True Life Story: Getting Married Is In A Few Hours But I Am About To Have A Heart Attack
Dear Lively Stones,
Please keep me anonymous. I never thought I would be one of those people who seek advice from complete strangers but here I am. I am a 34 year old strong and independent woman. Its almost mid night where I am, I am about to have a heart attack. Why….because, I am supposed to be getting married in the morning. I had a very rough upbringing, family was broken and I was left to fend for myself at a very young age. Along the way, I picked up some bad vices. I have done everything criminal that young people can do: I have stolen, smoked weed, prostituted, had several abortions, cheated, etc.
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No one believed I would make anything of my life but when I witnessed my best friend murdered in front of me, I had a flashing moment, I realized, I did not want to die despite how hard my life was. So, I decided to go into playing football cos I used to play ball as a child in the streets, I had some talent too. It was during my football playing, I earned a little, so I would go to school at night.
However, I had a lesbian lover…one of the footballers. I felt loved for the first time in my life. I knew it was wrong but I was a messed up kid no one wanted, so to feel wanted by a human being was a feeling I could not say no to. I got a job as a sports coach and then radio sports analyst which I do now as a career. I do not want to get married or have children because I do not want to bring in any child into this world. I feel rage that I was brought into this world and the people who gave birth to me, never gave a sh*t about me.
I have been through so much…I only made it by a stroke of luck. I still struggle with smoking and drinking. I have been in a few relationships but never did any get so serious. Right now, I am in the most serious relationship ever. Its been 3 years. Its been good, infact so good…the first guy I actually fell in love with apart from my lesbian lover. The problem is, he wants to get married to me….I have rejected him twice…broken up with him 3 times…yet he does not want to give up.
Ken, my boyfriend of 3 years is an amazing soul. When I told him a little from my past, he thought it was his mission to save me. Hahaha….I am too broken to be saved…and I have accepted this is the story of my life. But Ken has stood by me….refusing to go. So we made a deal…I will accept his marriage proposal but I am never having children. Ken tried to convince me that I will change my mind after a while….I know myself, I wont. He said ok….lets leave it in God’s hands….
God’s hands? I dont rock with that sh*t….God, if there is one, has been absent in my life for a long time. Tomorrow, July 1st is our wedding. Nothing much, just me, Ken and our small group of friends at the court tomorrow morning. But here I am, almost having a panic attack, a few hours to the wedding….my guts telling me to run away….but my love for Ken holding me down.
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I am scared…by the time some of you are reading this….I may be married…or not….I have broken this wonderful man’s heart twice before….if I ran away….he will h*te me for life….but right now, my whole body is shaking. I have been smoking weed all day…just to get rid of my anxiety. Its not even helping. For the first time, weed cant even help me feel better. I feel like my chest is about to burst. What am I doing? Will I be ok? Will this marriage thing be ok? Or will I be the one to mess things up for ken.
How do married people do sh*t….how do I raise a child that will turn up like me…how long will Ken wait for me to change my mind about having a child? Will he cheat on me to have a child? Will the child be like me? Am sure all the babies I aborted wont even let me be a mother even if I tried. Will the marriage even make it? ken never even knew about my lesbian past…I never told him…but if I did…will that change anything? I feel like Ken does not know certain parts of my past…if he did….will he still want me?
I don’t know what I am doing right now….I just need your advise….
Anonymous
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You have so much what if’s . In actually fact you can’t plan or have control over anything. Things will always happen, people marry, give birth, die, get sick etc. All of these are not always planned. But you can’t live your life on so much restrictions and fear of the future.
Take a deep breath and let go for once .
Ken loves you and will continue to love you inspite all. Can you please give this relationship a chance, you never know what will be except you try.
Try, and keep trying, there will be challenges along the way but you must learn to trust the process. Choose to be loved by Ken. Don’t hide or run away, enjoy every bit of it.
Life is in phases and there is nothing that you can’t learn from, even your past and future.
There won’t be any need going into the marriage,please run away
It’s better you break up with him than being divorced,e get why.
Don’t waste Ken’s time, you aren’t ready to have children sef,so what is the need?
Quit smoking, drinking and lesbianism,may the Lord be your strength,amen.
I believe by the time you are reading this,you will be married and Mrs Ken.
Dear poster, you are deserving of love and worthy of living and enjoying life.
You were only a victim of circumstance and being alive till date and even having success in life were God’s doings.
Take a deep breath. Look inwards and find the courage to be a wife and a good companion to Ken first.
The street life and experience you had in the past don’t define your person or future. You are the driver of your life. You’ve come of age to decide to let go of what shouldn’t be in your life and accept what should remain.
Ken, love, change for good and positivity should remain in your life. Work on making them stay in your life and your marriage working out.
We learn everything in this life. Open your spirit to reciprocate that love because you can. Ken not giving is God not giving up on you.
Embrace God and give your life to God to make something beautiful and colourful out of it.
Quit smoking, meeting your lover and turn a new leaf, you can make it happen and the love for Ken will inspire you to do it.
Beyond building a home, reciprocating Ken’s love and starting a fresh life, you deserve to be happy, healthy and enjoy good life, relationship and home.
Build a happy home for your kids which you never had
What you fear won’t happen. But take it one step at a time. Have an open spirit and let love and God lead your life , home and future.
Remember, you deserve love and a better life. You can make it happen for others too. God wants to tell a story and change someone’s life through you.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
I believed you pushed through and you are married.
Circumstances of life isn’t a best definer of our future.
You are teaching because you want a new beginning.
Embrace it and enjoy it.
The same way you worked out your life from street to the great personality, so you can handle this and build a home and happiness you never had whole growing up.
You are deserving of love and a better lifestyle.
Don’t let devil rub you this opportunity.
Trust and embrace God. He has always being here but you didn’t know. Get closer to him. He makes things easier, sweeter and beautiful.
I know you will make a better wife and mom but take it a step at a time.
Let go of old lifestyles and connections that take you back to such life.
Love Ken as he has loved you.
Only God can change a man’s life. Talk to him and he will do it for you.
Congratulations!
Babe calm down,God is in control let God have his way in your life and he will fix you soon as you can imagine,please don’t run away
Comment:please donot leave him and find God he will help nothing is too hard for him