True Life Story: My Friend’s Husband Is Going Through Depression & Addiction
Hello Lively Stones,
Please share this on behalf of my friend. The matter is about her husband. In 2019, they lost their one year old son to medical negligence in one of these government hospitals. It was a big blow for them and particularly for the husband. The husband blames my friend for the death of their child. He says she did not take the child early enough to the hospital. At first, my friend thought it was malaria and kept treating with drugs but before day 3, the boy got worse.
When they got to the hospital, they were referred to general hospital and before they could finish their protocols, the baby died. My friend’s husband was so upset that after the baby’s death, he refused to talk to the wife for almost 3 months. It took the intervention of the family for him to start speaking to the wife. However, things were really never the same again.
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Their relationship was a cold one. And the man stopped making love to his wife. He would give excuse that he is depressed or tired or busy. My friend because she wanted to work on her marriage, decided to endure the marriage at any cost. Later on, she started suspecting the man was having an affair but she never found enough evidence. She really suffered cos the man would make love to her like only once on 3 or 4 months. And she said, during the love making….he would be acting like he is angry with her.
In 2021, my friend got pregnant and she was hoping this would repair their marriage but the man did not change towards her. This made her have a miscarriage…she was miserable. This time she was ready to leave the marriage but he begged her to bear with him that he is just suffering from depression. My friend agreed to stay and help him overcome the depression.
Then as time went on, he would slip in and out of the depression, he resorted to drinking and getting drunk. Spending time at clubs and women. He then developed erectile dysfunction due to his excessive drinking and womanizing. My friend was frustrated. The marriage was full of pain and struggle. They could not communicate. She was also scared of getting infected cos the man was sleeping with all kinds of women. Many advised her to stay clear of her husband S** wise for the time being.
Staying clear of her husband meant she could not have S** with him for a long time. My friend’s loneliness made her to start chatting with her married ex boyfriend. The guys was there for her, to comfort her and keep her sane. She has been seeing the ex boyfriend for a while now, secretly. My friend did not know when she got pregnant. She found out when she was almost six months gone. Now, she is extremely confused. How will she deal with the pregnancy … clearly the pregnancy is for her married ex ….
My friend confided in me that she wants to keep the pregnancy cos this is her 3rd pregnancy while she has lost two children before….and so, she does not know if she will ever have another child with the way the she and her husband are no longer sleeping together. But how will she explain that she got pregnant without him sleeping with her? Besides, the pregnancy is far gone and too late for an abortion.
To me, I feel like she should tell her husband but keep quiet about the real owner of the pregnancy. I am from the Eastern part of the country. Our tradition is, any child born under a husband’s roof is his child. So, there is no need to say anything…except the man wants a DNA and she can fake one. The man is the cause of the problems…he pushed her away…he is depressed and an addict…S** and alcohol addict. If their marriage can survive, maybe this child will reconcile them probably.
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This is the advice I gave my friend…I know others may have a different opinion but what other opinions will fail to check is: if my friend confesses….their marriage will not survive it…and the ex is happily married…why should this confession break their happy marriage? Abi, dont we remember the story that was shared on Lively Stones about a woman who got pregnant for a married man(click here to read that story) …how the man’s wife cursed the woman and her unborn child?
Of what benefit will a confession bring? But having a baby….is there a possibility that it can bring my friend and her husband close again? My friend does not want the marriage to break up. The whole problem they are facing is tied to loosing their first two children. That is why the man is depressed and why my friend became lonely and sought comfort in the hands of another man.
I need mature advice. The couple are in a very vulnerable position. A child that would have been a great news for them has come in a way that may break them apart finally. Please let’s be sensitive in our comments, my friend will be reading. This is a serious matter for her.
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