True Life Story: My Marriage Is Abusive And Toxic Yet I Cannot Leave My Wife-Pt 2
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My wife kept calling and calling but I refused to answer her. I think my mom talked her into suggesting that we both go for therapy and when she texted me about that, I agreed and came home….my wife begged me and we found a therapist in Lekki…a very professional and expensive one too. First, my wife barely made it to the therapy sessions. And when she came, she would argue and I think the therapist was more on her side cos she kept saying my wife is the way she is cos of her background.
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Yes, my wife is from a broken family ….where they all didn’t like each other…so I get it that she does not know how to show commitment in love except through s3x and jokes but I don’t think that will be enough for this marriage to work. The Therapist is advising I accept who my wife is and be patient not to try and change her but to encourage her to change by herself. I know much about therapy but is it not supposed to help people change their behaviour… why do I have to accept my wife’s behaviour until she changes….That will be too hard for me to do. But I promised to try.
And that is what I have been doing for the past one year…trying but I am getting tired…my wife has not changed…yes, I know I cannot change an adult and I know she is not perfect but she tried bite me several times….when she does not approve of what am saying…instead of slapping me….she smashes a glass cup….she said the therapist recommended that ….is that what my son will grow up to be?
Our son is now two years, thanks to my mom who is now leaving with us to look after the boy but my mom is also tired cos she does not like the way my wife treats me but my mom is never one to advise against anything in a marriage….my mom always advise me to be patient with my wife. My sisters are so upset that they don’t come to visit me. When they come, they don’t stay the night cos they can’t stand my wife.
Three months ago, I met someone, not planned at all…but she is a very pretty, classy and calm lady. She and I have been communicating on a business proposal for her company. I found myself looking forward to seeing her and talking to her. She makes me feel peaceful. She opened up that she is a divorcee…she left her abusive husband….no children from the marriage. Me and her started talking about the different ways spouses abuse their partners. She made me realize that I was condoning my wife to much and that there is a better way to live.
I am attracted to this lady…I can’t lie but its not really because of her…I think my eye has been opened to the fact that my wife cannot ever change…she is the way she is….broken from her background and broken people hurt people they love…hurt people hurt others….I got home to my wife….she was on the bed…I wanted to tell her its over…that I cannot do this anymore. My wife got other plans…we ended up having hot passionate s3x…my wife was wild….she was orgasming everywhere…squirting and that really turns me on.
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Two hours later…I told my wife that s3x is great but no longer enough for our marriage…she began to cry….she agreed that she was not good for me and our son…and that she is pregnant again…so she has decided to give me a divorce and get an abortion. She says she cannot be a mother without me in her life. I told her no need to get an abortion…cos my mom will take care of the children ….she said no…that the only way she will have the second child is if I remove divorce from the equation.
You see how my wife is now blackmailing me to remain with her in this abusive and toxic marriage? What should I do? Stick with her for the sake of my unborn child or let her get rid of the pregnancy? I told her I would sue her if she gets an abortion…she said she does not care….that she will go to prison if that is what it takes. My wife is crazy….a mad woman I swear…..what am I going to do about this? My mother said I should keep on trying…that love conquers all….my parents were married for 45 years now…I know my wife loves my mother, she calls her the mother she never had and that is why my mom has a soft spot for her.
I love my wife….I will do anything for her but I am not happy. Even the jokes are not funny anymore. Why is love not equating happiness? How do you love someone and not be happy with them? Its the abuse and toxic marriage…my wife says she is trying but I am not seeing that she is….she says I am comparing her with other women….maybe so…but why cant she be a little more like a calm wife, and stop throwing tantrums when things don’t go her way. Yes, she says I know she has a temper and she is working on it….how is smashing glasses working on her temper?
