True Life Story: I Have Just Been Served The Most Humiliating Breakfast-Please Advise
Good evening Lively Stones,
I am very hurt right now, confused and pained. I have just been served the most humiliating breakfast. I need your advise because I do not know what else to do. How can someone be so wicked to a fellow human being? So, this is what happened in this very week, as people were wishing loved ones happy new month, I was getting served hot breakfast. I work in a bank. I actually worked there for my NYSC and got retained because the bank was very impressed by my performance. Actually, I have a 2.1 as well. I also worked very hard. Life was good.
In our branch, some guys wanted to date me but I refused because I did not really fancy them. I was like the new hot girl in the office, but I started developing feelings for one of my colleagues who works in another section (investment banking). We never used to talk until we went for a training and sat together. Lets call this guy Osas. Osas is a very cool guy, not like most of the guys in the bank.
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We got talking during the training and on the last day of the training he kissed me. Later on, he started ignoring me, I was surprised but he later explained that the kiss was a mistake that he is in a relationship. I was bummed, but I told myself I had to let go, he said we can just be friends. Big mistake. As friends, we chatted alot..until, the tension built up so much, he said his girlfriend noticed he was having an emotional affair and broke up with him.
When he said his girlfriend broke up with him, I gave myself to him fully. I was very much into him, I was in love. I could not function without him. And for him too, he seemed to be crazy over me. We met in his place but most times, we met in my place. All my friends know him, my mom knows him…my mom is a single mother by the way, my mom really liked him. Anyway, we were in a serious relationship but we could not let our colleagues at work know cos it was not really permitted to be in a relationship with a coworker...one person would be expected to resign.
So time went on, we have been seeing each other for nine months. Three months ago, I got pregnant and both of us were shocked. Osas convinced me that it was bad timing to have a child. He said we would get married next year, so we should terminate the pregnancy so it would not hinder our employment. I did not tell my mom but I saw reason with him and got rid of the pregnancy. After the abortion, I started noticing Osas was kinda avoiding me.
When I complained, he would say he was very overwhelmed at work. When I wanted to come over to his place, he would prefer to come to mine. Last week, I was very sick, Osas came to see me practically after work everyday….I relaxed my mind thinking all was well. So you can imagine my extreme shock when I got to work on Monday and HR announced Osas wedding, that its holding this coming Saturday!!! Not to me o…to a different girl…someone I suspected to be the girlfriend he is supposed to be broken up with.
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Is this supposed to be a prank? I quickly called Osas but his line refused to connect. I was shaking by now, I could not concentrate at work….I had to go to the fifth floor which is investment banking section to confront Osas. When I got there, he was in a meeting with some people, I walked up to him and said I want to talk to him, he looked at me and said for what? I was like…what do you mean for what? There is an email from HR to all staff that your wedding is on Saturday, is this true?
Osas said yes…its true. He said it with such cold straight eyes…I wondered what the hell was happening. I was like…how? What about me…what about us? Why did you lie to me….Osas just got up and asked me to leave cos he does not know what I am talking about. I realized some people were now looking at me like I was crazy so I had to leave. I went straight to the toilet and cried. I called my mom and told her what happened.
My mom got so mad that she told me that I should go and report Osas to management. She said if I don’t that she will come and report by herself. I told her not to worry …I stayed in toilet for a while, cleaned my eyes but the tears would not stop rolling. I don’t know how I managed to stay till close of work that day but I knew I was having such a serious headache. My colleagues noticed and asked me what is going on, I kept saying nothing.
When I got home that day, I bought sniper, videoed myself, sent it to Osas and my mom. My mom almost passed…she called my landlord who came quickly, they burst into my apartment before I could take the sniper. My life is over. How can Osas do this to me? After almost nine months of dating, telling me I was his wife to be, meeting all my friends, my mom, he knows my mom is a single mother….one who has been looking forward to the day I got married….yet he did this to me?
After making me have an abortion….this guy is the most evil devil in the world. He did not even call me after I sent the video to him cos the video may not have reached him cos I realized he had blocked me on all channels. My mom has been with me since Monday…everyone praying and encouraging me but the pain has refused to go. My mom is still insisting that we report this to the bank management, that even if that cannot stop Osas from marrying on Saturday, it will at least, make the management know what he did to a young employee.
