True Live Story: There Is So Much Family Pressure On Me To Marry My Baby Mama
Hi Lively Stones,
Life is very hard for me, I am under alot of pressure and I need your advice. My name is James (not real name). I trained in UK as a Chef. Eventually, I returned back to naija after my study in the UK. To find a job in naija was hard. I started doing stuff on social media and getting small gigs. A few months later, I got my first job in a 4 star hotel. I was doing well and saving gradually. I got involved with one of the waitresses…I thought we were just hanging out but this girl went about telling everyone we were dating. I knew she liked me cos that is how girls are, once they see a guy that has been abroad and speaks with an accent.
Anyway, I was not really feeling her but she came and told me she was pregnant. I was flabbergasted. I was like, ok…what should we do…she said she is a princess from a royal family, that I must marry her. I told her I am not yet ready for marriage cos am still starting life. Her dad, who was a royal chief from their village called me to come and do marriage introduction and we can do the marriage whenever I am ready.
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I really didn’t know much about this girl and her family but they put so much pressure on me, I was even afraid that they will make me get sacked from work, so I agreed. I did not even go for the introduction with my people. After the introduction, this girl moved in with me. Like, I thought we were just cohabiting but she assumed we are married, always reminding me that I must work hard to come and do the proper marriage rites.
Our relationship became toxic. This babe was expecting like a love romantic relationship with me but truly in my mind, she is just a baby mama….she does not fit into what I would have loved for a wife or life partner. She is not even a university graduate. I don’t intend to marry a liability. When she had her baby, her mother came to live with us in my one room self contained. It was really hectic and chaotic. The family kept pressuring me about marriage and I was forced to tell them that I am not going to marry their daughter.
These people started frustrating me, cursing me, threatening me…I stopped going home to avoid confrontation with this lady and her family. Eventually, they got to me by speaking to my elder sister. My elder sister spoke to me to relax and see if I can see a possible future with my baby mama since a child was already involved. My baby mama started acting right..,she started being respectful and loving. Her family too started showing support. Before I knew it, she came and said she was pregnant again.
Our one bedroom was too small. The father sent us N2M to get a befitting apartment. But he said after the rent expires, I will pay the rent going forward, no one asked me if I can afford rent of N2M. Any way, life went on. I had an issue in the place am working, I decided to start my own outfit. I got a loan of N3M from microfinance and built my own small eatery. I invested everything into the business. But as I invested, returns was not even enough to meet my loan repayment. It was like I was working to pay salaries and loan.
I became frustrated. With the state of Nigerian economy, I am unable to provide for my family. Our rent is due and I have been running from pillar to post. Everyone is suggesting we find a cheaper apartment but my wife and her family refused. So, after one year of not being able to pay the rent, my wife moved in with my elder sister while I have been squatting with friends. My eatery eventually shut down. I am still paying the loan back. A few months ago, I got a call from my former colleague, that a family was looking for private chef.
The family lives in Ikoyi. A very high level business woman, single mother was the employer. Soon as we met, she liked me and told me that I would have to be a live in chef from Monday to Sunday. I only get one day off. Well, I did not mind cos….I did not even have a home at the moment. That is how I started work here. My salary is N500k every month, not bad. But the thing is…my boss wants me to f*ck her. She did not even mince words. She said its the reason she wants in live in chef. She is very busy and has no time to date anyone, she just want some like friends with benefits. I wanted to run away but she promised to pay me N1M if I agreed.
I looked at what I can do N1M. I would be able to find accommodation for my family, so I agreed. The effect of this is that, the more I am sleeping with my boss, the more I am falling for her and I can’t seem to have erection when I meet my baby mama who is still calling herself my wife. She is accusing me of cheating cos I don’t sleep with her again…she has tried to come to my work place to make trouble but security wont let her in.
My baby mama got my elder sister and other family members involved and they are saying saying I should be a man and marry this girl cos she has two children for me. My sister says its not good to raise children outside a matrimonial home, that it can bring bad luck. I know they have convinced my sister to force me into marrying her. I love my children but do I love their mom that much? Why should I leave a woman like my boss that I know can change my fortune if I give her what she wants?
My boss knows am not married legally. She is doing everything to make me comfortable if I remain her lover. She has ordered for a BMW car for me, its been shipped from US as we speak. My baby mama and her family have started again, giving me ultimatum to come and do wedding or they will take away my kids and they will deal with me. My baby mama and family have ganged up against me. I am now dodging their calls cos they always give me hassles. Am I wrong for doing that? I did not promise her marriage after all….
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My family eventually got my Uncle who is like the eldest in the family to talk to me. And the man invited me to his place. I was able to open up to him alone. And he advised me to leave my boss and focus on my family because of the children. He is an old man and I know he wants what is best for my children but what about me? Why should I marry a woman who is going to be a liability to me while I have a woman who needs nothing from me but just to make sure she is satisfied sexually?
Why all these pressure on me…I need a job….if I leave my lover….I will loose my job. When chips are down, these family members will not be there to bail one out. Without this job, how do I cope with the demands from my baby mama and her family who want the good things of life but wont lift a finger to help? How else do I explain things? I want to even japa one day all things being equal…why am I being treated as the family black sheep just because I want the better things of life…
I am in love with my boss cos she is smart and successful….she is the kind of woman that any man will need for a life partner….my baby mama is a liability….why must I marry her just because she has kids for me? I am seeking advise. Am I being selfish or is my family and baby mama the selfish ones? What do you think?
Anonymous
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Okay let me start by saying I pity ladies who adores guys with foreign accent, it’s a sign low self esteem.. I much as I want to blame you for getting this baby pregnant twice, I so much detest the fact that she was desperate to be your wife and then went ahead to use a children to lure you into marrying her.
