True Life Story: The Secrets And The Men In My Life Are Weighing Me Down
Hello Lively Stones,
It seems I am living with two heavy secrets. Let me explain what I mean. My partner and I have been in a relationship for over four years. He is a divorcee with adult children. I was 45 and he was 56 when we met. I had never been married unfortunately but I am good. I have accepted my fate. Not everyone will marry I guess. At my age, I did not even think any man would want me. I am successful and doing well for myself and my family.
So when Ben and I met, he was not looking for marriage again because he had failed twice after being married and divorced twice. That was ok for me. We both just wanted to enjoy each other’s company. We were not kids anymore right. So, its been a blissful almost four years for us. Until towards the end of last year when Ben fell ill. He had high BP and suffered a cardiac arrest. We thought he was not going to make it but he did miraculously.
After that scary near death experience, Ben had to take a lifestyle change. From what he ate, to the activities he partook in….unfortunately, including s3x. That hit our relationship very hard cos we had an active s3x life. Ben wanted me to move on but he was my friend and I told him I would not abandon him just because he of his ill health. Ben was grateful but it affected him so much.
Ben began to suspect my moves. He was afraid I would cheat on him cos he could not perform anymore. I tried to reassure him more and more but he became really paranoid. He became quarrelsome. Then he made a proposition to me: he said I can have someone to f*ck me anytime I wanted but he wants to watch the man f*ck me. I thought it was crazy but same time, that sounded so hot and tempting.
So, I asked him which man will agree to that. To my surprise, he said let’s ask his head of security: Emeka. I don’t know how he convinced Emeka but Emeka agreed. Emeka is a totally handsome snack. No woman would not want to be f8cked by him. So, we had this scandalous s3x relationship with Emeka. He would f*ck me so hard that Ben would feel his temperature rise just by watching us.
Ben made Emeka sign a non disclosure agreement. If he revealed our arrangement, he would have defaulted and made to pay a N500M fine. Plus, he was getting a N100k additional allowance for this extra job how was doing. Also part of the NDA is that I must wear a form of protection when we are having s3x. I am currently using an IUD which I can easily remove or put back anytime.
Well, life is full of surprises, I was supposed to be on contraceptives cos of my s3x life with Emeka but I found out I was pregnant in March and its of course for Emeka. I was wearing my IUD, so I can not explain what happened. But Ben and I have not had penetrative s3x since after he was sick last year.
My partner Ben was mad. He felt I got pregnant on purpose … when I told him I was on the pills, he asked me to abort the pregnancy. I told him that was being selfish because at 45, if God gives me a child, it would be selfish and wicked to reject it. I am unmarried to Ben ….I may never get married. So, why can’t I keep this child which I feel is a blessing for my old age coming.
One day, Ben may be dead and I will be alone. This child will not be aborted. Ben then asked for a breakup which I was ready for because I would not choose him over this child. We broke up briefly but he came back apologizing and told me that I must act like the child is his. That Emeka must not be told about the child. I felt weird but I love Ben and wanted to make him happy so I agreed. We told everyone that I was pregnant.
Our friends and family were very happy for us. Emeka asked me if I was sure the child is not his but I assured him its not his cos I was on IUD. That I use the protection when we have s3x but I take it out when am f*cking Ben. Emeka seemed scared but relieved to hear he is not the father. So, I lied. But Ben’s eldest daughter was not fooled. She called me and told me she knows the pregnancy is not for her dad and she will expose me if I do not leave her father.
I told her it was her father’s idea to claim a pregnancy that is not his. This made her confront her dad. Both of them had a serious argument and Ben was mad at me for telling the daughter. It was not my fault…the woman suspected and she was going to expose me. I had no choice. Ben told the daughter that the baby is his, cos we had IVF although with another man’s sperm. Well, that seemed to put her away cos she stopped bothering me.
However, everyday in my heart, I struggle with this lie. Anytime I am with Emeka, I get tempted to tell him the truth. Not because I want anything from him. Emeka is married, or so rumor says…he said his wife is in their village, but rumor has it they are not really married….shes his baby mama or so…. but I am not interested in marrying him or destroying his home but I feel my child deserves the right to know who his real father is one day.
Another thing is, Ben does not know that Emeka and I still f*ck. He asked us to end it when I got pregnant but its not that simple. Being pregnant makes me feel horny very often. I feel bad I am hiding this from Ben. I feel bad am Lying to Ben and Emeka. Lying to Ben cos I am stick f*cking Emeka and Lying to Emeka because he is about to be a father and he does not know.
If you were in my shoes, what do you think is the best thing to do right now? Ben cannot know because of his heart condition. I don’t want anything that will disturb him. But I also cannot stop living because Ben is sick right? I still have my whole life ahead of me. I feel like I am still with Ben out of pity and the good times we shared before he fell sick but does that mean I should deny myself any opportunity to be happy in future?
I really do not have any friends and no one to advise me. I do not know what to do…I live in constant fear of Ben finding out and constant fear of my lies to Emeka whom I share a very strong bond with….we have become more like lovers, although we have both not revealed our feelings for each other … I dont know if its love but I just know, the chemistry between us is very high.
What should I do please? Maybe I should just go with the flow, see what the future holds. Maybe when the time comes, after my baby is born and grown before I tell him. In the meantime, maybe I should just keep quiet and carry on the way life has treated me. I need some direction in my life. Please advise me…what would you do if you were in my shoes?
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