My Husband Betrayed Me But His Mother Is Behind Everything He Does-Pls Advise
Hello, house,
What will you do if you are in my situation? I have been married for three years but I think I want a divorce. My husband and his mother deceived me into this marriage. I met my husband Mathew (not real name) through a church member. This member is someone I used to go for advice. She is like a woman leader in our church.
One of the things we used to do is confide in her when am having relationship issues. That year, I had been in two relationships and I got my heart broken by these two men who were in church too. I was 36 years then. I felt so bad that I was over 30 and no serious man wanted to marry me, they just wanted S**….even the married men some in church came for me.
So this woman leader one day called me and told me she has a friend, whose son is looking for a wife. That she wants to tell her about me. I was like, how cant the son find a wife for himself. She then told me that the son is a sickler and that most girls are running away from him cos of that.
My woman leader told me that the family is rich and they will take care of me, I should just give them two children. I asked, what if the children are sicklers, they told me that once I get pregnant, they will do a test before the pregnancy is 3 months and determine if the child will be sickler. If sickler, the pregnancy will be terminated before it gets to 4 months.
I told her I would pray about it. I also wanted to meet the son. I met Mathew and he did not look like a sickler except you look carefully. He seemed very fine except for some of his features. We got talking, he told me about his life…growing up and how he has managed his life up to this point.
Mathew spends most of his time abroad to access medical care and so, managing his health has been a easier. But his mother, a big business guru wants him to get married and have grandchildren for him. They were three, he lost his brother to sickle cell while the only sister is abroad studying and refusing to get married. Their father abandoned them when they were very small cos of the constant falling sick.
Well, after like three months of knowing Mathew and his mother, I fell in love with Mathew and they really did everything to calm any fear I had about marrying a sickler. Our wedding was called a testimony cos I got married at age 36. My family was happy for me even though I told no one of Mathew’s condition.
After marriage, the pressure to get pregnant started immediately. All me and my husband were doing for one month after marriage was having S**. Well, it didn’t happen in one month, two months or six months, or even one year. It’s been three years and I have not been pregnant. I have done all kinds of tests and I have been assured that I am medically ok. Yet, Mathew’s mother is becoming a big torn in my flesh.
My mother-in-law is making it look like we entered a business deal and if I don’t fulfill my end of the deal by giving them children, the deal is over. I know what I signed up for but I never knew getting pregnant would be difficult for me. I love my husband a lot. He is a kind and understanding man but he is also under his mother’s control and anything she says is final.
My husband wants to make his mother happy at all costs. My husband then suggested that we start trying IVF, we did. The pregnancies did not stay more than a month. I lost three pregnancies trying to conceive via IVF. Next thing, Mathew’s mother starts to say things like oh they made a mistake by marrying me cos I am too old to bear children. Didn’t she know my age before her son married me?
I feel very bad and frustrated. I really want a child for my husband but I cannot manufacture one…can I? A few months ago, my mother-in-law convinced her son to contract an illegal baby-making factory. For Mathew to enter into a contract with one of their women, get her pregnant and she will carry the pregnancy and give us the baby at birth. I refused and told him lets do it the proper way. lets get a registered surrogate.
Unfortunately, surrogacy still requires some form of IVF involved. There was an issue with my eggs. And that was a problem for me. Then in my desperation, I agreed to let Mathew do the surrogacy with the person’s eggs. So my eggs will not be involved. I cried myself to almost dying but Mathew kept reassuring me that it’s our baby…whether or not my own eggs were involved or not.
I put my faith in God and tried not to get jealous. Mathew would go spend time with the surrogate and it was like four months after that that the lady took in. We kept her close to watch her and she gave birth to a daughter for us last November. The baby brought so much joy to us and we are grateful to God. We finally have our child and I have been so happy while praying to God to give me my own biological child.
Two months ago, our perfect world began to shatter. I found out that Mathew was seeing this surrogate woman secretly.I found out that he got her an apartment. Bought her a car and is sleeping with her. Mathew promised me…he assured me this woman coming into our lives would not break up but everything I found out about him seeing the woman is true.
I confronted him and he said he wants a second child from the woman so both our children would be from the same genes. I told him the agreement was only one child with surrogacy….our next child would be from me…Mathew said his mother insisted. Now, I am sharing my husband with our surrogate. He maintains her and sleeps with her….but I am fed up.
Mathew my husband loves me but his mother tells him what to do and if the mother tells him to divorce me and marry the surrogate…I am pretty sure he will…after all…I didn’t bear him a child yet. The thought of this happening is weighing me down and I think its best for me to start thinking of leaving this marriage.
I told my woman leader that introduced us and she says I should not leave the marriage, that I should stay and pray. Wait and pray…I am tired of waiting for the inevitable…my husband loves me but he sleeps more with the other woman. Maybe it’s not God’s will for me to have my child so why remain in a marriage that was built around with terms and conditions of children.
