True Life Story: Why I Was Afraid Of Loosing My Best Friend But That Fear Opened My Eyes
Hi Lively Stones,
I am afraid of the reaction my confession will bring but I feel horrible and confused at the same time, my aim of writing this story is to get some help and advise on how to move forward with my best friend. So, some of you might think I am a bad person because I just cheated on my fiancé but please try to hear my story first and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. Dozie (not real name) is my best friend. We met in 300 level mechanical engineering. We were always in the same class from year one but I never noticed him until I had problems with one of my courses and it was going to be that course that would make me spend an extra year in school.
Dozie was the class rep. I went to meet him cos I was told, he was good at helping people talk to the lecturers, maybe to sort them so they can avoid harassing female student for marks. Meeting Dozie changed my life. He was a good guy, he promised to help me sort the lecturer which he actually did. Then from that semester till I graduated, Dozie was my study partner and we sat close to each other during exams so he could help me. The friendship just grew like that.
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I had a boyfriend who did not mind Dozie being my bestie even if he was a guy. Besides, Dozie was a nerd…always reading…he did not seem to be interested in social life or girlfriends. And I liked him somehow but I had a boyfriend. And that was how I friend zoned Dozie for many years. One day though, one evening in my room, we were studying for a test…and Dozie kissed me…but quickly apologized…we never spoke about that kiss even till we left school. After school, we parted for a year to youth service but we spoke everyday. And then Dozie told me he started noticing girls wanted to sleep with him…I felt jealous but happy for him. Girls love nerds…they are so intelligent and sexy.
And then, I met my fiance….Dennis during after youth service. We dated for a year and his visa to travel came out, so we had to do our marriage introduction before he travelled. It’s been a year since he travelled and he is planning to come back in December for our white wedding. A few months ago, Dozie came to see me after a long time of us not seeing. We hung out the entire day. Before he left, he said there is a girl he is dating and things are serious. I was like, awwn…I must see this girl to approve…he said yes of course.
So last month, Dozie brought this girl to me, we all hung out …went to movies and had dinner later. After that, Dozie asked me what I think of the girl….I gave my honest opinion cos the girl seemed ok…not too fine but she works and looks like a good girl. I told him the girl is ok cos I thought Dozie liked the girl. So, he told me he wanted to plan a surprise proposal for her and he wants me to help him plan it. I excitedly agreed and planned a very romantic proposal which happened two weeks ago.
The proposal made me realize how romantic Dozie is…I mean, I never saw this side of him. I felt really jealous of the girl he proposed to but then, Dozie is like my brother right. But after the proposal, this girl started giving me attitude. First, she refused to hang out with me and she told Dozie to stop hanging out with me because she is not comfortable with the idea of being best friends with opposite gender. That ticked something off for me…I saw she was trying to take away my best friend from me.
I was not cool with that so Dozie suggested me and his girl go out for a date and talk things out like adults because he cannot live without both of us in his life. The date was set up and from the time the girl came, she came ready and prepared to fight. She went straight and said…she noticed Dozie has a crush on me, and that I flirt around Dozie without knowing it. I was shocked and told her she was wrong that Dozie is like a brother and that we have been through alot together.
Well, the date did not exactly go well cos the girl just got up and said, if you like yourself, stay away from my fiancé…cos if you try anything…I will end you. I was so shocked and angry. Like who does she think she is…she just came into his ife but I I have been Dozie’s right hand person for more than five years. So I called Dozie in anger and started blasting the girl and told Dozie that she is a mistake for him.
Dozie agreed that we meet up over the weekend to discuss further. Dozie was at my place on Friday and for the first time, we had a heart to heart talk…Dozie said the girl is right…he has a crush on me but I never gave him a chance, and it hurt him that I friend zoned him. He said he was afraid I would reject him. I swear, Dozie’s confession made me speechless…we talked and talked…and one thing led to another…we slept together and had s3x that night.
The funny is…we told each other that we should not have had s3x because we are both engaged to other people but we spent the entire day in each other’s hands. I realize I am have feelings for my best friend…he too is in love with me and is ready to break off the engagement with his fiancée to be with me. So, here is my confusion: do I love Dozie that much to want to end my engagement and end his engagement or am I being jealous and afraid of loosing my friend if he marries someone else?
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My head is really confused. One thing I know though….I do not want to loose Dozie…that girl cannot tell me to get the f*ck off cos…he is my buddy and he has been the only one who totally gets me and will drop anything he is doing to come get me if I need him. So, yes, s3x clouds judgement…but now…I need to ask myself…is this really love…do I want to be Dozie’s wife or best friend….if he does not marry me…whoever he marries must not come in-between us. Dozie said he is ready to fight for our love if I stop friend zoning me.
As I woke up this morning, I realized I have to make a decision….but I need some advise. Am I making a mistake to sleep with Dozie? I was so scared of loosing him…I realize that I was actually flirting around him cos he said whenever I am around him…..he can’t control himself…all those friendly hugs I gave him…he said he was dying inside him…and making love with him this weekend was his dream come through.
