True Life Story: Why I Asked My Husband For A Divorce-Ongoing Story Part 3
Hello Lively Stones,
Thank you for sharing my husband’s story a few days ago. I knew at some point, I would also share my story to give everyone a chance to have a fair perspective. Some of you may not understand why I agreed to share our marriage problems on social media. The truth is, life can be complicated and sometimes, when you feel like you have lost everything you love or worked hard for, it does not really matter what you do, you just wish for some hope for restoration or some hope that someone will learn from your own mistakes.
So, my husband’s account of what is happening is out there on the blog but this is my own story: I met my husband a virgin. That may not mean much to most people but I grew up in a strict religious family, who made me believe that remaining a virgin until marriage is a great virtue that will ensure a successful marriage in future. My husband was proud that he married a virgin too…our whole lives were ahead of us…I
never expected that s3x would become a problem one day, after all…he married the best woman in the world: A WHOLE VIRGIN….never did I expect that he would want to have s3x with another woman after me…not to talk of, having a child outside of our marriage because he was having s3x outside. When he complained about not getting enough s3x from me, I was thinking he was being selfish because I was having children and sometimes, that is very difficult to always be in the mood for s3x when you are running around 3 children under the age of 5.
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I tried my best to be a good wife…I made sure I gave him s3x at least once or twice in a week. To him, that was not enough and to me, that was selfish…but that was the beginning of our issues. I was upset and angry he was being so selfish as a man…I think it affected our love and communication all together. There was alot of resentment. He even began to say he regretted marrying a virgin, that as a virgin, I was sexually immature and inexperienced, all these hurtful words from me was too much.
And then, I noticed he was cheating…that heightened my anger towards him. I just could not believe my husband would do that to me. This further drove us apart. And then, the big blow was when he fathered a child with a common maid. I almost died…I wished I died…the pain of the betrayal was too much…everyone was talking about us…the embarrassment …..I left the house for two months…I wanted to divorce him.
The only thing that made me go back home was my children. I felt they did not deserve to loose their mother because of this. With alot of counselling and advice from many people, I decided to go back to my home. But that did not remove the disdain I felt for my husband. I felt pure h*tred for him. I never imagined I could ever allow him touch me or have s3x with him anymore cos all I could picture when I saw him was him with that maid.
I felt worthless and that I felt as a wife. I could not please my husband’s sexual desires so he had to go outside and then also have a bastard child outside. At some point in my anger, I wanted to revenge…I thought the best revenge was to go out and cheat too….but I was scared of cheating cos I have never cheated on anyone in my life. That was how I went into watching prn. So that I can get some tips, and I ended up becoming addicted to prn.
From the addiction, the courage to approach my laundry man, my generator guy, even dispatch riders. The point was, I was just lusting with revenge. It was not that I had feelings for the men, I felt dirty every time I had s3x with these men. And the more I did it, the more I wanted to. Maybe I just wanted to feel desired by other men cos my husband did not desire me but desired a f*cking dirty maid…so I wanted to be desired by all kinds of low class men as well.
This whole urge took over me…to the point where I did not care if I was exposed. And when my husband discovered …I did not even feel any thing. I felt empty….I have realized that I have gone too far….just like he went to far. And I think we no longer love each other. So, I told him if he wanted a divorce, that is fine by me. I am tired of holding on to a marriage where all I feel is h*te for my husband. I blame him for all these…and that is where the pain cannot let me heal. I just can’t keep blaming him.
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I feel like he opened the door for all our problems. And if I can ever heal, I don’t know. So, for anyone having issues of s3x with their wives, I think you need to seek help with communication before its too late. I have been in therapy for months now. My therapist has told me that I need time to heal…so, until that time comes…this is me, my truth and reality. I feel like a widow….like I lost my husband….the man who once loved and cared for me and shared everything with me. My best friend who was so proud of me and our family.
Now, if there is any hope for us…I don’t know….maybe ….Do I wish my husband to actually divorce me….not really…but how are we going to change back the hands of time because I feel….the mistakes of the past have become a permanent bone in our throat that we cannot swallow or spit out. If anyone wants to help: please pray for us and if anyone has been in our situation before and made it through…please share how you made it through…maybe we can apply your method as well. Thank you all for listening to us. May God keep you and your homes from the evil ones.
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