True Life Story: My Husband Body Shamed Me After Giving Birth To Three Children
Dear Lively Stones,
I want to thank you for organizing the webinar with the Barrister. I have been restless since the webinar ended. That is because, its like the Barrister was talking to me all through. I have been married for almost eight years. My marriage like any other marriage has its challenges, but I never imagined I would be the kind of woman that cheats on her husband. And the person who is at fault is my husband, my husband body shamed me just because I wanted oral s3x.
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When I met my husband about 13 years ago, I was a virgin, he disvirgined me and we got married after five years of dating. I have never known any other man except my husband. But in this marriage, my husband has not been fair to me. Him knowing that I am a faithful wife, he usually do not take our s3x life seriously. When we were dating before marriage, he used to be a more attentive lover but after marriage, he changed. No more romance in the marriage. While dating, s3x and oral s3x was something we both used to enjoy. We also used to enjoy romantic gestures like kissing, touching, cuddling, etc.
And its because of the romantic nature I saw in him, that made me fall in love and marry him. But after marriage, he stopped being romantic, saying he has other things taking his attention, business,etc. If I tried to cuddle him, he would pull away from me and before I know it…he is snoring so soundly. It really affected me cos I love attention. I watch alot of romantic movies and I used to cry when I see those romance that my husband does not give me anymore. It became worse after child birth. Sex became like a chore for us. Only when my husband needs s3x will he be in the mood. If I try to initiate s3x,he will say he is tired.
Then several months ago, my husband and I were making love, and he wanted a blow job as usual, I told him that if I give him a blow job, then he too must do something for me. Just because he was in the mood, he answered yes yes. So I gave him his usual BJ and he was satisfied…when I was expecting him to reciprocate, he just got up to clean up. I asked him how far, he said I am not serious, that he cannot give me head after I have given birth to 3 children from my vagina. That my vagina does not attract him anymore. That he never wanted to tell me cos he knows the sacrifice I made to have children but he cannot go down there anymore as he used to do before marriage.
Hearing my husband say my vagina is not the way it used to be broke me. That I gave birth to 3 children from my vagina is the reason I cannot get a head from my husband but he expects me to give him a BJ anytime….I cried and cried. I then told him, that if he cannot give head, then no s3x. We quarreled about this. He reported me to his elder sister. That one counselled me to keep my home and don’t starve my husband of s3x so he will not go outside. We resolved the matter but I was not happy.
I told myself, its the price I have to pay for being a mother. But my advice to women, dont allow your husband see you push a baby through your vagina o. If you can, do CS…so your vagina can remain intact for him. My s3x life has become extinct. Hubby was selfish and I did not think he loved me like before. This went on until last year. Last year, around Valentine, I was at the mall when I mistakenly reversed and hit someone’s car. It was a prado jeep. I made a dent on it and I was sure I was in trouble cos where will I get money to fix a prado jeep?. But the driver came down and saw I was a woman, even though he was upset., he was like, he can’t be upset with a woman.
I begged him and told him I can pay some money to help with the damage but he insisted that I should not worry. So, we exchanged nos and he wanted to walk away but he noticed I was still a bit disturbed by the accident, he came back and he then said, madam, come let me buy you a drink so you can relax….I tried to say no but he then said, well, since you owe me for my car dent, I insist you come have a drink with me. I knew he was now flirting with me…me? Like….a man is flirting with this me that my husband says is no longer attractive? It felt nice so we went to a restaurant and he ordered drinks. We talked and I told him I was married and he asked me if I was happily married.
Maybe it was the drink cos I had had a bottle of beer: but I responded that I am not happy. This guy seemed attentive, he asked me what the issue is….I just started tearing up and told him my husband does not find me attractive…he asked why…in short…he kept asking why and it felt good to be talking to someone about my problems. When I told him it was about our s3x life….he smiled and said my husband is a fool. It was my turn to ask why. Then he said: cos I all I want to do now is f*ck you.
No one has ever spoke to erotic to me before. I shivered. I knew I should have gotten up but I did not. We talked and drank some more. And the next thing he did was take my had and he said follow me: I asked to where…he said, you will see. We went to the toilets…male toilets…he locked the door…and started kissing me…I resisted feebly but he put his hand on my mouth and went down on me….he did it so smoothly…parted my legs and started touching me down there.
This stranger, who I noticed was so handsome, went down on me in a public toilet. I was so glad he covered my mouth cos I was screaming with moans. By the time he was done and penetrated me, I knew it was over. I could not say no or resist anything. Douglas is his name. (not real name abeg). Doug and I have been having an affair since that day. We meet in different places. We are not exclusive cos he has a girlfriend but we f*ck every week. I look forward to it like I need oxygen to breathe.
