True Life Story: My Marriage Has Became A Prison As My Husband No Longer Desires Me
Dear Lively Stones,
Thank you for providing a safe space for people to unburden themselves. I have been an ardent reader of the blog for a year and half, I feel like some of the stories been shared here are actually speaking to me personally because my marriage of 11 years has been an emotional prison for me and many times, the advice given here has been my support system for a while. I need to share my story because I am at a very tough situation: my husband no longer desires me, our marriage is like a fake marriage and I need your wise, objective counsel to make a decision.
So, my husband and I have been married for eleven years. When I married him, he told me his plan to travel abroad and from the first day we married, every penny we worked, we saved towards his trip abroad. Eventually, two years after, he got his papers and travelled to Canada (not real location). I was left back home with our 16 month old baby. While he was abroad, I was still saving, denying myself of every pleasure, so that me and my child can go join him in Canada.
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A year later, we joined him in Canada. When I got to Canada, I worked my ass off cos my husband was in school, what he was making on his side job was not enough, I was majorly the bread winner. I also had a business in Nigeria that was bringing in money so I was funding our house hold. When my husband finished his masters, he got a job but it was still small paying job compared to what I was making. I had our second child.
Then, I told my husband that we should start sending money home to build a house because working abroad without any investment at home was not ok. He agreed and we started sending his brother money from majorly my earnings for the brother to build us a house. We found out around 8 months after that the brother was scamming us. Hubby decided that he will go back to Naija and take charge of the building project while I stayed back to work and send money including running our home. It made sense since I was the higher earner anyway.
So for two years, hubby was in Nigeria building our home. He even got a good job so it seemed like all was well. Until one day, my sister called me to inform me that my husband has been rumored to have impregnated someone. It was unbelievable but eventually true. I was devastated. Hubby said it was a mistake, I could not believe him. I was working and taking care of our family and sending money and you were busy making mistakes of getting another woman pregnant?
I told him our marriage was over, I cut off all communication with him for one whole year. Eventually, I forgave him and he said he wanted to return to Canada, so that we can heal our marriage together. I agreed. But when he came to Canada, I was asking him for the papers to the house he built, he was procrastinating, so I paid someone money in ministry of lands to make inquiries and discovered that the house hubby built was in his name.
Another blow of betrayal. When I asked him, he was like, it does not matter since we are one and our children will inherit the house. By this time, every hope of reconciliation with him was gone. I wanted to file for a divorce but my eldest child begged me not to. She was 7 years old. I looked at her eyes and I told her I would not get a divorce but as for love, I no longer feel nothing for the father. We both agreed to not divorce for the sake of the children but we do not sleep together, our marriage is just like a business understanding.
For the past 3 years or so…I have not had s3x with hubby even though we live in the same house. I suspect he is cheating cos I see him making calls with different women. Sometimes he sleeps outside the house for days before returning home. Now, I am a Christian and I honor marriage as undefiled but after 3 years of no s3x…I ma afraid, my perseverance has withered away. I am constantly very horny…masturbation can no longer satisfy me.
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So, I secretly joined a hook up site just to have s3x for my desires. I have been sleeping with different men but I feel s3x is not enough without love. Yes, I get fcked by these men, some just want a pssy to fill their cum and I want to be cuddled and loved and wanted. I need a man to love me…and I don’t know how I will do that without feeling like I am cheating on my fake marriage plus, my children especially my daughter may feel I broke my promise to her…
This is because, I feel any man that will love me, may want a relationship or marriage. That will mean my children will feel like their parents are about to divorce. That may hurt them. But I am still a young woman, I am just 39 years old: I have desires…I want to be held and loved. I feel bad already that I am on hook up sites. I feel dirty after letting these strange men have s3x with me. But the thought of being in a relationship also terrifies me. Why is it so easy for men to move on?
My husband is cheating but our children do not see it cos he hides it well from them. They think their father is a hero but the man is heartless. Someone I struggled with for years…cheated on me, betrayed me and now, has starved me emotionally. One day, I was so horny, I went to my hubby’s room, I begged him for s3x…he rejected me and said I should stop embarrassing myself. That he cannot sleep with me for anything in this world. I cried…I need a man in my life…please advise me.
My husband rejecting me makes me feel no man will desire me too except just to fck. I know I don’t look like I was before marriage but I am still good looking yet I feel so undesirable. I have tried to even flirt around but most men here are not really into single mothers with children. But they just want to fck. If I divorce my hubby…I will disappoint my kids…my daughter will h*te me….not sure I will find a man who may want to marry me…but I am so frustrated because I can no longer bear this emotional loneliness that is consuming me. This is not fair. Please advise me.
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