On Wednesday, a colleague came to see me because I did not come to work on Tuesday. I had to confide in her what happened. She was shocked but she said Osas had done this before but with a Cleaner. About two years ago, a Cleaner was fired because she reported that Osas r*ped her but Osas said the girl wanted him but he rejected her, so she tried to frame him. At the time, the bank believed Osas and the Cleaner was fired by the cleaning company that brought her.
My colleague also feels I should report Osas because she suspects there may be others Osas has deceived too. But I am scared of the scandal…what if they do not believe me like they did not believe the cleaner? I would be ridiculed for life. My colleague tried to confront Osas the next day and Osas said to her that he did not promise anything, that I knew he was in a relationship, that I was the one offering myself to him and that we both had a consensual s3x relationship. That his fiancé is aware and she has forgiven him.
You see that Osas is a snake? Saying I threw myself at him? That what we had was just s3x? Friends with benefits? Now, its looking like I was the desperate one. Clearly, I am not the first to fall for Osas fine boy charm. As Saturday draws near…I am loosing hope and the desire to live…the pain is just too much. I still cannot fathom how Osas would do this to me…..all I keep remembering is all the times we had s3x and he told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him…how did I miss all the signs that he was lying? how do I ever move on with this?
My mom wants to go to the bank tomorrow to report or she says she will go to the wedding and scatter it. She said one prophet revealed Osas is my husband but that he is under jazz…my mom is very hurt…I think she is in denial…her sweet girl that was supposed to remove disgrace from her as a single mother has just been dumped in the most horrible way. Do you think Osas was jazzed? How can someone love me so much for nine months and under one day…despise me so much…he has never called since Monday.
My mom went to his place yesterday…the security did not let her in. Please I need advise….what is going on in my life…is this really jazz? Should I report to the management or should I allow my mother got the wedding? how will any of these help me? What do I do now…how do I show myself at work in the same company with such an evil man? my heart is so heavy that I feel I may not make it. The humiliation is not what anyone should wish for even their enemy.
Please pray for me…please help me….I just want to wake up from this bad dream….I must be dreaming right?
Anonymous
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I think your mum should attend the Church wedding . When the pastor or priest ask ,is there anyone here who has a reason why these two should not be joined together ,she will stand up and tell them how Osas impregnated her daughter and asked her for an abortion.
I smile reading your post, she was never forced to do abortion, her and the guy made bad choices fornicating but committing abortion is a choice of the woman, abortion itself is a very grievous sin. Her mum will only look silly if she does. We need to stop these sins of fornication and the likes.
First, until we tell ourselves the truth about fornication, how sex is only for marriage, the better for us. Your mum is wrong with all her tactics, you were not raped at all, you had consensual sex and relationship and he said he is no longer interested, your mum should tone down.
Two, your colleague that supported your mum is just being emotional about it, maybe she has personal issue with the guy, and wants to use this to get back as women can be so petty like we know, it is obvious. You need to stop this idea of calling him an evil person, remember, you did abortion, so weigh him leaving you and you doing abortion, which is evil? You guessed right, we should learn to hold ourselves accountable when wrong.
Three, I always say it, DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE, I have said it many times here, even Jzhane has disagreed several times, you can only hope in people, bible warns many times not to trust people, even your husbands, wives, friends, everyone. People will do what they want irrespective of whether you trust them or not.
Four, the most crucial part. My dear sister, you CANNOT kill yourself for this, it is not the end of the world, you will get over it, you surely will. Don’t look at your chats with him, or his picture, or his Facebook or anything that will remind you of him, if you do opposite, you will keep fueling the problem.
You need to be intentional about it, I know you are not in the proper state, but please, use every strength in you to encourage yourself. I wish people will just stop the habit of trusting people and just only hope in people.
I wish you well sister.
✌
My bestie was once in this kind of situation, 3yrs ago, we both shared an apartment then. They both also works in a bank. Her mom was also a single mom and all my friend ever wanted was to get married to a responsible guy and make her mama proud. When this her co worker dumped her in the most humiliating way, she almost ended it all but then she knew she can’t just give up for the sake of her mum, she picked herself up, doubled her efforts at work and pretended as if the guy doesn’t exist and that they never had anything. Actually it was difficult for her because she would come home some days and cry herself to sleep but after crying she will still pick herself up.