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This has been my life since last year. No one knows. My husband does not suspect cos I do not bother him anymore. He does his regular basic s3x every Saturday morning. But every Monday evening and Thursday afternoon or sometimes morning….Dough is eating me away and I am trapped. I cannot stop seeing Dough no matter how much the guilt is consuming me. But every time I remember how my husband told me my vagina is not attractive to him cos I gave birth to his children, I feel so much rage and want to prove him wrong by f*cking Dough.
Stumbling on the webinar has made me very uncomfortable. I feel like this secret sin has eaten so deep into me, I no longer know who I am anymore. I need help. Its so bad that I can be masturbating and having phone s3x with Dough while hubby is sleeping next to me. Sometimes, after hubby has done 3 mins s3x, he sleeps immediately while I go into the toilet to have phone s3x, face timing with Dough. My husband is so clueless.
Please advise me. It will be hard to stop seeing Dough, it feels so right and yet so wrong…it feels good to have someone tell you that are are so sexy and desirable. It feels good to always have an orgasm, makes me sleep better…I know its wrong…but any advise on what I should do is welcome. Please don’t curse me…I know I am already a sinner. But aren’t we all? I am only pleading for help…..I need advise on how to make hubby fall in love with me again and give me the kind of s3x that has driven me into the arms of another man.
Anonymous
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Dear poster, giving birth through the vagina is not a bad thing,I see no reason your husband should body shame you.
You need to start doing kegel exercise,it also helps to tighten up the V area,but wait ooooo,the same V your husband body shamed you of, is the same V Douglas is enjoying,this life self.
Always look attractive and engage in kegel exercise but please you need to stop seeing Douglas,it feels so good to enjoy sex with him but it’s very bad to do that while you’re married.
Please stop it,just stop,stop and think of ways to attract your husband to you,as long as your husband is not cheating,you have no right to cheat woman,okay.
Ask questions on ways you can tighten up the V area,I have just told you about kegel. Peace
Dear writer,
Hmmm!
When every wrong is justified, it leaves the ones who stand to do.right wonder if the wrong is better option or every right doing comes back to wrong doing someday.
I’m sure you are a good woman and want the best for your marriage.
The truth we must accept is there will definitely be changes in our partners as time passes.
If you check in with yourself, obviously you have areas you have changed too which your hubby might be uncomfortable with.
The issue with your hubby is his mindset and lack of understanding of your body.
Foreplayd could come in, he could help you in handling your V area in such a way he will desire it but he gave up too soon.
Forgive him though it hurts.
You have a work to do. Meet a sex therapist to educate you on how to handle your V-area so it will be enticing to your hubby. Make your hubby play with your body more. Talk him into it and even get him to desire to go down there as you desire.
Spice up your sex life. Mind your hygiene, food intake, exercise, atmosphere you set before the time.
Make some days special and invite him home to it.
No one resists romantic treatment.
If he won’t change, get a counsellor to speak with him like Mrs Jhzane.
Then leave Dough… You have done enough. You have proved your point that you are still irresistible and desired.
You can’t keep living in such manner and don’t expect it to fireback someday. Please, respectfully stop and focus on your hubby and find other things to occupy your mind.
Mind you, the sex life will change for many. Expect and prepare for it.
I hope the fire returns to your sex life and marriage.
Finally, having kids through the V area is not a sin or bad. Your experience can’t be the same for others. Don’t advice women to do CS due to your current situation.
All the best.
it is possible to be attracted to spouse again, but first “you must realize what caused the decreased attraction in the first place.” For instance, you already mentioned because your vagina now that’s a good place to start is to make a commitment to spend more time alone together.
Decreased attraction has to be replaced with “affection, a sense of humor and intimate communication”
It’s also important to note it takes two willing people to get things going again, and “you both need to create ways to communicate that you want to be close to each other,”
It’s also important to note that over time, sex may be less about having an orgasm, and instead, “the focus should be on pleasure,”
As unromantic as it may sound, recommends scheduling sex, communicating to your partner and trying some new stuff in the bedroom to spice things up.
The good news is? unless something happened in the relationship that is very painful, most partners can get the attraction back if you and your partner care enough to put in the work it takes to get there.
It’s important to remember all relationships go through ebbs and flows and if you look back and remember what attracted you to them in the first place, think about why you don’t see them the same way anymore and can communicate these things to your partner in a supportive way, there is hope you can get those old feelings back don’t forget to forgive him for his hurting words
Don’t forget secret sins has pay back it’s not free when the consequences spring forth there’s always a regrettable price to pay pls nne do the needful as soon as possible.
wishing you all the best.
it is possible to be attracted to spouse again, but first “you must realize what caused the decreased attraction in the first place.” For instance, you already mentioned because your vagina now that’s a good place to start is to make a commitment to spend more time alone together.
