I Am Caught Between Three Men Because I Just Have To Survive-Pls Advise
Hello ma,
Please hide my identity. I really need your help cos I am feeling so guilty. That girl’s story about how she slept with her lecturer encouraged me to write my own(click here to read that story) …maybe I can get advise on what to do… I am a four hundred level undergraduate of biochemistry in Unilag (not real name of school). My parents are Medical practitioners so they always wanted me to practice medicine. My father is a doctor, my mother is a Pharmacist.
They made me put in medicine for my jamb but after 3 attempts without luck, I had to take Biochem. They were very disappointed but then, they were still hoping, that I will somehow still do something with Biochem in the medical field. What my parents dont know is that I am still struggling even with the Biochemistry.
Also, in my second year, my boyfriend got admission to go abroad to study, so we got engaged because we love each other so much. He is also aware that I am a virgin and wants me to be that way until marriage. We see each other like once in a year when he is able to travel to come visit.
The problem now is, I started having carry overs in some of my courses in year two. And I panicked. I did not know what to do cos it was bad. I had only one more opportunity to redo these courses or I will be transferred to another course of study,maybe Zoology.
A friend of mine introduced me to our course rep, that he can help me. And when I went to meet him, he told me he can help but I have to pay 100k for each course. I told him I cannot raise 100k for each of the courses cos they are four of them. He then said then I will have to sleep with the lecturers except one….that one does not sleep with student…I must pay him.
I begged and begged the course rep that I can only manage to raise 100k for one course. He then said he will help me if I agree to be his girl. I thought about it…at least…its better than sleeping with old men…so I agreed. I had no choice so I have been sleeping with my course rep…now my boyfriend because he is helping me with my courses.
I have passed all those courses…infact…I don’t need to read for exam cos any exam I write, my boyfriend makes sure I get at least a B in that course. I know you think what I am doing is bad but I had no choice. I am doing a course just to please my parents ….I am not going to fail cos that would be terrible..my parents might disown me.
As for my fiancé…I feel very terrible about him…I have been betraying him so I thought its best to break up with him. When I told him that I want to break up with him…he asked why…I started crying and told him cos I slept with someone…thinking that will push him away. But it didn’t.
He said its ok. That he understands school pressure ….that he too faces that kind of pressure. So, he told me not to worry as long as I don’t do it again. What he does not know is…I have to keep my course mate boyfriend as long as I am in school else I will fail. So, I have to hide this from him.
Unfortunately for me, my fiancé’s friend (in school of medicine, here in Unilag) just found out that I am dating my course rep ….and he confronted me…I had to beg him not to tell my fiancé…that my relationship with my course rep is just for my survival. After much begging…he agreed…but said he has to sleep with me to keep my secret…
And that is my problem…how many people will I sleep with to graduate from this course? Every time he keeps reminding me that he knows my secret and if I don’t let him sleep with me….he will expose me to my fiancé and even my parents. My friend says I should do it after all, I will soon graduate in less than a year.
My hands are tied…what is to say that even if I sleep with the guy…that my course rep will not find out and dump me…is there any other way out of this? I already feel so terrible and I have thought of committing suicide…yes, I am not book smart…is s*x the only way I can make it in this school?…I feel so helpless…the pressure on me is too much…how do I free myself from all of these pressure from my parents, my fiancé, my course rep and my fiancé’s boyfriend?
Please advise me.
Anonymous
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Don’t you ever sleep with that your fiance’s friend,is he mad?What nonsense?He can go ahead and tell the whole world,infact tell him to go ahead and do whatever he wants to do. Stop sleeping with that your course rep,the one wey you sleep with him don do biko .Haba,what is all these sleeping upandan sef,focus and read your books,infact study and you shall pass ,thank God very soon you will graduate,you are already in 400 level. As for your fiance ,he already told you no problems and that’s the more reason you have to stop sleeping with anybody inugo.It is well with you
You lied to your boyfriend that you slept with another man but you actually have been sleeping with him severally and now you added another guy, you are really unfaithful and greedy, you know what you were doing all along, stop the excuse you made of you didn’t have any choice, you had a choice but you chose to do the wrong one. I will only advise you to tell your boyfriend the whole story and dont hide anything, tell him how you have been sleeping with two guys, and second one his friend. It’s always about S.e.x, this generation and S.e.x shaaaa. Dear Sister, FLEE FORNICATION. I love you. GOD bless you.
Also, when you graduate and get work, how will you be able to do the whole chemical and laboratory stuffs since you didn’t do your exams yourself. Dear sister, pls tell your boyfriend the truth ok.
Wahala be like Bicycle.
After sleeping with all those people. You would now graduate and find it hard to get a job. Because I doubt you would even be able to scale through tests and interviews the way you are sounding. Except connection levels. And this is Nigeria. People who have the skill set haven’t gotten job talk more of one who does not know a hoot about her course. Big regret if after all this and you don’t get a job
You may just want to graduate. But you have to stop seeing your body as an easy means to scale through. Because with that mindset. You may even do this after graduation when faced with compromising situations.
You have started what you can’t finish. After all you went to the course rep for help because you couldn’t just try your best even if that was not what you wanted to study.
You should really stop blaming your parents for the problem you have now, saying that it wasn’t what you wanted. You are an adult probably. So take responsibility and find a way forward.
Ps: you should really try to find your path because you seem loss right now. So your fiancé should not be the top of your concerns… Just stop sleeping with those people, face the responsibility and consequences of anything that wants to come out. And find your path in life
Don’t sleep with your fiancé friend, he can go to hell and do whatever he likes, infact tell your fiance the whole truth. Tell him about how studying is difficult for you and tell him about what his friend suggested to you. Be open.
Secondly you need to build your life. You may not be good academically, but you will definitely have your own intelligence.
What do you really like? What skills can you learn to help you become somebody. Yes your parents have their own plans for you but you must take responsibility for yourself. Don’t keep wasting your time and years doing what you don’t love so much so that you are not making any effort at what you love.
Now that you are in your finally year, start positioning yourself for what you really like doing( if you don’t know what you love doing, reach out to some of these respectable motivational speakers that can mentor you both psychologically and intellectually). Get a mentor.
Do all to graduate, study hard, get your degree but focus more on building your life, you don’t have to work with that degree. Don’t be afraid of rejection from your family. when you start making progress they will support you and understand the reasons for your decision.
Don’t sleep with your fiance friend for anything. My dear you can do well academically if you tell yourself that everyday. Bend down and study. Live a good life from now onwards. Wish you all the best
See this life is all about Choice
You started of wrongly by allowing your parents dictate you life and now You’re blaming them.one thing you need to know is that your parents have lived their life now is your turn to do so. You’re not the only one that has such type of parents but they just want the best for you. Alos this is another issue , parents should stop dictating their life .
My advice is that you should not sleep with his friend and stop sleeping with your course rep. See you can achieve anything as long as you set your mind for it. It’s not too late to make amends, read hard and write your final exams, tell you boyfriend the truth