True Life Story: My Husband Is Not The Same Man I Fell In Love With
Hello Lively Stones, happy new month.
My husband is not the same man I fell in love with.
My husband changed totally after wedding day, in fact, it started on the wedding night and its giving me a lot of concern.
It’s not that he is not talking to me or we are fighting, but he is not the cheerful happy person anymore.
After months of trying to get what the problem is, he finally opened up to me and I don’t know what my fault is, I think he is overreacting.
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My husband works in an insurance company and he is just a junior staff, he earns 150k per month, so he is not doing that bad.
When we wanted to get married, my dad wrote the wedding list and everything he would bring, when he saw them, he fumed that they were too much and they should reduce it but my dad insisted that he won’t collect it twice, I also told him if he really loves me, he would provide them, he could get help from his family too, it is called bride price and other things, and it is once.
We had little issue then but he later resolved it.
He brought everything they ask him for
During the wedding, my parents told him to buy a cow, rent a hall and decorate it then they’ll take care of other things. He said he didn’t have money for a big hall and he would prefer a field ground but my dad insisted that rain could disrupt things and he has many people coming.
That almost cause issues too, I had to support him with 50k to get the hall because I know who my dad is, he won’t back out.
I didn’t know how he did it, he took the hall and designed it, he bought cow too.
His family brought food and everything went fine and that was it.
I don’t know what was keeping him moody until he spoke up.
He said I couldn’t fight for him, I was there supporting my parents and watch them extorting him, did I even know he had to collect loan to pay for those things?
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I got angry because he used the word ‘extorting’.
He was the one that wanted to have my hand in marriage and if he cherish me, he should do all they wanted since he is not paying twice.
After I said this, he stopped talking in the house, he comes home, eat and go to bed.
I tried talking to him but he would listen but not talk, he is cold to himself and prefer his privacy.
Have I said something wrong?
I don’t like whats happening. My marriage is too young to be going through all these.
I am tired, I don’t know what to do.
Anonymous
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All he needs at this point is encouragement. Let him know you deserve way more than he spent on your wedding but you will support him moving forward and all loans will be paid back.
He is just a human that needs encouragement. Probably he doesn’t feel comfortable owing. Some people are just like that.
Let him know he hasn’t married a liability but an asset that will support him in every ramifications. If you are not working, get a job and support your husband financially then you will see all the smile resurface.
Show interest in the loan, ask the amount, what he needs to pay monthly, duration of payment and all.
Marriage is partnership, so partake in every challenging situations.
This is coming from a woman who knows the benefits of having a good home.
Dear wifey,you should have stood your ground to tell your parents to reduce whatever it’s they asked your husband to pay.
He had to borrow,why? You only supported him with just 50k,nawaoooo,yet your people asked him to get a big cow and a befitting hall on top of 150k salary,haaaaaaa! You have suffocated him nne,he needs to breeeeeeeeeeeeth from the stress he has gone through with your family lately.
This silent attitude of his can be disturbing and killing oooo,you need to use your power as the woman of the house to make him happy oooo,if you know you know,do something because e get why.
It’s well,you can help him a little with the loan he collected for the wedding, atleast that will ease the burden on him a little.
Udo dirigi
Dear newest wife, you did everything wrong by thinking that your value is in the pride price. I guessed you wanted a show off wedding. Now that wedding ceremony is over, you really to apologize to him and promise to be a supportive wife. In this Nigeria 150k is not really a good salary. In your post you seems not to really care about your husband. One of the things you should so now is to help him pay off whatever debt yes owing. You didn’t try at all and that tells him your family is more important than him. Meanwhile don’t let your parents always have their way with your husband, sometimes defend him, support him and praise him before them… But you really need to beg and prove to him that you’ll be a supportive and understanding wife.
That’s a mindset you need to address.
You’re both the price, not just you. I don’t know how old you are but I suspect less than 25 years. Don’t take advantage of the value he’s placed on you. There’s 99.9% possibility that you carried over your “if you cherished me, you’ll do this” mindset beyond the wedding preparation and into your marriage. I wonder if there isn’t a part of the story that left him with no choice but to go ahead with the wedding. Personally, a character like your dad can’t be my inlaw. No offense intended. You keep saying “if he wanted your hand in marriage,” but what about you? Didn’t you want his hand in marriage too? What about his own needs? After all that, you still want a cheerful husband “cherishing” you and just 24 hours grateful that he was lucky to marry you.
I understand the guy, but he needs to shoulder the burden and move forward. That’s our plight in this life, something characters like you don’t appreciate. The wedding is over and he needs to have a deep talk with you so that you both can grow together and move into a different phase in your relationship. Hopefully, none of you will be too stubborn or prideful to stoop and work on yourselves.
