True Life Story: My Husband Body Shamed Me After Giving Birth To Three Children
Dear Lively Stones,
I want to thank you for organizing the webinar with the Barrister. I have been restless since the webinar ended. That is because, its like the Barrister was talking to me all through. I have been married for almost eight years. My marriage like any other marriage has its challenges, but I never imagined I would be the kind of woman that cheats on her husband. And the person who is at fault is my husband, my husband body shamed me just because I wanted oral s3x.
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When I met my husband about 13 years ago, I was a virgin, he disvirgined me and we got married after five years of dating. I have never known any other man except my husband. But in this marriage, my husband has not been fair to me. Him knowing that I am a faithful wife, he usually do not take our s3x life seriously. When we were dating before marriage, he used to be a more attentive lover but after marriage, he changed. No more romance in the marriage. While dating, s3x and oral s3x was something we both used to enjoy. We also used to enjoy romantic gestures like kissing, touching, cuddling, etc.
And its because of the romantic nature I saw in him, that made me fall in love and marry him. But after marriage, he stopped being romantic, saying he has other things taking his attention, business,etc. If I tried to cuddle him, he would pull away from me and before I know it…he is snoring so soundly. It really affected me cos I love attention. I watch alot of romantic movies and I used to cry when I see those romance that my husband does not give me anymore. It became worse after child birth. Sex became like a chore for us. Only when my husband needs s3x will he be in the mood. If I try to initiate s3x,he will say he is tired.
Then several months ago, my husband and I were making love, and he wanted a blow job as usual, I told him that if I give him a blow job, then he too must do something for me. Just because he was in the mood, he answered yes yes. So I gave him his usual BJ and he was satisfied…when I was expecting him to reciprocate, he just got up to clean up. I asked him how far, he said I am not serious, that he cannot give me head after I have given birth to 3 children from my vagina. That my vagina does not attract him anymore. That he never wanted to tell me cos he knows the sacrifice I made to have children but he cannot go down there anymore as he used to do before marriage.
Hearing my husband say my vagina is not the way it used to be broke me. That I gave birth to 3 children from my vagina is the reason I cannot get a head from my husband but he expects me to give him a BJ anytime….I cried and cried. I then told him, that if he cannot give head, then no s3x. We quarreled about this. He reported me to his elder sister. That one counselled me to keep my home and don’t starve my husband of s3x so he will not go outside. We resolved the matter but I was not happy.
I told myself, its the price I have to pay for being a mother. But my advice to women, dont allow your husband see you push a baby through your vagina o. If you can, do CS…so your vagina can remain intact for him. My s3x life has become extinct. Hubby was selfish and I did not think he loved me like before. This went on until last year. Last year, around Valentine, I was at the mall when I mistakenly reversed and hit someone’s car. It was a prado jeep. I made a dent on it and I was sure I was in trouble cos where will I get money to fix a prado jeep?. But the driver came down and saw I was a woman, even though he was upset., he was like, he can’t be upset with a woman.
I begged him and told him I can pay some money to help with the damage but he insisted that I should not worry. So, we exchanged nos and he wanted to walk away but he noticed I was still a bit disturbed by the accident, he came back and he then said, madam, come let me buy you a drink so you can relax….I tried to say no but he then said, well, since you owe me for my car dent, I insist you come have a drink with me. I knew he was now flirting with me…me? Like….a man is flirting with this me that my husband says is no longer attractive? It felt nice so we went to a restaurant and he ordered drinks. We talked and I told him I was married and he asked me if I was happily married.
Maybe it was the drink cos I had had a bottle of beer: but I responded that I am not happy. This guy seemed attentive, he asked me what the issue is….I just started tearing up and told him my husband does not find me attractive…he asked why…in short…he kept asking why and it felt good to be talking to someone about my problems. When I told him it was about our s3x life….he smiled and said my husband is a fool. It was my turn to ask why. Then he said: cos I all I want to do now is f*ck you.
No one has ever spoke to erotic to me before. I shivered. I knew I should have gotten up but I did not. We talked and drank some more. And the next thing he did was take my had and he said follow me: I asked to where…he said, you will see. We went to the toilets…male toilets…he locked the door…and started kissing me…I resisted feebly but he put his hand on my mouth and went down on me….he did it so smoothly…parted my legs and started touching me down there.
This stranger, who I noticed was so handsome, went down on me in a public toilet. I was so glad he covered my mouth cos I was screaming with moans. By the time he was done and penetrated me, I knew it was over. I could not say no or resist anything. Douglas is his name. (not real name abeg). Doug and I have been having an affair since that day. We meet in different places. We are not exclusive cos he has a girlfriend but we f*ck every week. I look forward to it like I need oxygen to breathe.
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This has been my life since last year. No one knows. My husband does not suspect cos I do not bother him anymore. He does his regular basic s3x every Saturday morning. But every Monday evening and Thursday afternoon or sometimes morning….Dough is eating me away and I am trapped. I cannot stop seeing Dough no matter how much the guilt is consuming me. But every time I remember how my husband told me my vagina is not attractive to him cos I gave birth to his children, I feel so much rage and want to prove him wrong by f*cking Dough.
Stumbling on the webinar has made me very uncomfortable. I feel like this secret sin has eaten so deep into me, I no longer know who I am anymore. I need help. Its so bad that I can be masturbating and having phone s3x with Dough while hubby is sleeping next to me. Sometimes, after hubby has done 3 mins s3x, he sleeps immediately while I go into the toilet to have phone s3x, face timing with Dough. My husband is so clueless.
Please advise me. It will be hard to stop seeing Dough, it feels so right and yet so wrong…it feels good to have someone tell you that are are so sexy and desirable. It feels good to always have an orgasm, makes me sleep better…I know its wrong…but any advise on what I should do is welcome. Please don’t curse me…I know I am already a sinner. But aren’t we all? I am only pleading for help…..I need advise on how to make hubby fall in love with me again and give me the kind of s3x that has driven me into the arms of another man.
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