True Life Story: First It Was The Father But Now I Can’t Control My Feelings For The Son-Pt 2
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Hi Lively Stones,
I have pondered and pondered upon the loads of advise and opinions on my story, my relationship with Charles Jnr. I have not been able to sleep a wink. I took the majority advise shared which was that I should open up and talk to Charles Jnr. Several times for the last three days, I have walked into his office….tried to open my mouth to say something but nothing came out. I was so scared of speaking to Charles Jnr.
Eventually, he noticed that I was coming and asking silly questions …so he had to ask me: if everything was alright. I stammered and said yes but that I wanted to talk to him about what he told me before he travelled for Summer. He was like…what did we discuss….I realized he was not going to make it easy for me…I said…the fact that you told me at the management team hangout that you have feelings for me…I want to discuss it with you.
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Charles Jnr immediately responded by saying: forget about what I said, I was out of line. Please forget about it. I stood there like someone struck by thunder. I told him…please don’t forget about it…I have feelings for you and I want to talk about it. At first, he acted like he didnt understand me but when he finally did…he sat down and heaved a very loud sigh. I was like…can we talk about it….he was like: are you sure…I said yes…so he said we should meet after close of work.
Throughout the rest of day…my heart was beating so fast….thinking of how I would spill the fact that I am in love with CJ and I had a brief affair with his dad. I was nervous but hopeful. After work, he sent me a text of the restaurant to meet with him. We met in a lovely restaurant, we ordered…had some food and it was time to start talking. I started talking and at the same time, crying and shaking as I spoke…I told him everything from the beginning to the end. CJ was just staring blankly into space as I spoke.
I had to ask him if he was following as I spoke. He would just nod. After I spilled my guts and told him everything. He held his head for like a very long couple of minutes. And then he raised his head up and said…thank you for telling me all of this. And I am sorry for what happened with my dad but my dad is not a rpist and I will not sit here and listen to you call my dad a rpist. I was in shock….I could not speak…
The only thing I said was….you can ask your dad but I told you all of these because I wanted you to know why I was afraid to go out with you…I have feelings for you but the situation with your dad is something I have to discuss first with you. He shook his head again and said, its ok…the situation with my dad is something I cannot accept. If you said you dated my dad or had an affair with him…I can accept that but to accuse my dad of r*pe…that I cannot accept.
At this point…I tried explaining to him that I am not accusing the dad but his dad tried to assault me sexually. CJ was confused…he was like…so you are lying….I said no…I am not lying but I am not going to accuse your dad or take him to court for assault. As soon I mentioned court….CJ expressed surprise and said…please I think we should end this discussion right now…I tried to explain…the more I tried…the more I messed up…I think CJ was afraid that I was going to accuse his dad of r*pe but that is not what am saying.
Am saying…yes…his dad tried to r*pe me….yes…but am not going to press any charges. CJ got up and said he has paid for the food we had and said to me, have a good night Miss. I sat there crying like a fool. Here I was, trying to explain my feelings for a man and he was just busy dumping me even before we started. Here I was…trying to pour out my heart but finally nailing the coffin. I ended up complicating things. I somehow found the courage to get up….go to the ladies and clean my face and then found the courage to leave the restaurant after.
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On my way home, I tried to call CJ all through but I realized he had blocked me. I felt so ashamed. But what did I do wrong? Is it because I mentioned that his father tried to r*pe me? I am not lying. I swear to God I am not….and I have no intention of accusing his dad wrongly. I don’t know how to go to work the next day but after I cried and wet my pillow with a flood of tears that night….I went to work and discovered CJ did not come to work. I left the office around 12pm. Since, I have been sitting on my bed..just wondering,…what went wrong….how did my plan to win CJ just turn into ashes? Why did CJ defend his dad so vehemently….
Why did CJ walk out on me…is he thinking if we date, and maybe it don’t work out…I might accuse him of r*pe. I am literally confused and the only thing in my mind right now is to turn in my resignation letter on Monday. I don’t know how to ask you guys for advise anymore because I took the advise and see how everything turned out. I am so sad.
Anonymous
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Dear poster,my advise was not one of those you took,you took other people’s own.
In my advise,I said you should forget about him and concentrate on your job,I even blamed you for telling him you don’t mix work with friendship or relationship.