This is a reminder that men don’t necessarily have sex with you because they love you. Many just wants pleasure…
Marriage is a mutual agreement but I wonder the kind of man you are, why didn’t you break up with your baby mama after the first child?
This lady also needs to understand, you can’t manipulate a man into marrying you.
So my personal opinion is you both need some space for yourselves while you do your things since you’re so desperate to make money. Meanwhile just set up your baby mama so much that she becomes independent.
But remember your new employer is also using you and when she’s done with you she will dump you back to the street.
Just gather fund as much as possible and relocate though you really need to be a man and a decision taker.
You seems like a boy that can be easily influenced, remember nothing last forever and the he lives of those children really matter and VERY IMPORTANT
Let me start with this it’s quite unfortunate things happens this way.
The mother of your children might love you because sex means alot to women than men,
She didn’t plan her life also have children outside wedlock if you love her enough you can tie the knot with her because it’s obvious she loves you
As regarding finance and new job my advice is for you to discuss with her that the job is for a short time save up and take a walk within the shortest period as possible
Because such women when they get tired of you definitely you will be nothing but trash, because you aren’t the first to work with her think about it neither will you be her last what happened to others who worked with her?
Definitely it isn’t a permanent job there are many unforseen and eventually circumstances that might show up in the future that you can’t predict and may not be happy about as long as you keep working with her
Sugar is sweet we know it , it attracts but can also be the root cause to many illnesses in the nearest future if ignored my brother thread carefully
I pray God grant you the wisdom to make the best and right choices in life
You were not ready for anything serious but you got down with her and the result was pregnancy and then another pregnancy making two children.
You are not smart enough to plan your life,why allow family members to push you about?Be firm on what you want and decide on what to do.
You need to stick with your boss,tell your baby mama that you’re not gonna marry her,let her go.
Make arrangements on how you can be seeing your kids from time to time,tell her family you were never ready to marry their daughter,let them leave you alone.
You need to ask your boss what she really wants from you,be wise and use your head. Save oooo,make sure you’re saving ooo,no be to drive BMW ooooo, it’s well.
Where are the Joseph’s of today? Where are the men that will not give in to fornication and adultery no matter the goodies involved?
You had sex with a lady and now their are kids, bro, you will face the consequences. You will.
Bro, I am a man, you better take my words very seriously. Your boss may be diabolical and fetish, there are women like this, they blind you with money and what it can buy, and use your glory and destiny and render you useless, don’t be a fool brother, do not.
She may be married but lied to you, which means you are committing murder by sleeping with another man’s wife. How can you lose your integrity for #1m, like how, how did we get here that we no longer have the fear of GOD in our hearts? How?
I put it to you, that, you are just being selfish and greedy, and you greed may lead to your end, sexual sins are very grievous and lead to hell, infact it takes one to the abyss faster than any other sin, worse if you are married or you doing with a married person or both.
Bro, like I said, I am a man, TRUST ME, don’t allow any woman seduce you into sex, don’t give your strength to women, women have taken many men to hell and are still and will continue to lead men into destruction and the fearsom judgment of the almighty GOD. I behest you my dear brother to go read, proverbs chapters 5 & 7, please brother read them and let them minister to you.
My dear brother, RUN FROM SEXUAL IMMORALITY.
I wish you well brother.
✌
Wow wow wow, I must say your story is very interesting , am laughing and crying for you at the same time .
Am laughing because God has blessed you with two lovely children,
Am crying because the devil wants to fuxk up your bright future and you are allowing your emotions decive u ..
Your case is a bitter sweet experience of which you must own that shit as a young man that you are.
My advice first accept to marry your baby mama on a tricky condition of marrying two women (your boss) if they would both agree and watch His fight for you.
Don’t say a word after giving birth of them your condition.
It’s either they accept it or u just continue doing your job and enjoying your children.
Chances are your wife would agree which is good for you and your boss might not which is good for you too.
So to your wife you are a in an official royal marriage, while to your boss she is dating a married man. My brother leave am like that, otherwise u go explain tire no evidence .
Once you are financially bouyant enough leave her and “Love who you marry” as your medicine for promiscuous life style. Own that shit
Thank love
Prince Isaac
You should never marry your baby mama. Your life will be a dungeon if you go ahead with that marriage. Tell her family you not marry her and heaven will not fall. Is better you walk away now than later. For your own good and peace of mind. Don’t please anyone and displease yourself never
Hmmmm
How did you have two kids with a woman you don’t love? How?
What’s your plan for the children?
Nobody should force you to marry into any family… But what of the children? This kind family wey you go enter sef?
Don’t even go into falling in love with your boss… clear your eyes with hyssop…
Did your wife stop working?
She should get back to work n upgrade herself
You should refund your supposed father in law’s #2million
I’m sure your kids are young, you can’t just leave them… Let your wife know you’re not ready for marriage so she should give you time and peace to prepare for it. Where do you want her to go with two children?
She has to get something doing and you have to take responsibility for your children… Don’t even think marriage to another yet… You need to balance your life and come out of the loop… save well from your present job… you don’t need the BMW in my opinion… she should convert it to an Investment for you… you can buy your own space and rebuild your business… you’d not need stress over rent, you can buy your space…
If it’s to travel, work it out but keep meeting your children’s need and showing up for them…
I don’t know how you want to manage your supposed inlaw… If traditionally you have to marry her, you don enter be that o… Even if na paper marriage or you both learn to make it work…. Check her tradition very well and the rites and do the needful when you’re ready but you need to set boundaries… your in-laws can’t frustrate you if you don’t leave the room… it’s time to be a man with balls and fix your situation… put people where they should be, set boundaries and enforce it…
Don’t even think to marry your boss o… know your boundaries and be clear what you’re doing…
Peace