True Life Story: My Marriage Has Became A Prison As My Husband No Longer Desires Me
Dear Lively Stones,
Thank you for providing a safe space for people to unburden themselves. I have been an ardent reader of the blog for a year and half, I feel like some of the stories been shared here are actually speaking to me personally because my marriage of 11 years has been an emotional prison for me and many times, the advice given here has been my support system for a while. I need to share my story because I am at a very tough situation: my husband no longer desires me, our marriage is like a fake marriage and I need your wise, objective counsel to make a decision.
So, my husband and I have been married for eleven years. When I married him, he told me his plan to travel abroad and from the first day we married, every penny we worked, we saved towards his trip abroad. Eventually, two years after, he got his papers and travelled to Canada (not real location). I was left back home with our 16 month old baby. While he was abroad, I was still saving, denying myself of every pleasure, so that me and my child can go join him in Canada.
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A year later, we joined him in Canada. When I got to Canada, I worked my ass off cos my husband was in school, what he was making on his side job was not enough, I was majorly the bread winner. I also had a business in Nigeria that was bringing in money so I was funding our house hold. When my husband finished his masters, he got a job but it was still small paying job compared to what I was making. I had our second child.
Then, I told my husband that we should start sending money home to build a house because working abroad without any investment at home was not ok. He agreed and we started sending his brother money from majorly my earnings for the brother to build us a house. We found out around 8 months after that the brother was scamming us. Hubby decided that he will go back to Naija and take charge of the building project while I stayed back to work and send money including running our home. It made sense since I was the higher earner anyway.
So for two years, hubby was in Nigeria building our home. He even got a good job so it seemed like all was well. Until one day, my sister called me to inform me that my husband has been rumored to have impregnated someone. It was unbelievable but eventually true. I was devastated. Hubby said it was a mistake, I could not believe him. I was working and taking care of our family and sending money and you were busy making mistakes of getting another woman pregnant?
I told him our marriage was over, I cut off all communication with him for one whole year. Eventually, I forgave him and he said he wanted to return to Canada, so that we can heal our marriage together. I agreed. But when he came to Canada, I was asking him for the papers to the house he built, he was procrastinating, so I paid someone money in ministry of lands to make inquiries and discovered that the house hubby built was in his name.
Another blow of betrayal. When I asked him, he was like, it does not matter since we are one and our children will inherit the house. By this time, every hope of reconciliation with him was gone. I wanted to file for a divorce but my eldest child begged me not to. She was 7 years old. I looked at her eyes and I told her I would not get a divorce but as for love, I no longer feel nothing for the father. We both agreed to not divorce for the sake of the children but we do not sleep together, our marriage is just like a business understanding.
For the past 3 years or so…I have not had s3x with hubby even though we live in the same house. I suspect he is cheating cos I see him making calls with different women. Sometimes he sleeps outside the house for days before returning home. Now, I am a Christian and I honor marriage as undefiled but after 3 years of no s3x…I ma afraid, my perseverance has withered away. I am constantly very horny…masturbation can no longer satisfy me.
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So, I secretly joined a hook up site just to have s3x for my desires. I have been sleeping with different men but I feel s3x is not enough without love. Yes, I get fcked by these men, some just want a pssy to fill their cum and I want to be cuddled and loved and wanted. I need a man to love me…and I don’t know how I will do that without feeling like I am cheating on my fake marriage plus, my children especially my daughter may feel I broke my promise to her…
This is because, I feel any man that will love me, may want a relationship or marriage. That will mean my children will feel like their parents are about to divorce. That may hurt them. But I am still a young woman, I am just 39 years old: I have desires…I want to be held and loved. I feel bad already that I am on hook up sites. I feel dirty after letting these strange men have s3x with me. But the thought of being in a relationship also terrifies me. Why is it so easy for men to move on?
My husband is cheating but our children do not see it cos he hides it well from them. They think their father is a hero but the man is heartless. Someone I struggled with for years…cheated on me, betrayed me and now, has starved me emotionally. One day, I was so horny, I went to my hubby’s room, I begged him for s3x…he rejected me and said I should stop embarrassing myself. That he cannot sleep with me for anything in this world. I cried…I need a man in my life…please advise me.
