renovation that was going on for me to move in after our wedding. I spent the whole day with the workers. Then it started raining heavily. While the workers entered the rain despite it was heavy, I could not enter the rain so I decided to wait for the rain to reduce a little.
Unfortunately, that rain was a storm. Tega was like, I have to wait cos it would be dangerous for me to go in such a storm. So, we stayed and gisted. Then surprisingly, Tega grabbed me from behind and started kissing me. I was shocked but he was whispering how he can wait till I am officially his wife,…that he has been fighting the urge to make love to me. I laughed and told him the wait will soon be over. I tried to remove his hands but Tega’s grip was getting stronger.
Tega kissed me…he was like, ok…lets just kiss alone….that its not wrong to kiss…before now, Tega had never kissed me before, only gave me half Christian hugs. But that day, I noticed his body was hot, like it was charged…he kept going and before I knew it…his manhood was hard as rock….I was scared that we were doing the wrong thing but Tega asked me to relax…that he wont do anything…that he will just touch but he wont penetrate.
So, I relaxed a bit…Tega went on, caressing me…kissing me…and next thing, he bright out his penis and asked me to such…I was baffled but he said its ok….that its not same as real s3x….so I did as he said….I have never done this before but he kept telling me how to do it….the next thing he went down on me and began to suck me too…I had never in my life felt such pleasure….I was loosing my mind and I was now the one asking him not to stop.
Tega smiled ….he said ok baby…he laid me down and now tried to penetrate my VG….it felt so good but as he kept trying…the weight of it suddenly jolted me back to reality. I quickly asked him to stop…I kept saying stop Tega…we can’t do this. He kept pleading with me, that he cannot stop. I begged him….I pushed him…he was pressing down with all his might….then with all the strength left in me…I pushed him away and he almost fell.
When Tega looked at me…I was shocked at his eyes. They were red….he looked like he wanted to attack me…like a predator about to take on his prey. I panicked…I kept telling him: Tega its me…please stop…we promised God to stay pure before marriage….Tega was like..why then did I tempt him….that I begged him to continue and so he has to finish what he started…I tried to talk him out of it but the nest thing I saw was Tega had pinned me down again and this time, he pinned down all my hands and thighs and forced himself into me.
My impeccable fiancé raped me….he had his way as I was crying and bleeding cos this was my first time. The pain was raging…the betrayal was unbelievable. I was in shock…stunned. It was traumatic and I will never forget it. Tega released into me….rested for like 5mins while I was crying…and instead of an apology or any sweet words from Tega, what he said was; I want round two. I screamed and said over my dead body. Long story short, he did it again…he rped me again…by this time…the walls of my VG was so bruised and I felt like I was on fire.
Tega then started to calm down and hug me…saying he is sorry but he is my husband to be, that he only simply took what was rightfully his. I was so hurt and I told him I was breaking up with him. He began to apologize and said I should not think too much about it cos it was meant to be since we are revealed to be each other’s purpose spouses. The stupid rain even refused to stop falling so I was forced to go home in that rain, drenched and in pain. Tega wanted me to pass the night but I was so scared that if I did, he would r*pe me again.
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Since this thing happened, Tega only apologized once when he called, after saying I should make sure I don’t tell anyone about what happened because if I did, he would call off the wedding…he said it was a moment of weakness,…that as his future wife, I should learn how to cover my husband’s weakness. I have been so sad and sick of him,so I have been avoiding him. This guy had the audacity to report me to the pastor that I was trying to break up with him. The pastor asked me what happened but I remembered what Tega said about covering his weakness…I told the pastor nothing happened, that we just had a misunderstanding.
So, the pastor advised me, not to let any misunderstanding get in the way of me marrying the man revealed to be my husband. He asked me to fast and pray to wad off any form of distraction coming in-between me and Tega. I agreed but I am still confused. My husband to be raped me….but he said its not rpe but it was just a moment of weakness, so I should not use just one mistake to judge him. That he made an error of judgement but its not a big sin because he has fasted and asked God to give him strength to wait till the wedding before he touches me again.
Tega and I love each other….we are getting married next month…it was revealed for us to be married…but why am I feeling guilty and sad? Why do I feel like we committed sin and Tega is trying to downplay it? And why is Tega not acknowledging that it was not just BDSM but actual rpe? A few days later, Tega even said he was led to disvirgin me before our wedding day.When I asked him why he forced himself to rpe me, Tega said it was not rpe but he was only trying to show me how much he likes rough fcking and he will teach me how to enjoy it when we marry. He even said that since he had me, all he has been thinking of is the various ways he will have me on our wedding day….that this time, he will be gentle except I ask him to be rough. Is this how s3x with him will be when we get married or will he be gentle?
Please advise me…I can’t tell a soul around me what is happening…they will all be disappointed in their beloved Tega….and Tega has said it was just a one time mistake, to which as a supportive wife to be, I must cover him up so that this does not ruin his calling as a minister. I am confused, sad and angry. I need advise. What should I do? Should I forgive him cos it was just a moment of weakness? Or is this a sign of red flag in the coming marriage? The wedding is so close…what am I going to do about this…I feel like I am lost and sinking…I need your help.
Is Tega still the man for me after this? Why is Tega feeling so egositic….I may be able to forgive him if he apologizes better but he says I am over reacting. Am I really over reacting? Am I over thinking this issue? Is this truly just one mistake in the moment of weakness? Should I let it go and just focus on my wedding? Or should I report him to the pastor, maybe they will caution him…but if I report him….will Tega call off the wedding. Why am I so scared, feeling guilty, after Tega told me its no big deal and the pastor said I must never let anything get in-between me and Tega cos our union is destined and so we must protect it at all cost, even if it means cover Tega’s so called moment of weakness. Please help me.
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