Decreased attraction has to be replaced with “affection, a sense of humor and intimate communication”
It’s also important to note it takes two willing people to get things going again, and “you both need to create ways to communicate that you want to be close to each other,”
It’s also important to note that over time, sex may be less about having an orgasm, and instead, “the focus should be on pleasure,”
As unromantic as it may sound, recommends scheduling sex, communicating to your partner and trying some new stuff in the bedroom to spice things up.
The good news is? unless something happened in the relationship that is very painful, most partners can get the attraction back if you and your partner care enough to put in the work it takes to get there.
It’s important to remember all relationships go through ebbs and flows and if you look back and remember what attracted you to them in the first place, think about why you don’t see them the same way anymore and can communicate these things to your partner in a supportive way, there is hope you can get those old feelings back don’t forget to forgive him for his hurting words
Don’t forget secret sins has pay back it’s not free when the consequences spring forth there’s always a regrettable price to pay I know you want that for yourself and your kids pls nne do the needful as soon as possible.
wishing you all the best.
Hello ma i apprciate your sincerity…….my encouragement is please at this stage….ask yourself if after 3kids and can i try working on my body to look enticing? Yes ma you can try joining a gym…also can you pray to God to help you make your husband listen and understand as you communicate your feeling to your husband because this change is a constant….please ma try stop this affair this end result is dangerous for you….consider your children….what if the guy becomes a blackmailer…..i wish you the best….work on your body try make your husband want you by make him desire you look nice look sexy give gifts sit down with him to talk…..make him talk about business with you…..make him go out with you ….and use the many advise coming from the blog
You have been cheating on your husband, and you say its your husbands fault, this must be a joke. You are 100% responsible for every adultery you have done.
Why do you women hate accountability so much, you always have excuses for your bad behavior, yet you call men scum. Now weigh your husband body shamed you and you committing adultery many times, you can see your husband is even a saint.
Your husband doesn’t deserve you, with all his sacrifices for you, this is how you chose to pay him, by giving yourself to another man. Because he body shamed you, you started committing adultery. So, if he was cheating on you, I know thoughts to kill him would be often on your mind.
This is why I always tell men, never to trust women, you women look so saintly but you commit the worse of crimes but call men scum. My dear sister, do you know how much pain a spouse feels when they discover their spouse is cheating on them, the pain is worse when he or she has never cheated on the cheating spouse.
You see how much pain you felt when your husband body shamed you, imagine if he cheated on you, you and I know the extent you women can go when husbands cheat, you and I know what I mean.
Take this from me, tell your husband everything, don’t leave anything out, tell him from the day you met that foolish man named Douglas, but I doubt you are even ready to stop this evil, adultery. I hope you don’t even blame your husband while telling him because, your blamed your husband for the adultery you willingly and deliberately did many times.
Lastly, to the men that sleep with other men’s wives, if you are killed, we will only use you as a lesson to other men to learn.
Hello Poster,
What you needed to do was find a therapist for you and your husband to get the needed help.
Cheating on him for his inadequacy is not right. Your husband is wrong for body shaming you, he needs to be educated, not cheated upon.
In all you said, you did not mention that your husband has stopped loving you…the s#x may be wack but he may also be dealing with his own issues.
I’d say both of you need help. The culture has made it look like women should never talk about enjoying s3x. That is culture shaming, we are learning and moving past that but some people are still stuck in the past.
If you truly want to take a different approach, I would recommend you pray to God to forgive you and genuinely repent. Stay away from that young man that seems to be giving you guilty pleasures…he will lead you to destruction.
And then, get a therapist, a qualified one, someone who can also handle s3x therapy too. You and your husband need to commit to learning about your bodies and loving your bodies despite its imperfections.
Nothing wrong with a vagina that has given birth to 3 children. If it has become too elastic, then there are options of exercise or minor surgery to get it back.
And for your husband, he needs to be reminded that his primary role is to love you despite your body imperfections.
Young boys and men need to be taught how a woman’s body changes after childbirth. Before you marry a young lady, look at her mother….do you like what you see, because your wife most likely will end up looking like her mother in 10 or 15 years after childbirth.
And who says women who have given birth are not sexy or attractive…..its a fallacy…..there are many tricks of the game….get educated young men.
You can still save your marriage and both of you can still enjoy s3x for many years to come…..everything in marriage is only successful when there is intentionality involved.
Married people: never stop giving attention to each other….never forget to water yourselves. And beware of outsiders who want to make you feel they can provide a better option to your spouse. Your spouse should be your best option. Just make sure you consistently water him or her.
Remember, there is no perfect situation, when life gives you lemons, learn to make lemonades. Never give up on a good marriage…..when your spouse is not meeting expectations…don’t give up on them…..keep giving them second chances with love and prayers.
There is never a good excuse for cheating. Build that which you think is lacking in your home…build it back and enjoy it.
Cheers.