I admit…this weekend was fire…it was magical…but is my mind ready to remove Dozie as friend to lover? Or was it because I have not had s3x in almost a year and I was afraid of loosing my best friend to a selfish girl who wants to take him away from me. I need your advice…my wedding is supposed to be in less than 4 months. Was this God’s way of telling me that the wedding is not going to happen or am I making a mistake….how do I even marry Dennis knowing I slept with someone else….not once….and I loved making love to this guy cos he is my best friend.
How do I explain myself…and what should I do about this complicated situation. Is this the hand of God, maybe opening my eyes to see how I almost lost Dozie…is he like the one I am supposed to be with…he’s been here all this time but I did not notice his feelings until I am about to loose him….huh…God…I am so confused. Kindly share your advice, I will be in the comments section. Thank you.
Anonymous
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Why don’t you sincerely keep sex away so your judgement won’t be clouded?
At the rate you are going, you are playingby emotions and it isn’t good for your decision making at all especially on an important topic as marriage.
You have cheated already and it’s not an excuse to either continue in it or cut off your engagement with your fiance.
The issue now is getting the clarity of what you really want and who you truly love.
Keep sex away and distant the guy as well. Yes, keep Dozie off to think straight.
You are the one in this hence ask your best friend to keep his hands off your body and you should get him out of your mind.
Take up a paper and draw these two men on it and list out all the qualities each posses that would give you a happy marriage and sustainable home.
List what you fear most that could destroy the relationship or marriage which they have now or could act in the future.
Then, if you end your engagement and Dozie’s girlfriend decides to make life miserable for you, how will it go with you and your family?
If you end your engagement, even the up and coming marriage, what effect would it have on you, your family’s reputation and future since the guy didn’t do you any wrong?
Not everything that is important is needful and not all that’s needful is important. Not every good person can be your husband. Not everyone you have feelings for would you marry as your husband.
Now is the time to pray without bias. Speak to your mother, a spiritual head you can trust and pray. Don’t be quick to act because this is your future and happiness involved here.
Dozie might want you but it doesn’t justify him as your husband. Besides, God cannot use sin or a tool of.the devil as a way to proof anything to you.
Never! Never! Never!
The sex was all your decision and choice, keep God out of it.
I hope you adhere to this advice and be good.
All the best.
…
There is a reason you friendzone him for years, Forget all that I have a boyfriend, if truly u have a spark for him, u would have broken up with your BF in school and dated him. But you didn’t because *you saw him as a friend*
You don’t love Dozie, You ONLY WANTED to REVENGE on the so called GF of Dozie. The girl did you dirty, embarrassed you and you want to prove that YOU ARE BETTER than her. It’s also why you allow the sex to happen, seeking validation to prove you are Better than the Girl. While I agree the girl appear shitty, it’s exactly what you would have done in her shoes. At least for most women,
Go and prepare for your wedding and close that Chapter. You only want to prove a point with Dozie, this has nothing to do with Love.
Marry your best friend someone that will stand by you anytime any day. Someone that makes you happy.
Take time to decide what you actually want for yourself.
Remember at the end of it all it’s your happiness that matters.
Hello,
No one can tell you who to marry, you decide.
You know what is most important to you as an individual, who you prefer to live the rest of your life with, who you can respect and submit to, who you prefer to Father your children, where you find peace. You can go abroad with whomever you choose, that should not be a deciding factor.
If you want your fiancé then stop this fornication.
Would you like it if your fiancé is currently in another woman’s hands?
Dozies’ fiancée is capable of exposing you to your fiancé and destroying your chances of marrying him. She sounds like she could also try to inflict harm on you.
Bear in mind that if Dozie marries someone other than you, you have to respect their marriage, you are not the one to approve of his choice except it is coming from a good place. When He marries, whatever God puts together let no man put asunder, you’ll be fighting Gods institution otherwise and fighting God.
Also if He married someone else, You cannot be his best friend anymore, let your husband be your best friend. Let him go.
If you want Dozie then let him know you need some time to clear your head, take a break, stop the fornication, be sure. Let him find a peaceful way to break off gently from his fiancée and try to get her forgiveness before you both do the right thing.
Either way stop the s.x until you are married.
Take a break, pray, ask God for forgiveness and let him guide your decision, He sees what is best for everyone.
This is just greed on your part. Stop this narrative of he is like your brother, if he is, but you slept with him. Stop this joke abeg.
The lady is right when she accuse You, you then went ahead to sleep with him, yet you call her selfish, you are the one selfish.
Don’t bring GOD into it, this is evil and wickedness. You are fornicating and you are saying maybe it’s GOD, no, it is satan.
Your fiancee doesn’t deserve you at all. Just tell him what you did and go with your Dozie. You women can’t just be loyal, and will find every excuse to justify the evil deed.
You women keep saying men are insecure when they tell you about not having make besties, but you keep proving us right. Lol. You women can never be trusted.
Stop the greed sister and stop deceiving yourself. Also stop fornicating. Sex is for marriage.
You are in lust not love.
✌