My husband rejecting me makes me feel no man will desire me too except just to fck. I know I don’t look like I was before marriage but I am still good looking yet I feel so undesirable. I have tried to even flirt around but most men here are not really into single mothers with children. But they just want to fck. If I divorce my hubby…I will disappoint my kids…my daughter will h*te me….not sure I will find a man who may want to marry me…but I am so frustrated because I can no longer bear this emotional loneliness that is consuming me. This is not fair. Please advise me.
Anonymous
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One problem with you women is, you all hate accountability, you will do all to paint yourself as the victim and men as evil.
You called your husband heartless for cheating on you, I ask what are you for sleeping with several men?
Stop blaming your husband for your irresponsible lifestyle. You are just as heartless as him.
You both must come to a meeting point, what do both of you want?
I wish you well
✌
Sometimes I just can’t help to wonder if you really do have a perfect life with the way you ridicule people with your comments.
Why on earth should you blamed the poster, didn’t you read what she wrote that her husband did to her?
It’s your type that treat their wives badly, and turn around to blame them for your stupid behavior.
You shouldn’t be here advising people. Gosh!
Dear writer,
While reading through your post, I sense there is so much sadness and isolation in your heart.
You are in pains and it’s eating you up so much. In as much as you want to give your children especially your daughter a complete home, you need a complete love and marriage too.
This union has been growing in lies, negligence and cheating. You have been cheated off your sweat, place as a lover of your spouse, attention and respect as mother of his kids.
As a Christian, your emotional needs are valid. As a married woman, your desires are valid but your method of getting it is wrong.
You need to get a lawyer and place demand for the papers of the properties to be changed to be in your name or you both.
Ensure the upkeep now is 70/30 , 70 from him because he got a good job now and you need to breathe from the labour you’ve been compelled to.
Get a good lawyer, file for a divorce. Stop tormenting yourself and separate to breathe and focus on being a good mother, serving God and living for Him alone and love will find you.
Stop sleeping around with random men. Don’t ask your husband for sex anymore. Be focused to getting a peace for yourself and your kids.
Ensure he takes up child care in a good percentage.
Get a therapist, yes do. You need to heal and heal properly so you can move on in life.
Your daughter and other kids have the right to know all the events and betrayal you’ve taken and the state of.your being and heart now. Let her know how deeply hurt you are and effect it could have on you and them tomorrow. Let her know, there is hope when you get separated and make sure her fears are handled well.
Remember to focus on God and pray. If there will be a change in your husband, let God deal with him.
But, focus on healing, getting your right over your sweat but if not possible, let go and focus on your happiness, health, kids and future.
Remember, you can still find love. Real love and true love. Age or kids won’t stop it. You deserve to be taken care of and God will bring you that which fulfills you.
God help you.
Someone to Iike KING should not be in this platform,becos he does nothing order than ridicule people who wants to share their story to seek cansel,what kind of a human is this? N he calls himself a Christian,if i were the Admin,u would have be removed a long time ago,
KING please if u don’t have what to say to people who took the pains of coming to share their story,just keep quite,becos u do nothing then to add to people’s problems.
I don’t know why it’s taking the admins of this page too long to remove this king, I hope it’s not the same annoying king that was in lively stone WhatsApp group chat some years back? He was obviously a small boy then but by this time I expect he should be more mature instead it’s getting worse.
Dear poster please look out for yourself, your children will thank you later, this same daughter may still hate you for not making the right decision and she will be justified because she is just a child now so she is in no position to advise you to stay or leave a marriage. Why are you taking this kind of advice from a child when you should be the one explaining to her how things work?
You have trusted the wrong man for too long and you are making even worse decisions out of fear, why is the fear of not finding a good man keeping you with a bad one? I understand if you don’t have the means to walk away yet but if you do then why let anything else other than the love for yourself comsume your thoughts and judgement?
Your kids are too young to advice you with your life for now, you have your life to live, may you not die of depression, your kids will continue life without you, you can still live a good life with another man, your kids will appreciate this later when they are grow and understand life enough…