Anyways,this is not a big deal. Forget about him jare,don’t resign, keep doing your work because you’re one of the best in your office but you need to have a plan B, Charles might tell his father about the rape allegation and they might decide to fire you. It is defamation of character and you might be sued for it,you guys are matured and above 18,you actually tried to date his dad but the only difference is that you never had sex with him according to you ooooo. So how come he tried to rape you? Well,I wasn’t there.
Put in your CVs else where but don’t resign,your husband will come,a man that will cherish,love and care for you.
Charles is after 2,he has two children already, a widower whose wife died of cancer and you don’t even know how come sef,abeg dem no dey beg shit to smell. Breathe and don’t suffocate yourself my beautiful poster,bullshit the guy jare,don’t cry again oooo . Put yourself together and be a super woman that you are.
You’re loved my princess!
You are brave. It’s ok to be vulnerable emotionally sometimes, you cannot know until you try.
You have told him about the brief meals etc you had with his dad. From what you have now described it seems there was no s.x involved which is good.
It’s ok, from the 2nd part of the story, you did not put his Dad down while explaining what happened, it was just too much for the Son to take in. He seems like someone who has also caged his emotions and a bit insecure too to avoid being hurt. Someone like him might need a trusted good well meaning male friend he has come a long way with to help him understand ie. understand the brief friendship between yourself and his father (not the attempted rape part) ( but he may not even like anyone else knowing about his father in this light so let’s not complicate things further). A lot of people put up their defences when it comes to their family and that is what happened here, he doesn’t know you well enough, etc. and he doesn’t fully trust your intentions yet but you clearly explained you were not trying to press charges and you just wanted him to understand where you were coming from etc. it’s ok, don’t bear yourself up ok.
Now, don’t cry at work. Just try to focus on your job and relate with him professionally as you did initially when you have to. Let’s not bother ourselves about him whether he will see things from your perspective or not, if he doesn’t it’s ok, the best will come.
Have a plan B for work, whatever happens … no litigation please, let’s give love a chance if it will.
Keep dressing nice, doing what you love, stay close to God and let things settle.
Much later if you feel up to it, you may send him a card with a little note… ‘I just wanted to give love a chance by letting you know why I put up my defences initially that’s all… ‘ something like that. If he doesn’t come around it’s ok. If you find you can’t concentrate maybe take some holiday, see if you can transfer to another branch or get another job.
You will be fine ok. Alright ? Smile dear.
Dear Lady,
You did well in sharing your experience with Charles Jr.
Doing the right thing never promised to be smooth and working in your own terms or desires.
What you spilled was too much for him to gulp in. Every son that loves and trust the dad will act the same. Besidesz you don’t know his own journey or experience before now.
Sharing the rape part should have come another day or said differently.
You can say when you changed your use of words, he said you were lying cos rape is heavy. A man you gave consent to and were dating, he told you what he wanted and his uncontrollable urge would make such move. Like he said, if you dating him is different and if you said he made some moves for sex which you turned down, it’s different.
Saying everything isn’t bad but how and words used to communicate it could be.
At the junction, against hope and realities, you’ve hit the wrong button which might hit you back.
Make plan B for escape but DO NOT RESIGN.
Keep Charles Jr out of your heart and focus on delivering your job. Remove fears. Work and work professionally with him and everyone in that office.
If you feel like reaching out to apologize for your use of words and how the story made him feel, fine. You can do so.( I don’t subscribe to it though)
In case you are invited to defend your claim before the father be wise, smart, bold and kind with your words. Don’t sow seeds of discord because no man will even be able that his dad has an eye on you before he married you talkless that your relationship with him hurts his dad.
Charles Jr case is difficult to win over.
Your work first. Your job now. Your career more and always.
Keep your feelings buried and put your head up.
I think you need to accept the fact that you are beautiful, intelligent, brave and strong. Any good man will want you.
The best will be yours in the end.
All the best.
CJ has done the right thing. It shows he is a disciplined man. A woman who was almost involved with his father, if he gets involved with such woman… It is just a matter of time before things gets messy. Dear poster, do not tender a resignation, focus on your job. That phase wasn’t successful, close that chapter.