True Life Story: A Silent War Is Happening In My Marriage -Pt 2 Wife Breaks Silence
Hello Madam Lively Stones,
I read with disgust and anger as my husband and my own mother disgraced our marriage and family with their stupid confession that they are both having incest behind my back and my husband has refused to stop f*cking my mother unless I quit my job to come back home and stay by him to look after him. (Click here to read the story) I wanted to vomit reading the story but I was happy when I read the comments from those who advise him on the story. At least, it shows I have been vindicated. And now, I want to break the silence and share my side of the story.
My husband’s story is one sided and full of lies. It is a big lie that I am the one behind my husband’s stroke. How can I be? Am I a witch? Why will I give my husband stroke? He is the father of my children. And my mother, saying she was taking care of my husband and that is why they had s3x is a lie too. Its a really painful thing what has happened to my marriage. I knew my husband way back and fell in love with him. My husband knew I was raised by a single mother who was a former ashawo. Yes, my mom is an ex prostitute. That is why she had me without a father.
I have never known my father all my life and I never had a proper family growing up. I grew up among ashawos. As a teenager, I started sleeping with boys early and any boy I dated, if we broke up,they would sleep with my mom. This continued until I went to school and gave my life to Christ. My mother later said she has retired and started going to church. I never had any serious relationship that I loved the man until I met my husband.
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I got a job as a marketer three years after my marriage, after I knew I was done having kids. Being a marketer is hard. I was never able to meet my target and I was employed as a marketer because I looked good. You know in this country, companies employ pretty girls to do marketing cos they feel they can attract customers. But because I was married, I never allowed these men go beyond flirting. But I suffered the consequences because I was never able to meet my targets and the company was always threatening to fire me.
Meanwhile back at home, I never got any support or encouragement from my husband. he was always nagging that I was staying too long outside and he accused me of cheating with different men. These arguments affected our marriage and s3x life. My husband refused to touch me for weeks. And that was when I made my first mistake. Imagine going without s3x for almost two months and yet you have a client that is begging you for s3x so they can invest N1B in your company.
That drove me to have s3x with that client and secured that contract and I got the promotion hubby talked about. To God who made me, I regret that act till date. But I got a big promotion that came with benefits and car. My husband insulted me more and more at home. Accused me of neglecting my wife and motherly duties but he failed to mention he was the one that refused to have s3x with me. I also thought as a man he was sleeping with someone outside…so in my head…do me, I do you.
For me, I grew up seeing married men come to the brothel to fck so it was not really bothering me if my husband was fcking someone else. I know men are like that but what I never imagined in my wildest dream was my mother would be the one to f*ck my husband. When my husband got stroke, I got him a nurse but he was complaining that paying a nurse N150 a month was too much but I cannot leave a job that pays me over N1M a month plus benefits to come look after you. I took 5 days from work to look after him but I needed to go back to work after my leave ended.
No, my husband said I must be the one to take care of him. He was always worried about another woman seeing his nakedness especially since he was paralyzed. He kept saying I am ashamed of him cos I know he cannot f*ck me again cos he is paralyzed. But we stopped having s3x even before the stroke na. I never knew he was also reporting me to my mom. And his family, even though those ones don’t really talk to us. The family all labelled me a bad wife.
Next thing, my mom offered to come and help me take care of my husband. I said ok. I never knew that fetish of sleeping with any man her daughter loves is still in my mother. My mom started taking care of my husband while I was providing everything the house needed. Paid school fees, hospital and physiotherapy bills,rent, car,everything I was paying for.
In my head…before stroke…me and husband were not having s3x….so you can imagine my shock when one day, I walked into our house…my kids were watching TV in their room, I walked in on my mom and husband fcking. I did not even know my husband was getting better…that he could now walk with a cane. I was feeling bad for him yet he was fcking my mom. I lost it. Me and my mom fought until my kids came running and crying. I threw her things outside that day and asked her to leave my house.
That was when my husband said my mom is not going anywhere…that if my mom goes….that its divorce. I could not believe my ears. So, my husband has chosen my 50 years old mother over me that is 32 years old? If you were in my shoes, how would you feel? I felt like a failure….I was rejected by my father who I never knew…now, the only man who ever loved me…my mother has taken away from me….even though I am sick of my husband…I would never let my mother win. She has caused me too much pain in this life.
