True Life Story: Why I Asked My Husband For A Divorce-Ongoing Story Part 3
Hello Lively Stones,
CLICK HERE AND HERE FOR MY HUSBAND’S SIDE OF THIS STORY
Thank you for sharing my husband’s story a few days ago. I knew at some point, I would also share my story to give everyone a chance to have a fair perspective. Some of you may not understand why I agreed to share our marriage problems on social media. The truth is, life can be complicated and sometimes, when you feel like you have lost everything you love or worked hard for, it does not really matter what you do, you just wish for some hope for restoration or some hope that someone will learn from your own mistakes.
So, my husband’s account of what is happening is out there on the blog but this is my own story: I met my husband a virgin. That may not mean much to most people but I grew up in a strict religious family, who made me believe that remaining a virgin until marriage is a great virtue that will ensure a successful marriage in future. My husband was proud that he married a virgin too…our whole lives were ahead of us…I
never expected that s3x would become a problem one day, after all…he married the best woman in the world: A WHOLE VIRGIN….never did I expect that he would want to have s3x with another woman after me…not to talk of, having a child outside of our marriage because he was having s3x outside. When he complained about not getting enough s3x from me, I was thinking he was being selfish because I was having children and sometimes, that is very difficult to always be in the mood for s3x when you are running around 3 children under the age of 5.
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I tried my best to be a good wife…I made sure I gave him s3x at least once or twice in a week. To him, that was not enough and to me, that was selfish…but that was the beginning of our issues. I was upset and angry he was being so selfish as a man…I think it affected our love and communication all together. There was alot of resentment. He even began to say he regretted marrying a virgin, that as a virgin, I was sexually immature and inexperienced, all these hurtful words from me was too much.
And then, I noticed he was cheating…that heightened my anger towards him. I just could not believe my husband would do that to me. This further drove us apart. And then, the big blow was when he fathered a child with a common maid. I almost died…I wished I died…the pain of the betrayal was too much…everyone was talking about us…the embarrassment …..I left the house for two months…I wanted to divorce him.
The only thing that made me go back home was my children. I felt they did not deserve to loose their mother because of this. With alot of counselling and advice from many people, I decided to go back to my home. But that did not remove the disdain I felt for my husband. I felt pure h*tred for him. I never imagined I could ever allow him touch me or have s3x with him anymore cos all I could picture when I saw him was him with that maid.
I felt worthless and that I felt as a wife. I could not please my husband’s sexual desires so he had to go outside and then also have a bastard child outside. At some point in my anger, I wanted to revenge…I thought the best revenge was to go out and cheat too….but I was scared of cheating cos I have never cheated on anyone in my life. That was how I went into watching prn. So that I can get some tips, and I ended up becoming addicted to prn.
From the addiction, the courage to approach my laundry man, my generator guy, even dispatch riders. The point was, I was just lusting with revenge. It was not that I had feelings for the men, I felt dirty every time I had s3x with these men. And the more I did it, the more I wanted to. Maybe I just wanted to feel desired by other men cos my husband did not desire me but desired a f*cking dirty maid…so I wanted to be desired by all kinds of low class men as well.
This whole urge took over me…to the point where I did not care if I was exposed. And when my husband discovered …I did not even feel any thing. I felt empty….I have realized that I have gone too far….just like he went to far. And I think we no longer love each other. So, I told him if he wanted a divorce, that is fine by me. I am tired of holding on to a marriage where all I feel is h*te for my husband. I blame him for all these…and that is where the pain cannot let me heal. I just can’t keep blaming him.
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I feel like he opened the door for all our problems. And if I can ever heal, I don’t know. So, for anyone having issues of s3x with their wives, I think you need to seek help with communication before its too late. I have been in therapy for months now. My therapist has told me that I need time to heal…so, until that time comes…this is me, my truth and reality. I feel like a widow….like I lost my husband….the man who once loved and cared for me and shared everything with me. My best friend who was so proud of me and our family.
Now, if there is any hope for us…I don’t know….maybe ….Do I wish my husband to actually divorce me….not really…but how are we going to change back the hands of time because I feel….the mistakes of the past have become a permanent bone in our throat that we cannot swallow or spit out. If anyone wants to help: please pray for us and if anyone has been in our situation before and made it through…please share how you made it through…maybe we can apply your method as well. Thank you all for listening to us. May God keep you and your homes from the evil ones.
Anonymous
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It’s very sad. May God heal you and your husband.
You don’t blame anyone for doing evil. That is not an excuse before God, not to talk of human beings.
You must get that right first. You really went far.
You need to go to your maker and ask for help. Only God can truly help and heal your home. Ask God to forgive you. Start an intimate relationship with God.
Then start to make things right with your husband by forgiving him and asking him to forgive you. Yes, you need his forgiveness as part of your healing process. God will touch him to forgive you.
You then start being his friend again.
It’s not going to be an easy journey, but with God on your side, your marriage will be healed.
Chaiii,this is so touching! Thank God you shared your own side of the story,now I truly understand what went wrong in your marriage.
All I can say is that God will intervene and restore peace in your home. It’s well
I think the issue here is forgiveness.
Learning to forgive and tolerate one another inspite of the pain we are going through.
You both grew up with different ideologies, to you being a virgin should means being priceless, to your husband, it is good but you still have to be good in bed.
Man: you married a virgin, that knows nothing about sex and how her body will respond to sex. She got pregnant maybe immediately after marriage and has to deal with kids, she even has three kids. All of these things are new to her: marriage, sex, childbearing and motherhood. You as the man should have understood better her point of view and helped her find sexual pleasure (because you have more experience in that area than her). Also did you help her with the children so she won’t be too stressed to have sex?