I am confused man….I am spending more time with this woman I am working with …I love how she makes me forget my problems at home…she has been wanting us to take our relationship to the next level….she tried to kiss me but I told her we can be friends….she is not happy I have friend zoned her but I look forward to going home everyday to have mad s3x with my wife….after the s3x…we don’t talk to each other…its like…we are both tired of talking….we do better at f*cking….s3x is the only language we both communicate well….I think I am beginning to loose my mind….I need help….I don’t know what else to do.
Anonymous
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Sir i need you to sit yourself down and check with the bible….try and give yourself a retreat to sit and listen from God hear messages……..you see God has ways different from our understanding…remember God hates divorce he doesnt say people can stay away…..tell her to give you sometime like three months where u call send money home but u go on retreat….my advise is LET GO AND LET GOD…..it may sound crude i believe it works only make sure Jesus christ is invited thats all
Inasmuch as your wife is bad to a certain level, she has her good sides too! You too, work on yourself, the woman outside is good now, making you compare her with your wife! Making you feel she’s better! No one is better for you here except your wife! The grass is not greener over there oo! Come back to your Wife with your whole heart! If the other woman was that good, why is she divorced? Why did her husband always beat her? Why is she trying so hard to be intimate with you? Why you? Do not allow the devil come into your marriage! Tell yourself I must make this marriage work!
Above all, have you prayed and asked God for wisdom, knowledge and understanding for this marriage? You need God! You need the originator of marriage to come in specially! Nothing impossible with God!
Hmmm!
You know everything and don’t need further advice.
“Hurt people,hurt others.” It’s not enough to know something, it matters what you do with what you know.
You will soon be damaged. Your son may soon get damaged and turn out to be like his mum.
The question is ,what are you afraid of? What scares you the most when the thought of your wife leaving comes to mind?
You have been mentioning divorce and as long as madam hasn’t seen a divorce paper, you are a joker.
What is keeping you in the sad state and marriage?
You won’t have been here in the first place if you had thought about your happiness and think through the key important things other than sex and jokes.
Sex and jokes aren’t all what marriages build on. Communication, respect, love, understanding, support, etcetera, are key factors in marriage required to build a happy and lasting marriage.
You walked into this abusive marriage by choice.
Until you set your priority right, you won’t escape from this abuse. Your wife knows your weaknesses and she is not just abusive but a manipulator. She is using them well against you even manipulating your mum too. If your child was of age, she will use him to manipulate you too.
Can you predict the day her violence will take a life?
Do you know the day she will loose it and attack either you, your mum or son?
She gave you conditions so you will remain with her. She is scared of loosing you but if you aren’t scared of loosing your life or that of anyone, having damaged family members than you are scared of missing her passionate sex then you are ready to be damaged.
Since her jokes aren’t funny anymore, your happiness is leaving you. She is winning over. You will soon loose your strength to fight for a better home and marriage.
I will advice that you get a new therapist.
Separate from her while she sort herself out.
Let her know that you need her to fix herself or forget about you. If she decides to abort the child, that’d her cup of tea. You can’t stop her if she wishes to instead of staying more and getting distracted by her schemes.
While she is pregnant will she ever agree to go for therapy? I doubt.
If you must separate, your mum must return to her house to avoid her getting hurt or persuading you further to manage your wife.
Keep praying for her and a change in her character and mindset.
Please, stop giving the other woman any green light. End that closeness and focus on the projects. Avoid whatever will breed emotions and feelings for relationship.
The woman wants a man and she will do anything to break yours so she will be with you. If you decide to separate, endeavour to avoid that woman.
She knows you are married and she is looking for a kiss and another level. What kind of joke is that? She isn’t saying why she left her marriage yet. With this attitude, I suspect her.
Your marriage will work, but you need to be alive, heal and think right. Your wife needs something that will reset her. She is manipulative because that’s how she survived in her family and feels she can control things and people with what she have.
She needs to learn, unlearn and relearn all she knows about marriage, relationship, love and Parenting.
