True Life Story: My Fiancée Is Disobeying Me-Is This A Red Flag?
Dear Lively Stones,
Please I need advise. My name is Francis (not real name). I am in a relationship for almost two years now. I met my girlfriend, now fiancée at a wedding two years ago. She was a wedding usher and she caught my eyes. Very beautiful and attractive girl. She was in her 300 level at Unilag studying Mass Communications. We became friends after a while before taking things to the next level. I love her cos she’s intelligent and makes me laugh. She hails from Ondo state.
We recently got engaged after her final year exams. My intention was to get married after her youth service, maybe she gets a job and six months later or a year, we save enough to start married life. So, her youth service came and they posted her to Ogun state. I was very happy cos my parents live in Abeokuta. So, I felt she would stay in my family house after her camp. After camp, my girlfriend moved in with her friends in corpers lodge. I told her to go to my parents house but she would only visit but refused to stay there.
Never miss a story — subscribe to Lively Stones Relationship Blog PUSH NOTIFICATION for daily Post to stay up-to-date on the best of what LIVELY STONES has to offer, from juicy celebrity relationship news, romantic articles to compelling true life stories.
So, this continued until, she had an issue with one of the corpers and she said she cant stay there anymore, that she wants to rent a place. Given, accommodation is not so expensive there but for goodness sake, I have a family house in town that she can stay with. She said its too far from her place of assignment and she does not want to live with her future inlaw cos they will be monitoring her movement.
My girl’s two reasons to me is not good enough and so I refused to assist her get accommodation. How can she say the place is far for her when its just one taxi ride to her PPA? I will even give her pocket money for transport. And saying her future inlaws will be monitoring her is like saying my parents will be watching her. I just feel, staying with my parents will give her opportunity to get to bond more with my family. Please this matter is raising friction in the relationship and I need your advise.
Right now, I don’t know who she is staying with. She is with someone she said its a friend and has refused to talk to me until I send her money for accommodation. Me too, I have refused to talk to her cos I feel she’s being unreasonable. Even for the fact that I don’t know where she is staying, is giving me vibes like she wants freedom to do anyhow…yes, she has never been a bad girl but knowing what some girls do at youth service, you never can tell….
We haven’t spoken to each other for almost four days. This is really troubling me…and then she posted a picture a few days ago on her status, she was wearing a very see through outfit where she put out her tongue like these tik tok girls do….it was a s3xy picture….she captioned it: who is your daddy….I dont know if she did that to make me jealous but I told her to take it down and she did but its making me think many thoughts….like, who is she with? Is she messing around? with who?
I know we are not married yet and this girl cannot take simple instructions from me…what if we now marry…she may do worse….she said I am over reacting but am I over reacting? I want to go and visit her this weekend but I am feeling angry cos she disobeyed me…she has never disobeyed me before….is she beginning to change? Should I still visit or just leave her alone until she comes to her senses or leave her to decide whether this relationship means anything to her after all.
More From Lively Stones
- True Life Story: My Fiancée Deceived Me For Almost One Year
- True Life Story: Please Help Me Judge, Is My Fiancee A Wife Material Or Not
- True Life Story: How Do I Forgive My Fiancée After She Lied In Her Confession To Me?
I say this because, I know she knows how much I love her….she is waiting for me to yield to her wishes and send her money for accommodation. Normally, I would have sent her the money…I give her anything she asks every time except I don’t have the money. She knows I have the money and she wants me to get her own place but I want her to stay with my folks. My parents are nice people and they lover her….so the issue of them being bad to her will never arise….so why is my girlfriend insisting?
And more importantly….what do I do? Insist on her staying with my family or bulge and give her the money or just watch and see where this leads us to? I need your opinions please.
Anonymous
Do you have a story to share? We want to hear all about it. Email us at [email protected] or Whatsapp +2348029870309
Share this
Please kindly send her the money for accommodation and keep watching her movement. Stop being paranoid,allow her to exercise herself and stop the monitoring jare.
Allow her to breathe, youth service will not last forever,so relax. Be a man,apply wisdom and diplomacy in a matter like this biko.
*U can force a horse down the stream but u can’t force it to drink water*
U can’t enforce Ur decision on her ,her submission to u should be voluntary and not forced .
I think u are over forcing Ur decision on her .
I do not know URS but then I feel it is bad .
She doesn’t want to stay with Ur parent ,it is her decision ,why are u forcing Ur decision on her ?
Before when I say something it is usually final ,and then she would tell me at home why do I like enforcing my decision on her ,it caused a lot of problems for us then
U must be willing to understand Ur wife or Ur girlfriend or Ur woman ,look at things from her perspective too
She has a point ,but u are refusing to look at things from her own point
If she doesn’t want to stay with your parent ,it is fine respect her decision ,but don’t force her to it ,she might grow disdain for you and one day she might say u are insensitive.