Woman: Yes you didn’t know how to satisfy your husband but did you seek for help, did you show a willingness to learn, did you see sex as a burden or something you both should enjoy?
I think both of you must learn forgiveness especially you the woman. You carried the burden of unforgiveness till it pushed you in another direction. You even began to hurt yourself and became very shameless.
Unforgiveness is a terrible spirit. It hunts you more that the person that wronged you. You must forgive for your own sake and sanity. Never let people’s bad habit make you do wrong. Instead of talking out and dealing with your pain, you hatched out a revenge which backfired
Now both of you are hurting together. Please can you forgive and let go. Can you heal your own wounds individual so you can heal up together?
Also communication. Talk it out. You may fight over disagreements but you must always communicate your feelings. Let each other know where you are hurting and how they can make amends.
I believe there is hope for you and your marriage can be healed. I think you both are better together than be separate but if you need some time off to heal, you could take a break. Maybe leave your children with your family and just go alone to an isolated area to rejuvenate. It may give you some calmness.
Do not divorce! Heal.
Dear Poster,
I see you want to heal… big plus…
Now, keep an open mind and read between the lines…
In life, people will surely offend you. No one can escape it.
The question is, how do you respond to it? The response is very crucial.
You considered revenge… what did you get?
More pain, emptiness, resentment, embarrassment, shame, addiction to sex, bitterness, and the list goes on and on…
It’s okay to be offended. The danger is in harbouring it… feeding your heart with it… check Proverbs 4:23
Take away: Stop blaming your husband. It feeds your heart with hate, fuelling seeds of revenge.
In handling your husband’s complain of not having enough sex, do you think you did well? Could you have done better?
Your excuse of children and mood swings, how did it play out in the process of your revenge?
The same sex you withheld from him, you gave it out at will, and to different men, and to some, you paid to keep it coming…
Take away:
#1 Revenge obscures your view (judgement). It pollutes your mind and prevents you from thinking straight.
#2 You and hubby need to work on your listening and communication.
#3 Discuss your sex life and make improvements were needed.
In your words…
“…He even began to say he regretted marrying a virgin, that as a virgin, I was sexually immature and inexperienced…”
Hubby, you probably know better… so rather than criticize and insult, teach her.
Madam, please be coachable… give it to him the way he likes it… e get why.
I applaud you for marrying as a virgin. However, it will NOT maintain your marriage or make you a good wife.
The did has been done but there’s still tomorrow…
The key to unlock your freedom is in releasing FORGIVENESS…
…not for him(hubby), but you, your future and that of the children.
To give yourself and children the best, you must be at your best.
Know this, FORGIVENESS is the ONLY antidote to offence in the heart, not therapy.
No one moves forward looking backwards….
If Gold must be Gold, it must go through a furnace.
This is a true test of your love for each other…
Now you know what it takes to overcome. Can you pull the trigger?
Remain blessed
You just kept blaming your husband for your adultery. You women hate accountability so much and love playing the victim, you just cant be accountable for your actions. You intentionally committed adultery. Your husband didn’t push you into it, you pushed yourself into it.
I hope you take responsibility for your actions. I wish you well.
You can make it.
Wow, can you see how clearly you typed you can get yourself back if you can narrate what happened this clearly. Well done.
A lot of men have to learn about responsibility in marriage, some get married expecting s.x all the time.
S.x is good but one is dealing with a human being, there is a place for self control, understanding one’s growing responsibilities, supportive role to play to keep the excitement in the bedroom alive and how fragile a woman’s emotions can be.
Women, our marriage counsellors need to drum into our ears how easily some man can be turned on and how to calm him down admist the seasons of life. We need to discuss these during courtship.
My dear, your husband is a good man at least he has a heart. You can only make a headway if you ask God to help you forgive, listen to messages on forgiveness, listen to worship, cry out to God to take away the bitterness, dwell on good thoughts and deliberately try to forgive. ( Husband keep saying you are sorry and mean it). Wife, when you recover, you will also apologise
“Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Pro 17:9
Forgive each other, just as Christ forgave you. If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, so forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Jesus said forgive seventy-seven times daily.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Both of you cry in each others arm, ask Gods forgiveness, ask each other’s forgiveness, don’t try to justify your actions .
May the Lord will wipe away tears from all faces, May He take away shame from your family, and beautify you with glory, Amen.
Wow, can you see how clearly you typed ? If you can narrate what happened this clearly, you can get yourself back.
You need to understand that no one is perfect.
A lot of men have to learn about responsibility in marriage, some get married expecting s.x all the time. S.x is good and couples can have lots of if but one has to realise they are dealing with a human being, there is a place for self control, understanding one’s growing responsibilities especially as children come along, supportive role to play to keep the excitement in the bedroom alive and how fragile a woman’s emotions can be. Love is not self seeking.
Women, our marriage counsellors need to drum into our ears how easily some man can be turned on and how to calm them down while taking care of all that needs taking care of. We need to discuss these during courtship.
My dear, your husband is a good man at least he has a heart. You can only make a headway if you ask God to help you forgive, listen to messages on forgiveness, listen to worship, cry out to God to take away the bitterness, dwell on good thoughts and deliberately try to forgive. ( Husband keep saying you are sorry and mean it). Wife, when you recover, you will also apologise.
‘Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.’ Pro 17:9
Jesus says forgive one person daily seventy-seven times.
Forgive each other, just as Christ forgave you. If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, so forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Jesus said forgive seventy-seven times daily.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
Both of you cry in each others arm, ask Gods forgiveness, ask each other’s forgiveness, don’t try to justify your actions .
May the Lord will wipe away tears from all faces, May He take away shame from your family, and beautify you with glory, Amen.