Join some good relationship, marriage and Parenting groups, I can suggest some though. Seek counsellor’s help and still continue with your therapy but with another therapist.
Your knees should be on the ground in prayers. Invite Jesus in your family if you are a Christian and watch him set things right.
All the best.
Be a little more patient with her,keep encouraging her,keep watching,give her sometime please,your marriage is just 3years.
Do you pray as family? Prayer works too, family that pray together stay together,when you pray everyday,there is this bond, closeness,true communication that comes with it.
It also seem you never dated her for long,if not,you would have found out about her behaviour earlier before now
It’s well bro
A toxic & abusive marriage is corrosive to get over easily even with help of a therapist. Go back memory lane when you guys were dating, what did you love about her apart from her funny & rude sex style? You can makes these relationship works without divorcing her, these your special wife can’t cheat on you no matter what. Harness some likeable affection on her by praying small and buy her gifts to ignite some emotional bonding of your new relationship. Forget about the new lady and learn to tame & love your woman wife. Be excited about your unborn child and stay in these special marriage. God bless you.
Yuddy u nailed it better,u have said everything that needs to be said.thank u
Sir pls for the seek of your unborn child tolerate your wife and work things out with her,what if the angel you think you are seeing in the other woman turn to be contrary, our patient tolerate most of their partner excesses because of we their childrwn,we can still do same.Of a true your wife is not doing well own her part but manage sir.
I smiled when I saw where you wrote that your wife is a feminist I even smiled more when you said , you are a feminist. Bro, you are a simp, an effiminate man, a man that worships women, men like you are quick to bash other men when women accuse them of domestic violence, but see yourself, you didnt just slap back your wife, you actually beat her, you can see why men like you dont get rated among masculine men.
I laugh when I see men call themselves feminists, what exactly is wrong with you bro? what really? Your wife knows you are weak and emasculated, its why she does all those nonsense to you, she don see you finish, I can imagine how you discuss on issues of women empowerment, feminsim,and the likes and how you support women and bash men, I know men like you, una plenty fro twitter. My man, women dont respect men that overrate them, but they respect men that dont overrate them. Women will always punish weak men, women will always exploit weak men, you yourself can see it yourself. You were pedestalizing her, so she knew she could manipulate you with sex, and the likes. She even slapped you a second time, after you left her not to hit her, bro, you are a simp, big simp. When we tell men like you female nature, you call us misogynists, women haters, because men like you see women as saints, angels, can do no evil until they do something so bad, you then go on hating women, lol.
Your wife is an irresponsible woman, all those commenters telling you, to be patient are only being emotional and not logical, I can guess they are women too, maybe feminists. My bro, if you dont rise up like a man, she may end up killing you, and the world will not cease because of you. You can see im not really talking about your feminist wife because, you are the one that allowed you. The thing is, women are very manipulative, and love palying the victim, and once a man knows female nature, women kniow such men will not take their nonsense. You are the problem bro. Even the therapy you went for, you said the therapist is a woman, and look at the funny thing she told you, you can see women are not logical at all. These feminists are a bunch of bitter, hateful women.
As for the other lady, please, leave her ad forget about her. Your wife knows you are a weak. Bro, your wife may kill you if you stay with her, you definitely dont female nature. Leaver her alone, she is not a respinsible woman. Go read masculine books and books and female nature, like the manipulated man by Esther Vilar, search it on pdfdrive
You are warned. I wish you well
Oga, you have just one life on earth, leave that abusive marriage with your son. It is only God that fixes broken vissel. Let your wife find Jesus for herself.
You need to leave for the sake of your sanity.
Y’all advising the man to try hard, for how long?
If tables were turned you will advise the woman to leave the abusive husband.
Oga, pls take your son and leave. As for the unborn, if she decides to keep it, fine but if not, move on.
Stop having sex with her, that’s her weapon over you.
Don’t let her stab you in your sleep.
Leave so that you can live for your son.