U are a leader and she is a follower , sometimes u have to listen to Ur follower ,of course u do not want her to control u ,but u have to have a listening hear
One of the quality of a good man is his ability to listen to his woman
U Might choose not to send her the accomodation money ,but that should not be the reason for u to keep malice with each other ,
_It isn’t distance that kills relationship ,it is the lack of communication_
URS is small , decision might differ but what is more important is the love u have for each other
She has a reason why she doesn’t want to stay with Ur parent ,the same reason why a man won’t go and stay living with his in-law if there is no coguent reason for that .
*U love her , respect her decision and do not enforce Ur decision on her .*
She is not your wife yet why should she stay with your parents.
If she were my daughter I will not allow her live with your parents
Familiarity breeds contempt.
Even as a married woman I wouldn’t want to live with my inlaws.
Send the money for accommodation to her and let her get a place of her own. She’s not yet married to you, so she won’t feel comfortable living with your PARENTS. Your sister or cousin of same age group would have been more comfortable for her.
You need to also work on your trust instincts. Learn to trust your partner until proven otherwise.
For God sake it’s not a good thing to force your opinion on an adult more still asking her to stay with your parents is completely unacceptable please. Let her be, she won’t be single forever and you’re just been paranoid. Done ever force your woman to stay with your parents more than a week. It is never safe for either party nor you so do send her the money and let her settle down on time. Shalom
You said this “I give her anything she asks every time except I don’t have the money. She knows I have the money and she wants me to get her own place but I want her to stay with my folks.”
When will men like you learn? Why do all use money to toast women? Why do you all act silly for women? She knows you are a simp, a mangina, a pussified man, a women worshiper. She knows you worship her. Men like you make women the center of your world, hence, women don’t respect you and treat you like trash.
Like I always say on twitter “women don’t respect men that overrate them but they respect men that dont overrate them ”
If you don’t dump her this moment, you will learn the painful way.
I wish you well.
✌
I don’t know your lady but you do sound a bit controlling.
You need to understand that she is not yet married to you. While I understand your point that your parents will be happy to have her around etc. which is a beautiful thing and she could visit especially when you come around and you both go. She doesn’t know them yet to move in there fully. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is very easy for people to start picking faults when they live in close proximity for a long time, before it happens, people would never believe it could happen and it can make your relationship sour because you won’t know whose side to be on.
Periodic visits is ok except you both knew yourselves since you were kids and she already feels as part of the family which is not the case here. Once in a while a weekend sleep over with your Parents is ok too, to gradually get to know each other, show homeliness and she ‘disappears for a bit’ to catch up with the girls if that’s how she likes it, do not force it. This is not to say that your Parents are not good people but even so, let her rent a place if that is what she feels more comfortable with. Even after being married to you please don’t think you should force everyone to live under the same roof, listen to your wife and you don’t have to report everything verbatim to your Parents why she can’t live there for the entire duration, there are ladies who this won’t be an issue to but it is to her so respect it. Protect your woman and as a good lady, she in turn should know what to do to win her inlaws over gradually during her periodic visits.
Being a new wife or wife to be living with Parents she may feel the pressure to prove she is a good girl and need to take on ALL domestics etc. even if you have helpers, dressing etc. or other things. Truly most women in this category are being observed in one form or the other and ‘scored’ by inlaws unconsciously especially in African settings ( not a bad thing).
Make plans to stop this malice. If you want to support her rent do. She should also not stop speaking to you because of money, everyone can bear their cross. If in doubt of her, pay get a surprise visit but ensure you are not being paranoid. Having said this, I don’t know your lady. If you both love each other, as soon as you can, make plans to marry and live with each other.
A man forsakes his father and mother and cleaves to his wife. Both of you will still love care , visit your parents and make them happy as good children.
All the best
What are you afraid of?
This lady is as free as a bird. Even when she is married to you, she isn’t your slave but a companion and wife.
Allow her to be herself. Do not force your will on her. If you were married already, it will be a different ball game.
You said she is a good girl and haven’t misbehaved before. Then, trust her and let her get her accomodation.
You both can have a discussion that she visits them regularly as her activity permits maybe one weekend in a month.
Trust is vital in a relationship.
Your parents might love her but stating together is a different thing and may not end well.
I will suggest you visit her, help with the accommodation and possibly see anyone she has found and let your relationship breathe and be free of control.
Obedience is a choice. An adult can’t endorse all you want or say always. If they claim to do so, you may have someone planning or disobeying you behind.
I wish you well.
They said you’re not married to her. My brother don’t send her a penny. Let her parents pay for her accommodation. She does not want your parents to monitor her but wants your money as what?