A year later she was promoted ahead of the guy and the guy started taking orders from her. Six months after that she met a high profile customer who she has been managing his account for, they guy is a US citizen but he frequents Nigeria for his business, the guy picked interest in my friend and they started dating. They dated for 2 months and got married, My babe is currently in the US with her family, they recently had their first child while the guy is still here in Nigeria struggling to make ends meet.
You see my dear, I know that everyone’s story might not be like that of my friend but one thing I know is that,
God has his ways of doing things, he has his ways of saving us from things he know will actually harm us, it may not actually be the way we want it to be at first but believe me, his ways are perfect and sooner you will realize that this is actually God saving you from future harm.
There is nothing you, your mom or anyone else can do about it. Don’t let your mom report him to the management or maybe attend the wedding, it’s of no use.
So I advise you keep your cool, get yourself together and move on, learn from your mistake and alow God guide you.
Sisi want to encourage you to take heart…..can i use a word? Please let go and let God …. Jesus christ is willing and holyspirit is willing as well they will comfort and help you back on your feet
What is your definition of serious relationship?
Just nine months, odikwa egwu!
From the way you’re feeling right now,it clearly shows that you threw yourself at him,you go dey date and trust man for the same place of work,huh!
Why do you want to bring disgrace to yourself by reporting to the management? The same management you and Osas practically hid your relationship from,you shouldn’t have told that your female colleague,she didn’t even do well by confronting Osas.
Lesson learnt right,please move on. Mind your business at work,stop your mum from bringing further humiliation and disgrace to you. You’re too young to be desperate,relax and breathe.
Osas marriage will not even last so why are you even bothered,the finger of God has just singled you out from a dangerous time bomb and you’re here crying and trying to commit suicide,I sorry oooo.
Dem never tell you say this life is too short and sweet to allow any Osas with bad energy and vibes to destabilize you like this.
My sister,you better wake up,if you’re with someone like me,I will never allow you think about him, infact I will give you one thousand and one reasons why you shouldn’t go close to a nincompoop like him.
Peace
I understand what you are going through, define the rhythm of your relationship because dancing without control. That relationship was strictly without no strings attached but you made yourself vulnerable and blaming someone else. Your heart is rib apart but these is a lesson to learn next time, many work place relationship is just for cruise as they don’t end up in the alter as we all know this except you. No need to ask your Mom to cause commotion in the church or reporting to the management. Work your transfer to another branch instead and move on with the lesson you plunge yourself into. God bless you.
Hi, why do ladies like playing the victim when they’ve clearly made the wrong decision ? Thank God you even said it yourself that other guys were interested in you. You (women) will leave good, nice and committed guys only to follow ‘fine boy charm’ now you’ll open your mouth to claim; men are scum, smh.
You better sit your ass up and appreciate nice, respectful and responsible guys when they come again. They might not be as charming and as “fine” as you’d love. But they can be committed and give you a happy home.
In dating / relationship I advise people to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Not every relationship will end in marriage so dust yourself and move on. Kindly advise your mom to stop anything that will cause you further humiliation and embarrassment.
I believe the wedding is over now.
Anyway, I would say this categorically, as long as a man is yet to wife you, any sexual activities and it’s outcome is yours to bear especially if you consented to it.
It could be painful and I feel your pain but the fact remains that the guy saw you liked him and showed interest hence he cooked up an excuse and dated you.
His girl could have been out of town when he started dating you but that’s in the past now. I only point that out so you will see the deceit that could be created and used against a woman in love.
Osas is just a human. If you end it, you are a loser and your mum will not survive it.
If you or your mum reports him, you will get sacked because you went against the company’s policy.
If your mum showed up to stop his marriage, it’s a sign of desperation. It won’t change anything. He isntythe first to impregnate a girl and they agreed to terminate it.
So, what so you have against him? He promised you marriage but had two women and made his choice. That’s what world people will say.
Please, convert your anger and pains into a positive energy to focus on your job, build your capacity and win even before his eyes.
Live daily enjoying God’s love and ignoring the presence of Osas in that office.
You will be fine. I will keep you in my prayer. I will also recommend you see a therapist if you can. Embrace Jesus more at this time. Turn sad moment to time of praise. Play the music even if you can’t sing along. Get the book, The Intentional Woman. You will be glad you read it.
All the best.