My life is miserable and lonely. I am now almost 40 years…married but childless and unhappy. I went to a function last week. I met some man who was flirting with me. We exchanged nos and he has tried to reach out to me but I keep ignoring him. But I have said to myself…is this God’s sign of telling me that I can find love outside? So, I don’t keep my eggs in one basket and kicked out later on… Maybe leave this marriage arrangement and go find someone who will truly love me for me?
Please advise me…I feel betrayed by my husband and his mother…after all, I married the son when no one else wanted to marry him…I am at my wit’s end…
Anonymous
Photo Credit:movie(When The Bough Breaks)
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Hello Sister. I will be very honest with you
First, that woman leader you talked about, she is a foolish woman not worth calling women leader in church, she told you the family is rich, just give them two babies and you too went along, she even advised you to do abortion if the test shows a baby is a sickler, no no she is really a stupid woman.
You said “I know what I signed up for but I never knew getting pregnant would be difficult for me”, yes you knew then why did you go along and later complain. My dear Sister, marriage is a choice,it is not an achievement and will never be an achievement, delay is not denial.
Your husband played you, and I wont be surprised if that so called women leader was paid money or enjoys some kind of favor your mother inlaw so she can convince you, maybe she knows you are the simple type that can be easily manipulated.
I’m sure there is more to it which you don’t know, and that man you met, pls forget him, if he knows you are married why then is he chasing you.
My advise is your happiness is in your hands dear Sister, I tell people your happiness is in your hands, don’t be surprised your husband can say he wants a divorce, you already said his mum can say it and truly such mothers can do it, so just be alert Sister, BE AT ALERT. Make yourself happy, I really pity your husband, he is destroying his soul, he is a greedy man, he really deceived you, can you pls do yourself a favor, stop relating with that so called women leader, if you can leave that church sef, pls do. Im really concerned about you Sister, pls be strong ok, don’t allow anyone to manipulate you, people these days are very wicked and greedy and won’t care about using you to get their wicked desires done. Also I don’t preach trust, I only preach love, you said you husband loves you…hmm, he will buy you things show you understanding to deceive you, I doubt your husband loves you, he does not love you, sleeping with another woman, yet he tries to make you understand. He is a wicked man. I love you Sister. GOD bless you.
You said your life is miserable and lonely. No it is not, make yourself happy Sister, just decide to be happy. Decide to be happy, it is a choice. Look into the mirror daily and speak good and positive words to yourself, say is Sister, I bet you, you will thank me later, I do this everyday, that’s why I tell people happiness is a choice. GOD bless you and once again.
Hello sister please be happy with yourself,this world is full of wickedness and betrayal,also be fervent in prayer.
So sorry sister for whats happening to you. It’s a pity that your marriage was built on a foundation of lies with terms and conditions, please make yourself happy by being intentional, also have a backup plan because I don’t see a good future for you in that marriage. If you aren’t valued because of your ‘inability to have children yet’ then i believe that you should leave and find happiness elsewhere.
His mother is in charge okay,and she will forever remain in her son’s life and affair,monitoring every damn thing. For me,I am not gonna be sentimental here,it is not bad to find another man at your age,you are young and beautiful,don’t allow anyone control your life,your husband and family. What is the assurance that your child /children will live long after giving birth to them. Medically, it is not advisable to marry a sickle cell patient and yet him mama dey do guy. If he is still seeing the surrogate that means there is a problem oooo,get a man that will love you,cherish you,admire and adore you instead of being in a place where you are not valued, recognised. Are they doing you a favour or what? God bless you jare
Hmm..I really felt bad reading ur story, u need to move on with ur life is not d end of the world.. The mistake u did was DAT once u have known dat Matthew mother was in charge of his son life u should v step back in marrying him. I usually tell ppl once d mother in law those not accept me, it shows am not welcome in that house or when I observe d connection bwt d son n his mother I step back.. U rust into d marriage bcos of ur age u nv did proper check up.. I think is best ur Leave d marriage BCos the mother in law who supposed to be ur back bone is even the one putting fire in d whole situations,ur happiness matters a lot to u .God has a way of doing his things I bet u ,u would see s1 better dan Matthew ,just move closer to God n be prayerful n things will change for the best for u… U deserve s1 who will cherish u n appreciate u for who ur.. My dear sis u need to be stronger in ur faith n put everything in Gods hand! Marriage is all about happiness u need to find urself DAT happiness n stop be depressed in dat contract u called marriage God will direct ur part to make d right decisions.stay blessed….
If you wish to divorce, go ahead but don’t flirt arround. Just pray and trust God for a better man. Even at your age, God can still give you a man
Your happiness matter in this life
This is my personal opinion honestly Go with this new guy if you have a child with him well and good you will have someone whose your own flesh and blood sadly your now the married side dish woman up you only live once if you fail to get pregnant by this new guy go adopt a child its better to be single and happy than married and putting up an act
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