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Husband is not the same as boyfriend. Yes, she slept with my ex boyfriends when I was young but this is my husband….father of my kids….grand mother of my children. Why is she being so wicked to me? What if she was the one who caused this stroke on my husband…so I would leave him and she can take over as she used to do in the past? You see….that is what my mother wants…but I will never let her win. I will never divorce my husband even though I am not being faithful either.
How do I be faithful in this wicked world? No body wants to give you something without you giving something first. And if I stay back at home…with a husband without a job or business….a partially disabled husband….how are we going to survive? Besides, there is no longer love in this marriage…I will never forgive my husband for f*cking my mother. Even if he did not do it with clear eyes. My mum must have used her dirty ashawo tricks on him.
The only thing now is…I am hurting and my children are hurting…they dont know about the incest between their dad and grandma but they see me and their father always fighting….they are not happy. My son has stopped doing well in school, my daughter has become very shy and fearful. I want to save my children. Maybe its best to leave this incest marriage so my children will not grow up in this….or should I quit my job for their sake, so maybe me and their father can work out the problems in our marriage?
The problems in most marriage is communication or lack of s3x or money but incest though? Where do we go from here? How do we even start to mend the marriage? Loose my job? How do we live? And how do I forget my husband put his penis in my mother’s vagaina? How do you forgive people like these two? These two people who are supposed to be the ones who love me most …see how they betray me….maybe divorce is truly the way out.
I am exhausted and angry and pained and so many emotions. My mental health is drained. Let me stop here. I need your advise please.
Wife of Anonymous
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Hello Ma’am,
Thank you for sharing your side of the story. This is really a messed up situation.
And I see alot of childhood trauma invested in the current situation.
I see a problem in the relationship you have with your mom. You need to resolve that before you can move forward. Your mom also needs to leave you and your marriage alone.
Are there family members that can intervene in the situation?
You need to prayerfully sort this. Happy to hear you gave your life to Christ. Take some time to fast and pray and also meet some leaders in your church to pray and counsel you and your husband.
You need to stop sleeping with other men too. Focus on your husband. His behaviour is crying for your attention in the wrong way.
Make some compromises, dont quit your job but try to make time off work to spend quality time with your husband. You may also start looking for another job or start a business that is not a threat to your family.
First things first; fast and pray, ask for counsel from your pastor, inform your family or your husband’s family members to settle this, send your mother packing and review the situation with your job.
Do not give up….I think there is still love in the family…you just need to find out where the crack is coming from and close it.
And that is…your mother. You need to send her away and love her from afar.
If your husband is threatening divorce if your mom leaves and you quit your job, you can agree to spend more time with him while looking for another job because if you quit your job before you get a new job, both of you may suffer because you are the breadwinner.
Pray , pray and pray. Do not fight your husband….show him kindness and empathy…he maybe be feeling less of a man because he is paralyzed and feels because he cant provide for your family, that is why you abandoned him emotionally.
Sometimes life throws lemons at you but you need to stay strong and fight through the storm.
Do not loose your family….fight for your family.
Pray, pray and pray.
God bless.
In as much as I sympathise with You, I must say, all I can see is excuses and playing the victim. You can’t go this route. Be accountable for your actions sister.
How can you say, because your husband denied you sex is what pushed you to commit adultery, no ma, it is your choice and you made that choice, you pushed yourself to do it, because of a target of 1b naira. Stop blaming your choices on your mothers life or upbringing.
You said you slept with the man and regretted it, if you really regretted it why this statement?
“even though I am not being faithful either.” Which means you have been cheating so many times, so why are you trying to blame your husband or situations of your life. If only you knew the repercussion of adultery, you will rather be dead than do it.
You also said, you will never forgive your husband for sleeping with your mother, but you are the one that first committed adultery, so you know how painful it is right? You see why it doesn’t make any sense to cheat on your husband or wife.
Your husband didn’t lie, I don’t see the lie at all. I just feel, you lack accountability for your actions like women generally are, always blaming their husbands or blaming it on something.
You have to quit that job but before that, have you gathered enough money, and are you ready go stop committing adultery, because, from your write up, I don’t think you really want to move forward yet. If your mum must leave the house, will you be with your husband, I told your husband, it’s better a man is the care taker.
You need to get another job, but I ask You, do you really want to stop committing adultery or you just want your mum to leave your house?
I wish you well.
✌