If he cherish you he will do all they asked him to do and even borrowing to do that. So you don’t cherish him enough to protect him before your parents right? Like he does not have parents that could have opposed your own parents demand.. you’re even lucky he continued with the weeding. I I’ll back off.
Dear New Wife,
Bride price is negotiable especially by the father of the bride. Where the father of the bride’s family insist, he cuts off other expenses for his in-law because the union and new family is still his family which he will nurture and expect to grow.
The issue is you don’t understand that you stressed your husband beyond he could bear.
The marriage started with him exposed and his weakness put on the spotlight. His love for you made him go beyond himself to satisfy your family and you.
Taking loan to begin a new family or project is dangerous. Your husband is a calculative person but your family wants show off.
You failed to be his companion and team member.
You aren’t a trophy. You sided your family and played a treasure that must be purchased with the last drop of blood and that is still shocking to him.
How can you say ₦150,000 is cool for a junior staff hence he should buy cow and the rest of the items and demands?
Do you know that family of 4 finds it difficult to get cow to bury their deceased not talk of a young man?
There is something call savings, emergence, personal plans and reservations, working with a budget. But, you ignored it.
Your story showed you weren’t with him in the planning and planning of your marriage even the wedding expenses , you were on the receiving end and concerned about being married as a princess and treasure that is sold out for a price.
He has passed the hurdle of not disappointing you and your family but in deep debt
The reason he is keeping to himself is because you actions showed you aren’t his friend and confidant. Not a team or one he can trust that got his back but for herself and family.
A baby will arrive in the future. Who will he have to contend with? Your parents desires, your wishes and your family’s control?
No man wants to feel his needs and voice are overshadowed or ignored in his own affair or personal life. No man wants to be controlled and many called off marriages as a result.
The wedding should be mostly between your husband and you, not your parents and their many guests.
Did I hear that your dad must have his way?
The earlier you let your dad know you have a young marriage to build and protect, the better.
I’m sure your dad cares and want the best according to their lifestyle but you accepted this guy at his level so, understand him and his level if you want this marriage to last.
You did everything wrong hence do it right.
Go and apologize to your husband and be truly his friend and supportive team. Know the exact loan and be kind to encourage him. Tale away the home front bills as much as you can, do it with joy, share bills where you guys can with agreement and love not arrogantly.
Don’t complain to your parents or anyone close about the situation. Help him come out of the debt.
Find what interest him and spark up your love again and watch his smiles and true self return.
Pray for him that he gets favoured, pray that he finds it easy to forgive you and your family. Pray for joy and love in your marriage and wisdom for yourself.
Remember, it’s your duty to let him realise that the fast is behind except the loan you guys will clear soon. There is love and future to build together as a couple.
Bring the husband you know before the wedding back with humility, sincere care, love, empathy understanding and great support.
I wish you well.
You were not suppose to use that word, but the mistake has been made already so just find a way of apologizing to him and pls, don’t allow your parents to always have the upper hand in your marriage moreover, bride price is always negotiable not fixed.
Hello dear lady,
Find ways to be happy. Our marriages should bring us joy but noone can satisfy you like God really, there are times our spouses however wonderful can fail.
I do not think you need to apologise that he paid bride price. It was the tradition, you didn’t put it there. Some Fathers are very strict about certain things maybe because they want to toughen the man, maybe some to meet their current needs having spent all their life’s saving raising and nurturing their daughters or it may simply be the norm, like you described you Dad is not one to go back on His words so perhaps you would have just been fighting against a brick wall so leave the past behind.
What you can do is be a loving, peaceful and supportive wife. Try to find out how much your family is owing now and see what you can add to offset it.
You have not done anything wrong by being married. You do not need to be apologetic about being married either or the process, every home is different, just pray, remain humble, respectful and resourceful.
Your husband really should come off this moodiness and open up to you so that both of you can find a way out of debt, He has a help mate now besides whatever he gave has been distributed among many old men who may be poor with no jobs to have something to eat, your family can get past this and make new money in the future.
Someone else would face the same situation, negotiate if possible or embrace it, remain cheerful and take it as a challenge to create wealth, in a few years become great.
Keep speaking to him respectfully, help out financially, do what you enjoy doing let him see you smiling, one day when he is tiered of frowning he will snap out of this soar mood. But don’t say these to him.
Jacob was slammed with 14years bride price payment in two instalments in fact he was given the ‘wrong’ bride ( I am not endorsing it ) but he became determined, those years were like days to him because of his love for Rachel. That experience made him stronger. Despite this he became great, very great and prospered.
Don’t let this affect you or make you depressed. Don’t discuss it with your family either. I do not think your family has any intentions of controlling him either, he has done what they asked for and now they have let you go. Read a book, visit good friends if it’s ok with your husband ( they should not know either) etc. be happy.
You are worth more than diamonds, now He has you show your worth and together move to your wealthy place.